What To Do When You Are Dead
by gallagherscoven
Summary: This is The story of when Carlisle Cullen finds his True soul Mate Erin, from Erin's POV Describing her Transition inTo The Cullen family and The love between herself and Doctor Carlisle Cullen.
1. THE END OR AT LEAST THAT WAS THE PLAN

ONE:

THE END . . . OR AT LEAST THAT WAS THE PLAN

_So this is it. This is where it all gets you in the end. My grandmother was right. Love is just death disguised by tainted emotions and an internal obsession to keep "US" alive. . ._

This was the state of mind. The last few words I could barely combine into whole comprehendible sentences, a bottle of some random label vodka in one hand and a revolver in my spare right. I'd always contemplated suicide from the very beginning. From the first night I found myself alone and with the undisputable knowing that he was never coming back. He would walk this earth just the same, but I would never see him again, would never hear him close enough to where his voice simulated the sound of sirens singing from someplace - heaven maybe, if it even existed. Would never ever feel him again, the warmth of his body. The feel of his velvet touch . . .

His name will remain _Allen Desdemona._Try and remember because it is the only key you will ever need to remotely relate to any of this. . . _MAY 1ST 2009. Remember the date._It's the day that signified a chance of a new, happier, life. And it's the day that sealed the end of my own. . . I can almost see it again now . . . the unpleasantly humid sunny Florida afternoon. It's nearly five-Thirty . . . I walk up The black paved driveway of The house, passing an alignment of white cobble stones just before the door is opening, and I can see his face for The very first Time. . . If there was only someway I could have stayed There and Then, in that moment forever. So perfect, carefree, emotionless . . . no strings attached yet. But since it could never be realistically possible, all I was fueled on was the memory. I had let it suffocate me, drowning in it day after day.

My head was pounding. How much did I drink? _Who cares, _I quickly followed up with the answer to my own question. It was sometime late. The night in the woods of the Hoh forest, just outside of Forks was nothing like Miami and I was grateful for that. Most people I know would reject things like dark, cold, and wet. But I all too happily welcomed it. Here leaned against a gangly pine's trunk just at the flowing river's edge I could die in peace. For once content. No one would hear the shot blast. Someone would find me, but I'd made sure my family would never come to receive word of the news. They would just think I finally had lost the little sanity I'd been clinging to and never see me again. Regardless, they would still be right.

Low, tired sobs and streaming tears were pouring out of me as I reached in the back pocket of my jeans to retrieve my wallet letting it flop open, and setting it down at my side so I could stare at his picture. That was my Allen . . . I didn't know the one that existed now, not anymore. I reached for the bottle secured in between my two legs and chugged another few swigs. I remember raising it up and trying to figure how much venom was left but I'd drank enough that my vision was nearly a total blur, the moon's bright white blinding me as it shined through the clear glass, and my body was numb to any form of feeling besides the occasional extra chilled gusts of wind.

Slowly, I was slipping away, barely even managing the twitch of a finger. My legs were already a lost cause, the official equivalent to disabled . . . Yes. It was time now . . . I brought the revolver up into my mouth, flicking back the hammer all while some barely audible sobs still escaped me. . . _God please forgive me . . . Allen. My angel . . . _With one feeble finger I pulled the trigger and in the same blast - in the same moment I should have been dead – I was still breathing, still living . . . and empty handed . . . But what had gone wrong. As much as I hallucinated while intoxicated routinely, I knew this was real. And as inane and sufficiently fucked in the head as I was, that gunshot blast had not been just a figment of my imagination. My heart was hammering, like it was trying to break through my chest and runaway as fast as it could. Who could blame it? No. No . . . This had been real. It still was . . . I still was. . .

"Hello young one." A male voice came. And I remember my head falling sideways. Through fogged vision I could make out the angel. Beautiful – an understatement. Pale creamy white skin, perfect gold blond hair, evenly trimmed. Perfect face . . . perfect honey colored eyes . . . perfect soft pink lips. And this all clear enough still just from a distance . . . I'd been wrong. I must have been dead in order for this angel to be in fact in my presence. So was God forgiving me for my selfish act of escape . . . maybe . . . Then again, with all the shit I'd pulled, not much likely. This must be one of those angels that lure you down to hell with there unimaginable beauty. Still, I remember smiling at him. And I remember the timid smile he'd flashed back. One of those _Trying to make you feel at ease but I'm still concerned _types.

I felt for the bottle still in between my legs and brought it up to view, but before I could quench my thirst for the poison one last time, it was no longer in my possession and the angel stood half crouched over me. I smiled again . . . "So beautiful . . . angel", I strained, because I had to let him know. He smiled that warm, welcoming, precautious smile again . . . "There, there", his voice came in an enchanting echo, before I felt myself all of a sudden pressed against his chest, being carried away. "You're going to be alright little one." With his voice even closer now, I forgot the pain. Forgot my pounding head and aching limbs . . . forgot to breathe before I opened my eyes to swirling dark smudges and it all went black.

**OK guys, This Story will be slow in progress so please give it a chance. It is also my first Fan Fiction so please if possible give me some reviews, I always welcome constructive criticism. Hopefully if you're reading This you will enjoy (Fingers crossed) :D**


	2. SKIP TO MY LOU

TWO:

SKIP TO MY LOU

It started with a somehow cooling sting. Uncomfortable but not enough to call it pain. As the first few seconds passed however and I became more and more lucid suddenly it was pain. Not cooling, but streams of something rushing inside of me. Not stinging, but burning . . . Yes burning . . . fire. I was on fire. In an instant my body reflexively jolted upwards. The light above me was bright, blinding, but I was certainly no longer intoxicated. No, I was awake - wide awake - and fully aware of every single physical feeling now.

"Carlisle", I heard a new male voice, still all the same sounding like another angel, singing another song. Momentarily afterwards I felt the contrast of cool pressing me back down into the bed where I lay, and looking down at me was the angel again. My angel . . . I wanted to scream but somehow couldn't manage it. I wanted to move but my muscles all felt torn, cramped, immobile . . . "It's going to be okay my love. . . I'm sorry", my angel seemed to croon. In another blink he was gone from above and I was pressed against his firm chest again. "Perhaps you shouldn't", I could hear the other voice again, close. It sounded young. Yes, he was young, older but young . . . "It might make it worse for her to remain in the same position", I caught the finish of his sentence, and in the same I managed my first gasp of air that made way for the first shrill pained scream. _"I won't do it again!" _I could just barely cry out. _"I WON'T DO IT AGAIN!"_

My legs were able to thrash now – uncontrollably – for a brief lapse before they were being restrained, pinned again, by another angel. Another angel whom I couldn't make out due to the fact that my vision was now distorted by blotches of black – similar to the after affect of a camera flash – except these dark spots would not fade away. In fact, they seemed to be slowly taking over my entire sight. "We know you won't", the restraining angel's voice answered in a calm sooth. "Edward", I could make out my angel – Carlisle, "A few more injections of the morphine from the covert . . . quickly." A sigh came. "Don't see what good it's done so far", the other angel again – Edward – responded. With that, I lost it. _"NO MORE!" _I cried out in desperation. _"I'LL BE GOOD – I'LL BE GOOD!"_

Carlisle's hold of me tightened some. "We know you're good my love, we know", he crooned again. More fire was burning, impossibly stronger, with an inane vengeance. Such a burning, like my entire body was directly laid on the top of a lit camp fire . . . maybe even worse than that – more like I was swimming in a pool – a lake - of fire. "Perhaps it is best to keep a hold on her", Edward softly spoke . . . Another heaved sigh came from closer by . . . "I Lost my partner what'll I do, I lost my partner what'll I do, I lost my partner what'll I do, skip to my Lou my darling . . ." I knew the song. Through the fire, I vaguely remembered someone singing it to me once when I was a toddler. "Skip, skip, skip to my Lou", he went on. The fire was in all of its glory, merciless, only worsening, but I could still hold on to the words – his words. Long enough to make it through the fire or long enough to finally fade away - somehow . . . Either one would work. "Skip, skip, skip, to my Lou . . . skip, skip, skip to my Lou . . . skip to my Lou my darling . . ." _God I'm sorry. So, so sorry, _I thought one last time before tuning back to my angel's melody . . .

I had always been able to adapt. Adapt to most forms of pain. Adapt to any and all unfortunate circumstances. But this time there was no such possibility. Outlets came to me in the form of second to second blackouts. In the form of saintly voices whispering in my ear. There was no time, any days or nights, only fire - Fire that only seemed to further intensify in magnitude. Until the instant when I became aware - at some point - that it was no longer gaining force – not yet dwindling – but . . . staying, in a sort of neutral.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd attempted to open my eyes, hours . . . could have been days. But I felt it in me to try. I could feel myself still in a cradled position, still in Carlisle's arms. My angel's name was familiar to me now from all the many times I'd listened to Edward use it. Seeing him was a good enough motive to want to open my eyes again.

When I did however, all I saw was the thickest syringe I'd ever seen being brought down to my wrist. Reflexively I flung my hand away. Edward attempted to grab the same arm again. I whimpered, "_I don't want it – No more!" _I cried out. _What was he thinking, more fire? I'd endured it all once, but again – was he insane? _"I'm not going to hurt you Erin", he attempted to assure. In the same I was restrained by another pale arm. Looking up at Carlisle, I could feel my system getting agitated. _"No more please!" _I begged. "_I don't want – I don't want it!"_

His eyebrows furrowed but even such an action didn't make his facial expression look any less flawless, not even a hint of a crease, or a line. "Its okay angel", he answered. Then he took his free arm and pressed my face into the opening of his coat. _"NO!" _I strained. "Go ahead", I caught him say. _"NO, CARLISLE NO MORE!" _was my last meaningless plea before I felt the sting of the needle entering the side of my wrist. It felt different, my skin seemed rougher to break through, and in the first half second I'd felt Edward's need for an extra wedge. Another rasped yell broke through my dried out throat.

"It's going to help the fire Erin sweetheart", Edward soothed. For some odd reason he sounded pained himself. Carlisle sighed releasing his hold of my head, and I looked up at him. I felt the cries I'd let out, yet there were no tears when there very well should have been. My eyes should have been running a stream by this point. His topaz colored pupils held mine, locked solid. "That's it little one", he said lowly. "No more after this. You're almost done."

_Almost done? What did he mean by that? _I thought. "She's curious now", Edward mumbled still kneeled in front of us. He was perfectly clear now. Literally . . . perfect in every way. Flawlessly styled bronze tussled hair, the same pale white complexion, and the light pink, perfectly rounded lips; the only difference between the two angels faultlessness was only the look in his eyes; frozen, a coal black . . . With that I remember the fire suddenly reactivating, and surging up my spine, the darkness subduing me again . . .

Dying would have been so much easier than this. And – dying could never have felt this bad. My heart was palpitating. Every strained beat was a rapid thud against my chest. "It's almost over my love", Carlisle whispered into my ear. I clutched the fabric of his shirt. "I know angel", he soothed, his hold on me tightening again as he pressed me closer up against him. "More morphine?", Edward suggested. "NO!" I cried out, responding for myself. "Shhh", Carlisle hushed, "Mustn't strain now angel, no more, I promised." My heart was fighting, thrusting . . . burning as I had been the whole time prior.

The cradling position I could feel wasn't going to work anymore. My heart had no room to fight this way. "Set her down she's uncomfortable", Edward instructed and with the words I was stretched out on my back. Someone grabbed my hand, cupping it into both of his, and from the touch alone I knew it was my angel. I jerked a leg against a hard object. "Keep her settled", I could hear Carlisle, more urging now. _Jolt. Thud. Jolt . . . Thud. _My martyred heart was putting up its final fight in this battle where it had been designated the title of failure from the moment this fire had possessed me.

I wished it would give in already and accept its fate. This reluctance - this will to remain - was only making it worst for the both of us. Every pound – every thrash – every will - was more mutilating than the last. Until there came a final impact, causing the lower half of my body to unwillingly arch itself. My eyes snapped open. The flaming fire's ultimate wrath indescribable . . . merciless . . . murderous . . .


	3. SO   I'M NOT DEAD

THREE:

SO . . . I'M NOT DEAD

"Do you think she's alright?" My angel's velvet voice was first to reach me . . . "Probably just in shock", came another response. One thing was certain . . . mercy had been granted to me. The fire was gone, and – the fight was over . . . Clarity. My vision was cleared again, and even more . . . more enhanced. Colors were different. The sun's glare that shined through the floor to ceiling windows seemed to sparkle, somehow exposing a new kind of color I had never known before. I wanted to stand. All it took was the desire and in a precise, oddly ideal movement, I was on my feet staring straight ahead at one of the angels – Edward – who stood cautiously several feet away by the door way. Through peripheral vision I could make out Carlisle, also watchful, positioned just centimeters behind me on my right.

I didn't get this anymore . . . any of it. The angels told me I could not possibly be living - but the somewhat familiar surroundings from outside spoke other wise. A crooked smile broke across Edward's expression then, he seemed amused. "Please stop calling us that. We're . . . nothing like", he paused, "_That_." Burning . . . my throat was burning still, parched. I shook my head, as if consequently the feeling would miraculously disappear, and I would wake up from this dream in which Angels existed and everything – including myself judging by a flash glance at a reflection – was faultless. Edward shook his head laughing lowly. "You are very much living . . . in one way or another", he began again. "And – incase you're wondering – Yes . . . I can hear your thoughts." I blinked once, still searching for lucidity, though the action felt unnatural now – or more – unnecessary.

Then, abruptly, a scent invaded my nostrils. It was rust like but . . . appealing. Pulsing . . . flowing. It was pure corruption . . . "_Grab her!" _Edward exclaimed startling my trail of thought, but in the same order I coiled sprinting out of both the angels grasps, then leaped, head first, through the glass wall. Bits of shattered glass fell like crystal hail stones around me, but I landed easily, without so much as a stagger, and was off and running just before catching the sound of a second set of legs making contact with the damp, snow covered earth. "You stay behind!" I could hear Carlisle instruct. He was near, but not near enough. This was amazing; I was four feet, nine inches at barely one hundred pounds moving faster than any Olympic athlete. _"Erin No!_" Carlisle called after me. He was wasting his breath is what he was doing.

My nostrils felt flared now - were burning. The alluring scent was near enough that I could feel an odd tasting substance oozing inside of my mouth. A few more leaps . . . My angel was nowhere in sight now. I lurched up into the opening of a spruce making my way across an extending coffee brown limb where I was finally able to match the scent to its owner. A young man – teenager- maybe somewhere in my age range . . . _No! _I argued with myself, _NO! _

Only to lose against my own will in the end . . . Everything was a blur from the instant I coiled and then lurched. I could just barely recall my victim's struggle . . . his legs finally giving in as he collapsed with me to the ground . . . his welled up eyes that plead for life . . . and then me . . . kneeled over him on the ground, cringing away from the pale corpse. He was younger than I'd guessed during my burning rampage, a preteen at the most . . . I was about to fall back into the ground when a set of arms caught me.

I looked up to meet Carlisle's weary gaze. "It's okay", he whispered. "You made a mistake . . . it happens all the time." I could feel my jaw tighten. My clothes were tainted with blood stains. "I – killed a kid", I managed, shaking my head in a slow back and forth jerk, "That doesn't . . . happen . . . all the time", I breathed. In the same I buried my face into his shoulder and in another sway he carried me up. "It's just an accident my love", he soothed. "I'll dispose of it", I heard Edward unexpectedly. Through peripheral vision I could see him coolly walking by our side. One of his hands timidly brushed along my arm. "I'm going to take her home . . . see what we can do about a change", Carlisle responded . . .

I was in a large circular bathtub, constructed of some sort of granite, located in the master bedroom. Moist steam was rising from the water that surrounded me, but I could only feel a slightly distinguishable warm contrast against my own skin. Carlisle stood just alongside me facing away, an oversized white towel clutched in his right hand. Motionless, he seemed to be lost in thought, and in that moment more guilt on top of guilt flooded me. "I didn't mean to be bad. Please, don't be mad at me", I said in a low mumble. He chuckled. Even his laughter sounded like it should belong in a symphony. "I am not mad at you little one", he answered. His tone was friendly enough; the precautious edge absent for the first time. "I'm simply contemplating how we will go about getting you a new wardrobe." Wardrobe – clothes – right. It was hard to worry about such a thing when there were so many other questions blending around in my mind.

It took me a few hesitant seconds to respond, and when I did, the answer was solely senseless. Just like me I guess. "I'm not little", I spoke. In my voice I could hear a noticeable change. It was easier sounding, more . . . attractive now, with a certain chimed pitch to it. Carlisle pursed his lips then, obviously holding back more laughter. He turned back to face in my direction. "Then I suppose you won't mind telling me your actual age, since Edward has been too preoccupied to do so himself." I let myself roll onto my stomach and sink deeper into the water; the tub itself was filled two feet. Then I dipped my head down under. When I resurfaced my short cropped black hair was drenched and I could feel a few micro sized chips of glass fall away. Carlisle's expression almost looked entertained. "I'm fifteen", I answered in an awkward fashion. And then at the unlucky number's exact end, his expression reverted back to concerned. Consequently - now I was concerned.

He sighed, shaking his head once. "Figures why Edward was holding back . . . you're so young." "But I don't want to leave I want to stay with you", I responded, more senselessness. He seated himself at the tub's edge. "But of course you will angel. We would never send you away." In a light swish forward I reached for the towel in his hand and in another I was standing out of the tub on the marble floor, the towel draping over me, nearly twice my size. "I don't want to go, I want to stay with you", I repeated. "You will angel", he brought his hypnotizing gaze back up to entrap me once more. "You will always stay with us." The words were soft and sympathetic. I hated that – the sympathy – but I loved it just as much. I loved being able to believe – to know – that my angel would never leave me.


	4. MOOD SWINGS

FOUR:

MOOD SWINGS

I stood clothed in a dark blue dress shirt that extended all the way past my knees, inside of a walk in closet, which was probably the size of an entire single bed hotel suite; The master bed room itself was spacious enough to puzzle up three of my old rooms. I watched Carlisle searching, for a set of socks apparently, that would quote, _"fit me best". _He sighed, the sound almost inaudible to the average set of ears. "These will have to do." I couldn't tell if the words were meant for me or just him.

"If not other people, then what?" I asked lowly, referring to what was now my new means of sustenance. He turned, propping me up on top of an oak cabinet, and in one rapid movement my feet were concealed by a pair of black tube socks. "Animals", he responded, setting me back down. Discomfort consumed me in a very unpleasant way then. "But I don't want to kill animals. I love animals – they're – my friends", I sort of whined. "And the next time you are in front of a lion who's preparing to have you for lunch we will surely reengage in this conversation", Edward responded, appearing by the closet's entry way. I lowered my head, discouraged. He was right – in a way. But who had asked him anyway. He grinned raising an eye brow. "Did you already forget my special ability?" he asked, sounding pleased with him self.

I repositioned myself behind Carlisle so that half of me was hidden and I could shield some of the discontent. He took one of my hands in his, flashing me a second to second warm smile. "Edward's gift . . . can be a bit of a nuisance sometimes. Never mind it", he whispered, though I didn't see a point in the discrepancy. It wasn't like the _mind reader_ couldn't _read his mind_. Edward snickered under his breath. I would definitely have to start learning how to channel my thoughts around him.

Carlisle suddenly scooped me up into his arms; I let my chin rest on his shoulder. Was there really still a need for the babying tactics, it's not like I was still in frying mode, or planning on running off to kill someone else. But then again . . . who knew. We started out of the room and in the time it would take a human to blink we were three doors down in what appeared to be an office. It was dark in here except for a few dim lights that lit the room just enough for clarity. Not that it would have mattered if any lights had been on at all. This house had to be the largest I'd ever stepped foot in. "I don't think there's a need, the nearest passer bys are miles out", Edward randomly Threw out. Carlisle's eye brows furrowed as he shot him a look over. The carefulness in his manner made my senses heighten. "I want down", I mumbled into his ear, and at my request he sat me on the top of a desk.

Edward stood stiffly to his left. He seemed to be analyzing me a lot that much I'd caught on to. Carlisle, who still served as a block between us, looked back at him. "Can you handle it?" he asked. Edward responded with a tense nod, some uneasiness playing on his facial expression, "Port Angeles and back wouldn't be a problem. But it wouldn't be safe to bring her along." I frowned. Right it wouldn't be, because I was a blood thirsty killer now . . . Carlisle nodded, his hands buried in his slack pockets. "Perhaps you make a quick run now for some of the essentials, so long as you can make it back before I have to leave for shift." "If I leave now I can make it back a little under time", Edward answered. Carlisle reached into his back pocket retrieving a mahogany leather wallet and slipped him a credit card. "Timing my son", he reminded. "I've got it covered", Edward confidently answered as if he'd heard this same warning enough times before. He turned to me before leaving, "Don't worry, I know what you like", he said with a half smile tapping a finger to his right temple, and then he was gone . . .

Carlisle sat in a gangly leather arm chair over his desk. He was preoccupied writing something. A hand written letter, classy touch, hadn't seen that done in … ever. Mean while I was taking in the scene of renaissance portraits and ancient religious monuments. This all must have set him back a few trillion bills; that or he'd owned all of these pricey collectibles for a really long time . . . too much time. But how could it be?

"What are you?" _What was I? _I thought the second question internally. "Vampires", he responded mechanically never looking up from his work. I darted over to his side from across the room. "So . . . how long – have you been alive I mean?" "Well", he began. "Back then there was no precise time, but I estimate since sometime in the sixteen-hundreds." A breath caught in my throat. "Whoa, that's so sick." He chuckled still concentrated on the paper work. "Is that a good thing?" I pursed my lips for a second before answering. "Yeah", I said with a nod. In the same moment I began to think about my transformation, thus reminding me of my last night human.

"I . . . never got to shoot myself", I strained, my tone more somber now. I could make out his body posture tense and he froze for a second, a human wouldn't have caught on to such an action, before setting aside the pen in his hand and relaxing back in his seat . . . "I managed to get to you just as the shot went off." It didn't take much for me to piece the missing details together. "Edward heard." "Yes", he responded lowly. "Now can I ask you a few questions?" "Sure, I guess", I answered, though frankly I didn't think any question he had for me would be painless to answer.

"Your family?" he began. I exhaled, shaking my head once . . . "I was raised by my grandmother . . . she's dead now. The rest never cared for me and I always made sure to return the favor. They're in Florida – don't ask me where – I wouldn't no anymore than you do." The trick was forwarding through the gritty details, and keeping the story basic, real clean cut. The interrogation would work well enough this way. I was focusing on the rug floor, all the artistic designs. "I see", he answered, sympathy in his words again. "And how did you make it all the way up here?" I forced a smile. "I – hitched a ride from one of my grandmother's old co-workers. He's a truck driver . . . We vacationed here before . . . and – that's when I met him . . . two years ago", I finished. There wasn't a way to dodge this portion of pain. I had been desperately banking on my angel for this part – and thankfully- he did already seem to know all too well who _him _was because he never asked.

I saw his lips motion to speak but all the same cut him off, never minding how rude it was, "I don't want to talk about it", I quickly rushed out the words. "That's fair enough", he replied just as fragilely . . . "What are you working on?" I asked straying subjects. "Just reviewing patient files", he answered. "Patients – so you're a doctor?" He nodded. "Yes." Another breath caught in my throat, more unpleasant . . . "Why didn't you just let me die?" I forced the words out. He looked as if he was actually pondering it for a second then out of no where he stood, hesitating before moving closer to me. "Aren't you a little young to be drinking?" he asked. I frowned. "No." He sighed, "And who lead you to believe that monstrosity young one?" I backed away a step, "Nobody." "Someone in your family?" he pressed on. "Nobody did!" I shouted back, losing my patience. "You're not my dad so stop acting like it!" And in the same instant there was a loud shatter causing us both to jerk our heads in the direction of the disruptive noise.

Light gusts of wind caused the blinds over one of the windows to flap. Below on the floor it was easy not to miss the scattered pieces of glass . . . Neither of us moved and my frustration had been replaced with shock. I looked back up to Carlisle. "How – did I do that?" I asked in a whimper. He glanced back and forth from the shattered pieces of window to me. "It seems plausible", he finally responded. In his voice I could hear something different. "I felt the vibrations just seconds into your temper building." It was awe, I concluded, and that was . . . not the right reaction . . . or at least I wouldn't expect it to be. Carlisle flashed over to the open gap where the window should have been and scooped a few of the larger chunks of glass into one hand. "Fascinating", he whispered. "I wonder", he was definitely talking to himself now, "Could it be your moods control your surroundings?" I was still like a lifeless statue, paralyzed in place. _Some gift if it was – oh wait – it's a curse! _

Through the corner of his eye I saw him glance my way while he still stared at the pieces in his palm. "Would you like to talk about Allen now?" . . . Another burst of wind blew through. This time pieces of glass cascaded further out through the room and a random crystal vase on one of the smaller tables accumulated to what resembled grains of salt. "This is amazing", Carlisle said in the same awed way; he was beside me again his hands on my shoulders. . .


	5. A FAMILY

FIVE:

A FAMILY

Carlisle and I were in the living room. It was all white, spacious, with plenty of accommodations to say the least. Carlisle had changed outfits for work and looked even more enticing now. Was that even possible? I stared out the wide open back doors - also constructed of glass. In fact, most of the house's exterior was built of glass. _Oh the joys my gift was bound to bring here. . . Not! _It was almost night; the sky was closer to an indigo shade.

I was analyzing my surroundings the way I'd never seen them before. New colors, the earth was more beautiful with these eyes. Eyes . . . In a reflection I could make out my blood shot pupils, wincing at the image. "That will go away after sometime", Carlisle interrupted my mental self disgust session. I sighed lowly.

"Do you have to go?" I asked. I watched him through a reflection organizing a leather black briefcase. "I'm afraid so angel, I've missed four days of work as is." Four days? Had it actually been that long? I wondered. "But I'll be back before the late morning." I flashed to his side, by a vacant white arm chair. "I want to go." He looked down at me, and I thought I would trip backwards if I kept looking back. "It's much too soon for you to be out", he ran his fingertips along the side of my face. "Don't you think?" I could feel my expression alter a bit as I frowned, latching both my arms around his waist. "But I don't want to stay I want to go with you." The pathetic whine in my tone was hard to camouflage. He knelt down in front of me, and I took advantage to latch my arms around his neck then.

"Come now my love, I'll be back, I promise you", he began in his proverbial singing voice. "NO!" I cried dryly, burying my face into the nape of his neck. He was trying to retract me so as to face him but I only constricted my hold on him. "My love, come now. You must remember not to get too upset, I will return" – before he could finish the front door slammed, and following was the collapsing of the glass dinner table behind us. Pieces slid everywhere this time – underneath the furniture, down the hallway, even some into the kitchen. I pulled my self back to face Carlisle, my arms still around him, and we both stared at each other . . . "Wonderful", Edward commented, with this awkward expression, breaking the silence. He set several shopping bags down on the floor, and then skipped passed them coming closer to where Carlisle and I were still frozen. "Really?" Edward asked.

Carlisle carried me up with him as he straightened back up. "It's a gift", he answered Edward, all the while smiling at me. "So her temper tantrums control her surroundings – and – she's a child. Oh, we are in for a joyous ride", Edward remarked wearily. He was really starting to annoy me. Before I could flip again however, I laid my head on Carlisle's shoulder looking away from him and only focusing on my angel. It was calming. Carlisle sighed. "No, her general emotions control her surroundings, and it's not her fault if she is experiencing discomfort. Besides surely after some . . . experience, she will learn to control it. You know I met an earth bender once. His first few years as a newborn weren't much a thrill either . . . for him or any of the members of his coven. But they all were there to support and encourage him none the less."

Edward's twisted expression reverted back to normal. He breathed in a low breath . . . "I'm sorry Erin dear, this all just . . . very new to me too." I remained muted, still too embarrassed from my incident. _Its okay_, I thought back instead. Carlisle focused back on me again, running his fingers through my hair. "My love I really have to go now", he whispered softly. I sighed . . .

He handed me over to Edward. This was new - being in his arms for the first time. "I might take her hunting instead", he said to Carlisle. They were obviously having one of those one ended conversations again. Carlisle's expression was nervous. "No, no, not tonight. She's had a long day just give her some of the blood from upstairs." "Shouldn't she begin to adapt", Edward countered. "Edward . . . not tonight", Carlisle warned this time. Edward rolled his eyes once then nodded. "When she gets spoiled, hold your own frustrations back later." "I will see you both in the morning", was the only thing he responded before flashing out of sight. I could make out the garage door's motor running as it opened, the sound of a key turning in the ignition, and last, the car speeding away followed by the door shutting back down.

When it was quiet and clearly just the two of us, Edward brought his coal black eyes down on me. He had this mischievous kind of grin going on . . . "Can you keep a secret?" he asked. I smiled, nodding back. "Excellent", he said, setting me down. "Let's get you in some more suited clothes then, huh." . . .

He did know my taste – freakishly well. My entire new wardrobe nailed my personal preferences exactly. Edward picked out one of the plainest out fits for me; all black – a plain shirt and denim ripped shorts specifically designated for my first hunt. He'd encouraged me not to wear shoes. Together we stormed through the back exit of the house sprinting over the nearby meadow into the forest. My own physical possibilities blew me away now. The leap I'd made over the meadow landed me way ahead of Edward a few yards up on moist soil. He made match with me just seconds after, though.

"Now", Edward said placing a hand on each of my shoulders, "I know animals are your. . . _friends_", he forced, "But it's either them or the humans. And humans risk the chance of us being exposed. Carlisle also says it's _wrong_." He rolled his eyes again. I grimaced before speaking again. "What do I have to kill first?" I asked unenthusiastically. Edward moved his hands up to cover both of my eyes. "Just listen closely – making sure it's not a human", he reminded, "And then just . . . follow." . . .

Listening, there were many sounds. Birds moving about in trees, there wings flapping against branches . . . twitching in grass, rabbits, or maybe some form of reptile . . . worms burrowing underground, and then . . . clunking – no – beating – trotting . . . hooves . . .definitely elk or something close to it. I could make out the throbbing of their pulses, and irregular heartbeats. The smell of blood hit my nose then. It wasn't exactly the same as the human's whom had served as my first misfortunate kill but it was enough for my throats burn to kick up an extra notch, causing me to break into one of those flash foredoom runs.

I could hear Edward trailing behind me, while keeping a certain distance, giving me my own space. But my mind was on a one track. My nostrils were burning again, signaling I was close, and sure as it was night, less than a minute later a small herd of elks came into view. I knew if I stopped to run over it twice there was no way I was doing this. So I simply lunged forward until I found myself on the back of one of the more mature elks. I wrestled him to the ground while his other companions were scattering. Eventually I found his throat and shutting my eyes sunk my teeth through his flesh . . .

It was the same sort of craze I'd experienced earlier. This was so repulsing – But it was impossible for me to pull myself away from my prey. The elk was already lifeless by this point. I didn't stop until I was sucking in air. For a moment I stayed on the ground still crouched over my kill. When I finally got back to my feet I noticed Edward for the first time. He was just adjusting the buttons of his gray dress shirt, a female elk deceased by his feet. His eyes were no longer the coal black but had altered to the captivating golden topaz. He huffed . . . "Well that's much better." I nearly chocked on my own words – he was perfect now too – "Are you going to be in a better mood now?" I asked playfully. "Much more so . . . especially with your flattering thoughts", he answered. If I was still human my face would have gone tomato red. He smiled crookedly. "We should get back . . . clean you up." I looked myself over. My shirt was ripped on the left side – probably from the wrestling- and blotches indicated smears of blood all over it, as well as my shorts. The blood was more visible on the shorts since they were a faded black. _God you're disgusting_, I criticized myself. Edward scoffed. "Yeah, I use to feel the same in the beginning." . . .

Edward made me clean up in a shower as soon as we returned to the house. I'd changed into a thin black sweat shirt, and a pair of ripped skinny denim blue jeans. When I got back downstairs the mess of glass was gone, like it never happened. Edward had a fire going outside close to the meadow. I ran over to him. "What's that for?" "Your clothes", he responded. He was crouched over the fire staring blankly into it. "This way Carlisle will never have a clue I took you hunting without him there to _protect you_." He smiled wryly. "Why do you say it like that?" I couldn't understand his constant mocking towards the person who appeared to be a loyal father to him. He chuckled. Then in a swift move he was standing erect again. In one kick he abolished the fire with a heap of dirt. "Carlisle can be overly protective with his . . . kin . . . I've learned." We started walking at a regular pace back up the yard. He smirked, his hands dug in his coat pockets. "You're definitely in for it. He's always wanted a girl."

We stepped over the threshold into the house, and I think my insides were beginning to shatter apart at that very moment. I still managed to suppress my thoughts. "Is that why he changed me?" I questioned. "No", he answered, "Not at all. Carlisle would never do this to someone who didn't have any other choice." "But I never got to off myself", I reminded him. "Yes but you'd consumed so much alcohol your heart wasn't going to be able to handle it . . . you flat lined twice that night. It was the second time when we realized . . ." his sentence trailed away into silence, but I didn't need any further details anyhow. My well being had never concerned me before and it certainly didn't now. I was more worried about a more critical piece of information he'd just shared with me seconds before.

I could feel the disappointment radiating from me, so I knew he undoubtedly could. "What's wrong?" he asked looking over at me. I let myself fall back onto one of the arm chairs left of the couch. "Erin", Edward knelt down right away to meet me, his tone suddenly anxious. I only shook my head, my head bowed . . . "I'm not supposed to be his daughter", I mumbled. "He's mine. He's my angel and we're supposed to be together." Edward's shoulders had gone tense . . . Then he brought a hand under my chin and lifted my face to meet with his own. "Erin listen to me . . . Carlisle doesn't see you _that way_", he lowly emphasized. "He loves you now, yes. He's thrilled to finally have you . . . but not like that." . . . The sternness was readable in his expression, but so was something else, something I'd already seen too many times today. He could feel my hurt.

I sat up out of my seat. I felt . . . angry – and hurt – and . . . hopeless. _"But he's mine, he's my angel why should someone else get to keep him?"_ I exclaimed. Edward was already guiding me through the threshold again, outside, with one arm curled around my waist. He halted abruptly when we were planted on the grass, standing face to face with me. "He is mine!" I yelled, "He is! That's why all this happened because we're supposed to be!" Edward shook his head, still wearing the same pained expression. "No young one. This happened because of an accident", he spoke in a soft strain . . . "Carlisle will always love you for whatever will be left of this eternity . . . as I will love my new sister . . . as a family would love one another." I breathed, choking on the air around us. My fists were balled tight. "How would you know?" I asked, broken down now. Edward forced a scoff . . . "How would I not little sister?"

I let myself fall back onto one of the wooden deck's steps. Edward kneeled beside me. He pulled me close against him, "I'm sorry", he whispered, and with that I buried my face into his chest, succumbing to the dry sobs . . .


	6. FEUD

SIX:

FEUD

The house remained in tact after my emotional melt down thankfully. We spent the remainder of the night only talking. Edward shared some of his past, and I shared meaningless trickles of mine. His life was way more interesting any how. He'd lived through the nineteen-hundreds, and he'd repeated high school so many times he didn't even have to try for grades. He had an arts degree and a PHD! For god's sake, what was the point in even bothering with my meaningless life.

A little past sun rise my angel was back. I'd been waiting by the front door, while Edward worked on some new sheet music, for the last few hours. The moment the Mercedes engine became audible Edward rushed up the stairs and brought me down a bottle filled with human blood. Carlisle had to see some of the blood he'd instructed I be given was missing of course, and I had no hesitations, immediately snatching the bottle up and sucking it dry until I found myself with my teeth hooked to titanium while Edward struggled to take it back. "You're so stubborn", he said, though he was muffling laughter.

After a few more seconds of the tug of war, I was being pulled back off the floor by Carlisle, and Edward finally won, racing off to trash the already trashed bottle. "We have more upstairs love, don't worry", Carlisle assured one of his hands restraining me. Edward was shaking his head slightly as he reappeared from around a corner. "Edward you mustn't be so rough, you could hurt her." Edward rolled his eyes, chuckling. "She's a rampaging newborn, for the love of all that's holy."

I was happily dazed on cloud nine again. Carlisle's hand was rubbing my back. "Why don't we go get you some more blood", he offered. "I don't want any now", I answered. He eyes me suspiciously. . . _"Why?"_ Edward snickered raising both of his hands up in front of him. "Ok Carlisle you got me. I took her for a hunt earlier in the night." He seemed amused by his own self cleverness, but all of a sudden I was standing behind Carlisle who was obstructing my view.

"What were you thinking?" The question sounded sharp. Edward sighed. "I knew she could do it, we could do it. While you're at work she has to adapt to making due without you . . . or me . . . or anyone", he explained. His expression was plain again all signs of humor removed. "It was her first day Edward. Did you not see what occurred yesterday afternoon? Say there had been another wanderer . . . at her age one is enough to weigh down her conscious." _Jeez, you were so right about the whole over protective thing_, I thought. I moved around to stand in between them. "But Carlisle I did good. I killed a big deer all by myself", I expressed, a little part of me half proud. "They're called elks", Edward corrected me from behind.

Carlisle's expression reverted back to a neutral. "I'm sorry Carlisle, but . . . I knew it would take another weight off your shoulders", Edward said apologetically. Carlisle alternated a glance between Edward and I . . . "I suppose maybe I was over reacting. It's useful that she learn to feed on her own. It's just that it's barely been twenty- four hours. There is no way of determining her . . . sensitivities." I could sense the almost feud diminishing so I left them behind, darting up the stairs, and into the master bedroom. I had a plan. One I had worked hard to keep from Edward since after my melt down . . .

I lay on the king size bed in nothing but my black sweat shirt and underwear. Downstairs Carlisle and Edward were still talking. Apparently Edward was late for school. I wanted to take that sweet victory into my thoughts, but I knew there was no way I could afford it. So I lay back listening to their conversation . . . "How was she?" Carlisle asked. "She was excellent", Edward responded. "There was one minor breakdown but it's nothing to worry about anymore." "Well what was it about?" he questioned now. I could hear a set of keys jingle. "It's nothing, really Carlisle, just a . . . misunderstanding. I have to get to the school." "I'll see you later on then . . . Remember I have work again tonight." There was a pause. "Carlisle, you work every night", Edward answered, humored. I listened to the steps walking down the drive . . . the ignition . . . engine . . . speeding away . . . and gone.

Following Edward's departure, Carlisle finally joined me. I watched him as he loosened his tie. "How was your night my angel?" he asked warmly, coming to sit beside me. If I still had a heart, it would literally be pile driving through my chest right now, I thought before responding. "It was good", I answered plainly. Then in a quick twist I was over him. He smiled. "Have you missed me?" I nodded . . . "Yeah." I started sliding one of my hands down the center of his chest. When I was almost to his belt line, he stopped me, taking my hand in his. Confusion read on his expression . . . "Is something wrong my love?" he asked worriedly. I shook my head. This was so not going to go like in the movies or television shows.

"Carlisle I just want to be with you", I finally said. He smiled again, relieved. "You are with me my love, I'm right here." I shook my head again. "_No_", I stressed, growing frustrated. "I mean I want us to be together. Edward says no but we are supposed to be, I know it." And instantly – relief terminated . . . "Well", he breathed. "I guess this is what Edward calls a misunderstanding." He set me aside gently and then knelt in front of me, taking both of my hands in his . . . "Sweet angel", he began, cautiously, "I love you very much . . . As my beautiful, beloved blessing from God." If I had still possessed a heart, it would have shattered in that second.

I pulled my hands away from him and hiked off the bed. But he took hold of me before I could make any other move. "Don't be upset my angel." I shook my head, "I'm not . . . because you're mine . . . mine and no one else's ever", I mumbled back. "No one's going to take you away from me. You're mine and I'm yours, and we're supposed to be together . . . You'll see soon" . . . He pulled me in closer. "Yes, I will always be yours angel and you will always be mine . . . I will always love you forever and ever", he emphasized . . . "Right now you are much too young to understand. No one will ever take me away from you . . . not in the special way that you have me." My eyebrows furrowed together – I still shook my head. In the same moment the sound of cracking wood became distinguishable; it was coming from the oak bed frame behind us.

Air was unnecessary, so I guess it made no difference that I wasn't breathing. Behind us the front legs of the bed frame slammed against the floor. Carlisle tried to pull me closer in but I darted out of reach. When I exhaled it was painful. I stood by the doorway now, my fists tight at my sides. "I hate you", I forced. "Erin my love" - Carlisle began, but I wasn't about to give him the time to melt me away. "You should've just let me die!" I shouted in return . . . "You're just like him!" Before he could respond, the glass walls on the left exterior of the room all burst to pieces in one shot and I flung myself out of the first available exit . . .

I ran through the green maze of forest, hoping for the sake of a life that there were no wanderers around for the time being. How far had I gone? Where was I?_ Who the hell cares! _. . . _"Erin wait!" _My rejecting angel's pleading voice came. But from the sounds of it, he would never really be _mine_, so I didn't need to be his. I _wanted_ to be, but in the end what difference did that make now. _No difference. _Just as with my Allen, he was refusing me too.

I pushed myself harder . . . _"Erin!" _another distressed plea came. Then, as I went to thrust myself over a heap of shrubbery, a set of hands were locking around me. The side of my face slid across dirt, the sound of gravel crunching all around us. "Let me go!" I growled. My hands were restrained behind my back. Carlisle lifted me up to my feet with him. "I'm gonna kill you!" I exclaimed. "It doesn't have to be this way angel, settle down", was all he answered. His tone unmoved, just warm, the way it always was. I was trying to fight still, despite the fact that deep down I knew I didn't want to. So feigning exhaust, I fell to my knees. He went down with me, and his hold loosened.

"I would never unnecessarily enforce this life on anyone", he whispered from behind me, "But that night . . . a part of me was happy that Edward heard you . . . and when there was nothing left to do . . . I knew God was answering me . . . I knew I would love you forever . . . the missing piece I'd always dreamt of. The one who would help to complete this family." . . . I was liquid watering away. Ice melting into slush . . . He released me, and I turned to bury my face into the side of his neck. "I don't want you to go away", I breathed just as a dry sob escaped from my throat. "I won't angel", he soothed, gently rocking me back and forth, his arms embracing me. "I'm yours . . ."


	7. INSOMNIAC NOT

SEVEN:

INSOMNIAC . . . NOT

On our way up the paved drive of the house I looked up to analyze the new damage I'd inflicted for the first time. God . . . I was a destroyer - a walking, talking accident in progress. Carlisle seemed to pick up on my vibe. "Don't let that worry you my love. Tomorrow the repairers will come for the reconstruction." My jaw tightened at the statement. "What's the point, it will probably just be broken again days later . . . or maybe hours." We leaped up through the damaged entry way into the master bedroom again. I let myself fall onto the slanted bed shielding my head with a pillow. "I'm going to sleep", I grumbled. Beside me, Carlisle laughed lowly. "That would be thoroughly interesting to watch."

I unburied my head to look at him. "What are you talking about?" I asked, distracted from my self sponsored pity party in the making. He combed his fingers through my hair. "My love, when is the last time you can recall sleeping since you first woke?" I thought about it, trying to remember, because I knew I had to. But I couldn't – because I hadn't.

"We don't sleep", he answered before I could. I heaved an exasperated sigh. "Well I'm tired and I'm going to sleep." I reached underneath me and adjusted myself, throwing the comforter over us both. Carlisle smiled pulling me up against him. I made myself comfortable reaching one hand over to rest on his shoulder. "Erin", he said lowly, entertained again. "What are we going to do with you?" . . .

The next time I woke up, the comforter was half removed from over us. It was night, early though, I could tell by the hot pink that still lingered along the lower half of the sky. Edward stood concentrating on us . . . on me, just a foot or so off from the bed. As I looked up Carlisle looked bewildered himself. He wore a new outfit now - one of his arms was still curled around me, keeping us close together . . .

I frowned, still half asleep. "Why are you guys staring at me?" "She was", Edward answered – Carlisle. "I could tell by the state of her thoughts." I sat up now. What a way to wake up . . . jeez, I thought slightly irritated. _"You mean my dream_?" I corrected him. Carlisle was out of bed and on his feet in the next half blink. "How do you think it's possible?" he asked Edward. I growled slipping out of bed. "Stay", I whined to Carlisle hanging onto his arm. Crankily I leaned against it. "I'm just sleeping, God . . . what's the big deal?" Edward grinned, exhaling a breath.

"The big deal is you are not supposed to be able to sleep Erin." He sounded so amped up, it was almost astonishing to me how after witnessing centuries of existence, _me - sleeping_, could be what grabbed his attention. Scratch that – their attention – because Carlisle's expression looked just as dazed. "Erin my love, were you really sleeping?" He asked now staring down at me. "Yes!" I exclaimed. I turned my head to face away from the both of them who were about to make me abolish the room in a few more seconds.

"It has to be some how relevant to her ability, or maybe the nature of her genes, her being so young", Edward began with another theory. Carlisle sighed. "My shift starts in another few minutes, I'll be late again." I gripped his arm tighter. "No", I mumbled. "I'll be downstairs", I heard Edward whisper.

When he was gone I adjusted my head back around to face Carlisle. His free hand caressed the small of my back as his gaze wandered around the room. "Edward has a surprise for you tonight", he said beginning to walk with me towards the door. My grip on the fabric of his shirt sleeve tightened. "My love" – we were in the hallway now – "please. You know I'm going to have to go."

The floor beneath us was beginning to vibrate. "Angel", Carlisle's voice was soothing but slightly more alert. "I'll stay right here with you." I didn't want it to keep going. I didn't want to destroy anything else. In a sudden flash we were standing just at the bottom foot of the stairs and I was up in Carlisle's arms. Edward was in a half crouch by the front door. "Erin, Calm down", he warned in a whisper. I knew his threatening manner however, was not directly intended for me, but for the burden that came with me. "I'm going to get her outside, I can feel the strain lessening", Carlisle informed him, and in the same ending of his words we were out back a few yards out from the porch deck.

"You're spoiling her Carlisle", Edward reprimanded from beside us. Carlisle gently kissed my cheek. "Calm down my beautiful angel", he sung again . . . "What are we going to do about this?" Edward persisted staring intently out at the patch of forest ahead. "What if a neighbor were wandering?" Then unexpectedly, Carlisle passed me along to Edward. "We'll wait here", Edward answered to whatever request I had not heard. I whimpered as Carlisle vanished into the house.

"It's okay Erin", Edward comforted wearily. "He's coming back." _I want down_, I thought back. He brought his gaze down on me; it held a certain pain . . . "I know you do my sweetheart." Carlisle reappeared holding a titanium bottle; the scent of blood flooded my nostrils then and I could feel venom pouring into my mouth. I squirmed in Edward's arms and he released me just as Carlisle was close enough for me to leap into his arms. "Here we are angel", Carlisle soothed, holding the bottle up in one hand. I bit down on the top's rubber piece and the frenzy began again . . . couldn't hear, couldn't see . . . all I knew was blood – sweet, hydrating blood.

I came back after the first pull of air. Carlisle tossed the bottle Edward's way, and then used a thumb to wipe the corners of my mouth clean. "That's better isn't it my love?" I only nodded in response, resting my chin on his shoulder. After this particular feed I felt drained. "You should get her up to bed", Edward's voice seemed to echo, like it was somewhere far off, "I'll meet you." "She'll be out soon, maybe I'll make it by at least nine", Carlisle responded subtly. Something was off – had been off – but I couldn't manage to speak – I could barely manage to hold my eyes open. Everything was a stretch . . . far away, and I was just an on looking bystander . . .

I remember going up the stairs. The golden lights in the house were uncomfortable . . . We were in a new room was the most detail I could take in. "I'll be here when you wake my love", he whispered just before laying me down in a new bed, and bringing covers up to my waist. He smiled. "Sleep well." . . .

The first thing I saw was the ceiling. I was alone, that was easy to process since I was on my back, perfectly flat. There were streaks of sunlight pouring through creaks along the black curtains that surrounded me. I did my best to suppress thoughts that were creeping in now. Besides, it was obvious the blood from last night's feed had been tampered with. I had just been in too much of a blood thirsty craze to notice it at the time . . . I didn't want to move yet, the moment I did they would both know I was awake and probably rush up to gawk at me. It was surprising enough they weren't here now. Voices came into frequency then, a discussion in progress . . .

"I have heard of this kind of behavior before", Carlisle's voice was suggesting. "Fits the criteria", Edward responded. "But then again", Carlisle replied, still sounding unsure. "You never seemed to fall into that trend." Edward scoffed. "I was not fifteen, terribly misguided, with a child's unrealistic hopeful beliefs." I could sense a million unholy words ready to string together in my head but fought hard to repress them. "But all the times I ran off, did I not always return?" His question was obviously rhetorical.

Carlisle sighed. "I have seen it many of times before." _Seen what before? _I wanted to shout. My patience was beginning to simmer. "A newborn will forever be linked to their creator", Edward answered. I wondered if he could pick up on my eavesdropping after all. "With a link naturally comes attachment, and as young as she is the impact of the effect could be a great deal more intensified", he finished.

I slipped out of bed then. _Some science experiment I was to them. _I could've cared less if Edward picked up on that thought or not, though they still seemed overly engaged in the topic of the mutant newborn. Observing the room around me, I realized this must have been the surprise they both kept trying to distract me with yesterday. This was not just a room – it was _my room._ . . . The walls were freshly painted a quiet navy blue. The floor was hard wood. And I also had my own bathroom – not that I would be making much use of that aside from routine showers and regular morning maintenance - along with a walk in closet that imitated the one In Carlisle's falling apart room . . . The bed set behind me was all black with and directly across from the bed was a large fifty inch plasma television that rested on top of an elegant black furniture piece.

I shook my head. Bribery at its best . . . Tip toeing over to the left where the closet was located, I slid open the door, not bothering to turn on a light. I gave the area a quick once over; all my clothes hung around in a color coordinated display. _Vans _label shoes in all my immediate favorite colors were racked along the floor, circulating around the cubed space. . . Materialistically, I would have been gridlocked. But no, this wasn't it . . . This wasn't what was missing. _It was him_ . . .

My Allen . . . my soul mate . . . in a perfect world he would have been mine because I was the one for him and – no one was ever going to love him more than I had . . . _more than I still did. _Despite the fact that I was no longer human, this fact would never die . . .


	8. ALL FOR NOTHING

EIGHT:

ALL FOR NOTHING

I lay with the covers high over my head, resting on my stomach, when I heard someone finally enter . . .

Edward lay beside me, one foot resting off the bed. His hand made its way under the covers taking hold of mine . . . "How do you like your room?" he asked. I uncovered myself. "I like it . . . but then again that's just coming from a _misguided child with unrealistic hopeful beliefs_", I responded dryly. He grinned. "I knew you were listening. The sanative never lasts that long." I scowled at him. "I'm never trusting you again." He rolled his eyes. "Oh, how I'm aching inside."

I flipped out of bed, landing soundlessly on the floor. Edward held me back from behind, reading my thoughts. "He's out hunting . . . didn't want to leave you but I convinced him . . . he hasn't fed in days." I shrugged. "Good . . . Edward if I asked you to let me go would you?" His lips went rigid, as he read the true meaning behind the question, and he shook his head once. "Not a chance", he responded sternly. "But why?" I questioned back unfazed.

He carried me up. "It's too dangerous." I heaved a sigh letting my head rest on his shoulder. This routine was really getting old, and to think it was barely day two. "I never get to do anything I want and no one ever listens to me." Edward scoffed. "That's because all of your request so far have been unreasonable and partially senseless little sister." He walked me over to the closet and pulled open the double doors. "Why don't you pick something to wear while I fix you a bath", he suggested, setting me back down. I rolled my eyes, turning away from him and folding my arms in front of me. "Carlisle will be home soon. Don't you want to look different?" _Manipulator, _I thought. He smirked. "I'll be waiting", he answered before flashing off.

Resentfully, I'd picked out a gray "Houses of The holy" Led Zeppelin T-shirt and some faded black skinny jeans. Edward stared away and through walls for the entire duration of my bath. After I was dressed, I took the time to really look at myself for the first time in the grand mirror extending above the sink counter. I looked . . . pale . . . and perfect . . . just like the two angels. But there was one exception. In this flawless body there were parts still missing . . . my breasts were two small mounds, a couple of A-cups . . . my face was that of an adolescent's – because I was one. And now, I would remain the image – in the body of one for all that was left of this . . . limited eternity.

Edward suddenly appeared in the reflection beside me, his expression pain stricken. He took my hand in his. "You shouldn't dwell so often . . . it will only make it worse in the end." I turned to face him. "He'll never want me this way", I answered. Edward kneeled down. "Erin, we talked about this sweetheart", he responded in a low strain. "Not Carlisle", I corrected, "Allen. I wanted to go see him soon." Edward pulled me onto his lap . . . "My sweetheart", he swallowed once. "Allen is . . . not like us . . . he's human and . . . he could get hurt now . . ." "But I won't hurt him", I mumbled pleadingly. Edward only nodded once . . . "I know you won't." "So one day?" I asked again. His breathing seemed to stop Then . . . "One day", he confirmed. Hope sprouted inside of me. "You promise?" He nodded staring me down. "Yes . . . I promise you", he whispered . . . "But in return you must promise me something", he added unexpectedly. I locked eyes with him, cautious now. "What is it?" He pursed his lips raising an eyebrow . . . "In just a few minutes the . . . rest of our family will be arriving." I gasped caught off guard, but he placed a finger to my lips before I could say anything. "They have been in Denali for the past few days waiting for you to have … settled in . . . They are all actually very . . .ecstatic about you." I shoved his hand away and backed away in one swift move. _"Family? Expecting me? H- how . . ." _I trailed off mid blurt.

Edward straightened back up, smiling crookedly now. "There's Alice . . . she can . . . see The future – based on one's decisions anyway . . . she saw you coming a while back." I grimaced; he only chuckled faintly in response. "Then there's Jasper – her mate - and Emmett and Rosalie . . . also mates." I could feel the confusion just twisting on my expression . . . "Don't you have a . . . mate?" was all I could manage. He gave me an odd look. "No", he answered sounding amused. "I don't . . . yet." From downstairs I could make out the sound of an engine revving and the garage door slamming shut in the next millisecond. "We're home!" a chirpy female voice sung with a definite enthusiasm overload. Edward shook his head, grimacing now. "Bring it down a notch Alice please", he cautioned in a mellow tone. The he looked back to me extending a hand . . . "The promise is that you will try and work with them . . . they can be rather overwhelming at first . . ." I only nodded, taking his hand. He pulled me close to his side. "Don't worry, I'll protect you", he said more sarcastically than literally . . .

In a single flash, we were out in the back yard and four strangers were gathered across from us. I jerked my head mechanically as Carlisle suddenly appeared at my left, his expression more hesitant even than my own. Then a pixie looking female, that could pass for a sort of enchanted fairy strayed a step forward. Her hair was only a bit longer than my own, cropped short and sort of spiky all around, a Hershey brown. She was maybe four foot, nine, and was dressed in all black attire, pulling off the prissy look perfectly. "Oh my god Erin, I have been waiting six and a half months for you – we're going to be such great friends . . . I already see it!", she enthused. _Whoa, _I thought internally. "Alice", Carlisle timidly cautioned. She made a mocking face at him. "Oh relax Carlisle she'll be fine", her eyes darted back to me, "I can see that too."

Through peripheral vision, I could see Edward roll his eyes. He shook his head, sighing lowly. "Erin", he began, "I'm sure I don't need to tell you, This is Alice . . . That's Jasper", he continued gesturing with a jerk of his head at a blond male. His wavy hair hung maybe an inch or two above his shoulders and the image of him scram _dangerous. _Nearly every visible part of his body was marred with scars – bite marks, and he also appeared sufficiently fit. He smiled wryly at me. "Hello Erin", he introduced himself, his voice layered with a thick country accent. Out of pure nerves and my natural shyness, I remained a mute, now edging closer to Carlisle so that I was half hidden by him. He took my hand in his and squeezed it gently. "It's okay my love", he murmured.

Edward gestured Then to a blond female. "This is Rosalie", he went on. The most beautiful yet – this goddess resembling angel most certainly belonged on the front cover of a magazine or maybe one of those grand sized billboards you would see on the sides of highways. Her hair hung long down her back, perfectly straight, and fashionably trimmed – also that same golden blond. She wore a black leather waist length jacket, black shirt, and a pair of denim jeans that exposed every one of her supermodel curves, accompanied by matching stiletto boots. She only gave me a half hearted wave, not bothering to say anything at all. Her demeanor reminded me of a ticked off wet cat. I'd be keeping my distance from her – at least until maybe If given the chance I was able to get to know her better – not that I held much interest for that either way.

"Geez, she makes you look like a cake walk babe", a male beside Rosalie spoke. His tone was gruff. Every inch of his body was so ripped it would make the hulk look pint size. His hair was black, short cropped just a little shorter than my own. He was rugged, entirely, wearing whit on white attire. "Don't push me", Rosalie spoke for the first time under her breath. Her tone had a cold edge to it, yet it was still like birds chirping or – wind chimes . . . "That's Emmett", Edward finished shooting me an entertained glance.

Alice strayed in a dancing like motion To stand in front of us. "It's too bad Esme ducked out on you Carlisle", she said obliviously merry. I felt Carlisle completely tense then. Edward's eyes could have bulged out of their sockets. "Alice!" He warned. But she just went on. "Guess this would have been that dream child of hers she'd always wanted." _Who the hell is Esme?_ I thought at Edward. "Oh", Alice said looking back to me. "Esme is Carlisle's ex – wife." _"What is wrong with you?" _Carlisle exclaimed agitatedly.

With that, there was fire – burning fire – brewing in me again . . . The ground beneath us shook as the porch deck fell to pieces from the second story. Following, the back doors on the first floor burst apart as well. Carlisle restrained me as I struggled to free myself, a menacing snarl escaping from the pit of my throat, and in a second's time Edward had Alice behind his back. "Angel!" Carlisle urged. Then abruptly Jasper was in front of Carlisle and I, obstructing my view. "A little territorial I see", I could hear Rosalie snicker in the background. "Rosalie", Edward growled.

In a moment, despite my rage, something was changing in me . . . I could feel the fire simmering . . . unwillingly but indeed calming, until I found myself pressed into Carlisle's chest and he was rubbing a hand up and down my arm. "There we are my angel, everything is okay. Fret not Alice's slip of the tongue, it is just a thing of the past", he soothed. "Jasper", Edward addressed, calm again. The blond smiled slickly . . . "The good news is I've seen worse than her on any day", he responded. Alice was suddenly at his right side. "Her power is even stronger than I anticipated Carlisle", she spoke, giggling playfully, "amazing." Carlisle eyed her, like he was ready To lose it. Emmett came into view, a cheese grin on his face. Rosalie trailed behind him. "Can't say this won't be interesting", he said, sounding more amped up Than any sane person should have been. My focus remained on him. _What's wrong with this guy? _I wondered internally, and heard Edward scoff. "Little bad ass aren't you kid?" Emmett mocked smugly, raising an eyebrow. Carlisle's hold of me loosened. He laughed weakly. "Emmett give her sometime before you begin prying at her nerves." . . .

**Some of you may have noticed That prior To now chapTer seven was a copy of chapTer 6. My bad guys I'd uploaded The wrong doc so Those of you who have come across This error you can now go back and read The acTual version . . . once again my apologies :(**


	9. FROM HERE

NINE:

FROM HERE

**Two Years Later . . . **

"Erin You're going To be late!" Alice called from downstairs. "Don't make me have to go up and drag you out of that room because I will." I played with my jet black crop of hair in The bathroom. "I said I'm fucking going!" I called back annoyed. "Erin love, please don't speak to Alice That way", I could here Carlisle's subtle velvet warning coming from inside of his office. Taking one last admiring glance in the mirror, I flashed over to meet him ready to proceed with the debate we had been having every morning since The day I turned sixteen years old. "Carlisle I already said I don't want to go." He sighed looking up at me, and putting aside a stack of intern applications. "My love, can we please go just one morning without having this argument that we both know will amount to nothing in the end?" he wearily asked.

My lower jaw muscles tightened. "Why should I have to keep going to stupid fucking high school when I'm seventeen years old and can drop out already? It shouldn't even be your choice anyways, _it's my life!" _He sat up out of his leather chair and came around to lean against his desk, so we were across from each other. "Dropping out requires parent consent, which you don't have now nor will you ever", he began his usual lines. "And you must go for educational purposes." I growled. "When I'm eighteen I won't need parent consent", I retorted. He sighed. "As long as you live under my roof you will attend school no matter what age you are." My fists were balled at my sides and I slammed my back pack against the floor, before letting myself slump back on the small brown leather couch next to the fireplace. "I'm not going", I said folding my arms in front of me.

"_Erin_", he cautioned. "You know you don't want to play this game with me." I could feel my body trembling slightly and the walls around us began to vibrate, causing some of the paintings to begin to tremble as well. He eyed me sternly . . . "Don't you dare it", he warned. I darted out of the room then flying pass Alice who was waiting at the foot of the stairs, out the door and into the red BMW convertible that was already running. I threw the back pack under my feet and in the same action Alice sat beside me in the driver's seat. "So you're ready now?" she asked amused. When I didn't answer she floored the pedal anyways and we were off . . .

"You know I can't recall my teenage years", Alice spoke after a few minutes, "But for a shitty a card as my parents dealt me I can only hope I gave them as much hell as you do poor Carlisle." I slumped sideways against the door. "None of you have to go to school", I grumbled. "Not even Emmett and Rosalie who are supposed to be in _Harvard_", I made sure to emphasize the prestigious university's name which my older adopted siblings were not even attending. _Instead they were vacating in Alaska right now, lunching on luscious polar bear and wolves. _Alice rolled her eyes at me. "That's because all of our times here are up, we've already attended the four years of high school here so we can't exactly double back because certain people want to feel equal", she responded with an amused smirk. "Well none of you are attending college. _Isn't that the next step_", I countered. "We all have degrees – countless ones", she replied breezily, "so do you want to keep going with this conversation." I shrugged. "Good because we're here", she said just as we pulled in to the parking lot of Forks _spectacular _high school. I heaved a sigh reaching for my backpack beneath me and stepping out of the car. Alice waved goodbye on her way out of the lot and I cocked my head at her.

I didn't even have the benefit of ditching since my adopted sister and best friend was a fortune teller. This totally sucked. Edward and Alice had graduated last year - for like the millionth time which left me here all solitary style. I reached behind my back retrieving my iPod classic from the front pocket of my pack. Popping the headphones in each ear, I skimmed through the list of artists until I found nirvana. I could give a rat's ass if any of the school staff had a problem with me tuning out _education _with blasting music. If Carlisle wanted me in school then fine, I'd be here; it didn't mean I had to actually pay attention.

I had begun high school shortly after my six month mark as a vampire. Apparently I had developed Carlisle's same will power. My eyes had transgressed to the familiar honey topaz my siblings regularly sported and off I was forced to school . . . freshman year. I was now _Erin Cullen._ The story: I was Emmett's half sister – since I resembled him The closest - come to stay after my parent's passing during a horrid, unspeakable accident, all The way from Canada. Ugh . . . _Canadian. _The beginning was the worst however. I thought about it as I took a seat in my first period advanced English class way off in the back of the class. All the other girls were constantly asking me how hot the infamous Doctor Cullen_ – The love of my otherwise purposeless life - _looked with his shirt off. And Then there was the old, _what's it like in Canada? _

I had zero friends. Everyone told me it would be best this way so that there was no way a human life could be ended or . . . _ended_ courtesy of us. This rule never bothered me much considering I had always been far from a social butterfly to begin with. The day was passing just like another drag. It sucks living forever – let alone having to do it sober. One night when I was home alone I'd gotten bored and attempted to down a bottle of whisky That they had in the house for show. To minimize the story, the end result was me gagging and vomiting nothing for hours while my insides burned away. By the time Carlisle got home He found Rosalie and Emmett both uselessly trying to nurse me on the couch in the living room. He ended up force feeding a tube down my throat and pumping my stomach . . . I thought he was trying to kill me at first. Then he had the nerve after all the torture I had already endured to ground me for the remainder of the week . . .

I ditched gym at sixth period, not caring whether Alice saw that decision or not. I did this regularly for the fear of displaying a little too much physical ability. I walked out onto the lot, headed for the side of the school when the black Mercedes pulled up alongside me. My posture went rigid for a moment before I heaved a sigh and swung the door open hopping in to the passenger's side. I tossed my bag to the back seat. "I didn't need you to pick me up . . . I could've ran home", I said irritably. Carlisle sighed . . . "I simply wanted to spend some time with you . . . Seems we have not had a chance to do that much lately without tearing each other apart."

I rolled my eyes. "You're not my dad", I reminded him as usual. He shook his head chuckling faintly. "And you are not my daughter. We've been through this remember", he countered in return. I hated when he only joked away my subtle hints. Though it had been a year and a half already, I still had not let go of the idea that _he was mine, and I was his._ I was still incredibly possessive of him and irrationally territorial, despite the small side of me that wished not to be. The side that wished to forget I ever felt a thing . . .

He pulled over at the half way point on the side of the road, where we were already entrapped by the maze of green pines. I waited . . . He reached his hand over caressing the side of my cheek, and despite my rock hard front, I was already liquefying. "I don't understand why it's been like this Erin", he whispered nearly broken. I moved his hand away from my face and set it down on the console between us, keeping my hand over his. For a while all that was audible was the droplets of rain that patted against the windows . . . "I love you", I finally managed in a low strain . . . "you should love me back." His eyebrows furrowed as pain struck through his expression.

"I do love you my angel", he strained back. "But you are much too young." I laughed humorlessly. "Were you not a couple centuries too old for _her_", I responded dryly. "Yes I was . . . and look what it has gotten me." I shook my head turning to face him. "But I would never leave you. I would love you forever – and – no one will ever be able to love you like I can . . . not even with their best foot forward", I argued . . . pleading. I'd been pleading for a year and a half – verbally anyways . . . The civilized way . . . But thinking on it what champion ever won by the grace of civility? None I could think up.

I went over the console and straddled my legs around his waist. Reflexively he pushed the seat back as far as it would go. "Erin, my love" - I reached for a black bandana I had in the back pocket of my jeans, not giving him a chance to finish, and in a single twisting motion he was blind folded . . . He sighed miserably, "Angel please", he said, placing both of his hands on either side of my waist. "I love you Carlisle - and - you love me", I whispered. Then I thrust against him - he tried to restrain me, but I still possessed some of my newborn strength after all – and crushed my lips against his . . . at first he fought some – barely despite the fact that he was capable of far more. Then, though I had originally anticipated this would turn out to be just me looking like the senseless dumbass that I was, he stopped fighting and started responding . . . with his tongue.

He twisted and twirled it, and my own tongue greedily accepted. After the first few seconds I was heated, hypnotized by the sensation of his soft lips. Absorbed by the taste of his sweet nectar . . . He finally was the one who gently pulled us apart minutes that seemed like only cheap seconds later. He removed the blindfold and just . . . stared, locking me in his hypnotic gaze. "Erin", he began . . . "This is wrong." I winced at his assessment but quickly recovered. "Life is wrong", I responded. He sighed shaking his head. "What would the others think?" I forced a faint laugh. "Alice probably already saw this. Bet she'll give them the heads up no doubt."

There was silence. His breathing had stopped . . . I went to lean in closer but he stopped me. "Erin I . . . need some time", he said lowly . . . "I'm going to drop you home. We will . . . discuss this when I return in the morning." I could feel my insides literally wrench and air caught in my throat . . . "Carlisle I love you", I repeated in a broken whisper. He ran his fingers along the side of my face like he was trying to wipe away the tears that should have been streaming down. "I know you do", he emphasized . . . "I love you too." I exhaled a painful breath. "I'm . . . going to run", I said. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, before nodding slowly. "Straight home", he answered. I nodded and in a rushed movement I was out of the car and running . . . running as fast as I could away from this moment . . .

Alice and Edward were both already waiting for me at the front steps of the house when I made it through the clearing onto the drive. Edward flashed to my side pulling me along by my arm. "How could you?" his Tone was sharp and stern. As we entered inside Alice pried his fingers from around my arm. "Edward I warned you, if you are going to ruin this moment with your negative attitude you can just do something with yourself", she snapped at him, her voice still all the same carrying its merriness. "Whatever", Edward said under a breath as Alice guided and plopped me down on the couch. "Alice I think the moment was ruined from the start", I said somberly, leaning my head back and shutting my eyes. "God . . . he probably hates me now."

Alice giggled . . . "That's not what I see", she sung. "Well it sure is what I saw", I responded. I felt her lightly plop down beside me and opened my eyes to meet her ear to ear grin. _I was so confused._ "Oh, Erin you don't know how long I have been anticipating this moment." I sat up then. "Wait – you saw this coming?" Edward scoffed from over in a corner. "Did she . . . I've been nauseated for weeks." "Edward!" she snapped again. "Alright, you know I'm going to take a . . . walk", he answered, The disgust in fact evident in his Tone, and he went through the back doors darting away, probably for The sake of any patience he might have left. Alice never paid him any mind, only making a face, her encouraging smile fully focused on me.

"Why didn't you . . ." I began but couldn't manage to finish. "Because it would have ruined everything of course", she answered like it was so obvious. "Ok so here's The scenario . . . right now he's a little . . .off. But I see his mood about the incident bettering by later on tonight. _But_", she further expressed . . . "I can't see anything past that at the moment." . . . I groaned slouching back into the leather interior of the couch, "Alice that could mean anything." "Yes", she confidently chirped, "But I've already seen you two . . . doing things", she said slightly mischievous. I scoffed . . . "Arguing doesn't count."

She rolled her eyes, squeezing one of my cheeks playfully . . . "Honey if that's arguing, then I Wish Jasper and I did more of it." My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. Alice giggled again. "Just sit tight, relax", she sung, "and ", she mused putting a finger to her lip, "maybe you might opt to sleep in the study tonight", she hinted. I forced a faint chuckle. She passed a hand through my hair. "Patience . . . Lots of patience from here, you must remember . . ." I nodded absent mindedly, completely out of it by this point. "Edward is really mad at me", I said lowly. She sighed, "I know. But he'll get over it soon enough . . . I can promise." "Never bet against you", I mumbled under a breath.

The pain of The dragging time drilled through me mercilessly – it wanted to torture me –with its super slug speed – The same amount of time it would take nails to work through concrete. Sleep was only a dream Too far out of reach . . . I'd endured my agonizing sentence in his office The whole Time Through. I was leaned against the couch on the rug floor, and it was nearly dawn when I heard the garage door crank to life, simultaneously accompanied by the open and shut of the house door. I braced myself . . . my breathing halted and I tensed seconds before he walked in . . .

My head was down as I stared blankly at nothing . . . "How was your night?" He asked after a brief silence. I shrugged, "It was whatever." He loosened his tie, leaning back against his desk, as if he actually needed the support. His expression was unreadable . . . "My night was very long as well", he said. His Tone was all business casual which really bugged me. Then in a single flash he was standing over me. "Are you not going to prepare yourself for class?" I grimaced looking up at him. _"What the fuck are you talking about Carlisle?" _He cleared his Throat . . . "School starts in another hour." In a single rigid movement I was on my feet . . . _"I hate you"_, I forced The words. He raised an eyebrow. "Yes, you very much demonstrated that yesterday", he replied, a smirk Threatening at the corner of his mouth. I went to pound a fist against his chest but he caught my arm, pulling me roughly up against him . . . I could feel his firm chest against my own, locked in by his gaze again . . . he cupped the side of my face and leaned in gently biting down on my bottom lip . . .

"Are you going to behave?" he whispered The question. My mind was beyond distorted, somewhere way pass cloud nine. All I could manage was a weak nod. He released my arm. "Very well Then, wait here . . . I'm going To clear The house for us." It was then that I was reminded of Alice, Edward, and Jasper who were probably listening just as we spoke, and the embarrassment brought me back to a moot point. Carlisle darted off and I stared after him frozen in place.

In another twenty some seconds he was back casually relaxing back on The couch and patting the spot beside him. I was still frozen . . . a lifeless statue. Carlisle laughed faintly running a hand through his perfect golden hair. "Please do not tell me after this whole ordeal, you are going to be the one who backs out." I frowned at him. "I'm not . . . backing out of anything. You're the one who ran off to _work, _because all of a sudden _you had to go in early_, incase you forgot", I threw back at him. He muffled laughter. "Well Then since your so clearly not worried why don't you sit." I scoffed. "I was going to before you started with your crap", I managed, trying to sound nonchalant . . . like that was even possible.

I sat, so timidly it was pathetic. The silence was awkward and if my heart was still functional, I think it would have combusted. One of his arms curled around my waist pulling me against his side. "So", I began awkwardly . . . "Alice saw . . . Edward was all bitchy." He nodded. I could feel him breathe against the nape of my neck and my nerves got all tingly despite the tension. "Yes, I spoke to him last night." I exhaled. "Well thanks for leaving me to take all the heat." He laughed faintly. "I did think it would be a suitable punishment at the time." I looked over at him. "So is this a _punishment _Too?" His eyes were dark and hallow now, a look I had never seen him wear before . . . "No", he answered Timidly after a few seconds.

I swallowed . . . "So . . . what is it Then?" He sighed looking away . . . "What I have been trying to avoid for The last two years. I . . . want you Erin . . . I want you to be mine", he faced me again, "are you satisfied now?" I shrugged slightly. "Yeah, I guess. I've waited long enough." He nodded once, and by the expression he wore I could see The overwhelming factor of all of this was hitting him . . . "I know you have", he whispered. Then he pulled me onto his lap and I straddled his waist. His lips should have been a sin. His kisses were heroin, an addiction senseless to fight. I moaned into his mouth and a low growl rumbled from his chest. The heat in between my thighs was unbearable now. I had never felt this before. His hips were grinding upwards against my small mound and I could feel the stiffness of his length rubbing against the sensitive nerves over my jeans . . . Impulsively I reached for the leather strap of his belt unfastening it; I was going straight for the gold. But he abruptly stopped me placing a hand over mine, while his other one was still at the small of my back, his fingers tracing along . . .

"Not yet", he said in a sooth. His lips trailed down, pecking The side of my neck. I sighed miserably, as he Took in a breath . . . "I don't want To do it like This", he whispered, "must do Things right . . . for you." I chuckled, The sound barely audible. "For me", I managed, "This is right enough." He unburied himself from my neck and pulled away to face me. "We will marry", he said. I made a face at him, Entertained by his utter formality. "Marriage, really?" He smiled. "Where I come from, it's the way one says I love you." I muffled laughter, letting my hands slide from his shoulders casually To his chest. "Well over here in The twenty first century, its not exactly top of the list at my age."

He raised an eyebrow . . . "Would you be ashamed of it?" "No", I emphasized suddenly, "Of course not. I could never be ashamed of you." I sighed, resting my head against his chest. He adjusted us so that we were laid out, keeping one of my hands in his, a thumb rubbing my palm. "Can we get married soon though, I really . . . want to", I expressed Timidly. He sighed, laughing lowly . . . "After you graduate", he sung. I rolled my eyes, "You're joking right?" He kissed The hand he held gently . . . "You would only hope my love." I sighed, taking in the minor damper. "Are you going To Throw one of your fits now?" he asked Teasingly. "No", I whined immaturely . . .

He kissed my head, pressing us impossibly closer Together . . . "From here is forever my angel. I vow It", he whispered into my ear . . .


	10. IT WAS NOTHING

TEN:

IT WAS NOTHING

Four months passed. Carlisle had formally proposed a week shy of my eighteenth birthday. As for The family, They had all adjusted surprisingly well To our new relationship status and were actually very fond of our progression. All except for Edward of course, who was still gradually making it There. There was one frustrating but necessary factor; No one in Forks or within The immediate area could yet know about us for The simple fact That Carlisle was supposed To be Thirty-eight years old and I was only just about to hit the legal age limit. Thankfully, this burden would only hover over us for a few more days, not That we were in any specific rush To proclaim our love To The world. It was just . . . rather irritating when Carlisle's co-workers at The hospital Tried To _set him up_ or a female nurse or patient started Throwing herself at him – _my fiancée_ - while I was right beside him, unable To act on my Territorial instincts To defend what was mine.

We now both shared the master bedroom, Though Technically my old room now served as extra closet space. On This morning I awoke as usual To Velvet kisses being spread over me. I could feel Carlisle's lips at my navel - That definitely was the one that woke me – and twitched at the tickling feeling . . . "My love you're going to be late", he sung with his lips pressed against mine. I opened my eyes, and moaned as the light of day hit. "How much longer do I have To Do This again?" I asked groggily. "Just a little while longer love", he soothed caressing my cheek.

I turned onto my side so That I could rest against his firm chest . . . "I missed you last night." He had been working double shifts for The last few days since one of The other doctors had Taken a leave of absence. "As I missed you", he responded, his fingers dancing along my back. "Soon my hours will revert back to normal love. Doctor Martin is set to return by the coming Monday." I heaved a miserable sigh before shifting out of bed. Carlisle stood To meet me. "Guess, I'm going to get ready", I said, misery clearly audible in my voice. He leaned in, crushing his lips against mine while he cupped my face in his hands. I had yet to overcome The ecstasy that came with him. It was likely I never would, but that was fine by me . . .

"I'll drop you?" he questioned, like it was necessary to ask. I crushed my lips into his again, having To tippy toe just so I could barely reach them. He grabbed me from behind hiking me upwards. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he sat us back on the edge of the bed. I could feel his length, stiff and ready, pressed over my underwear and instantly I could feel the relentless heat . . . "Please", I whispered brokenly against his lips. He sighed biting my right cheek playfully . . . "So is that a yes?" he asked, teasing again. I rolled my eyes, throwing my head back for a moment in frustration, before letting my legs drop. "I'm going To get ready." He chuckled, amused. "I'll be waiting downstairs."

I took my time showering, wanting to stretch the time as Thinly as possible. Freedom was exactly four days away – my birthday- when I would be able to show all the whore's out there my Carlisle would never be theirs, because he was mine - and seven month's following was The official end of my personal hell at Forks high school. It had snowed the previous night. I dragged my feet unnecessarily across the white paved driveway over to the black Mercedes where Carlisle was already waiting. "Mellow dramatic as usual", he mused, eying me through the rearview mirror. I pulled the door open settling into the passenger's side. "You know, really, if we're _engaged _now", I emphasized, "I should be able to make decisions like, oh say, whether I want to attend school or not for myself." He clucked his Tongue, shooting me a dubious look. "Your education is of value to me." I rolled my eyes. "That's nice so tell you what - I'll just purchase another forged document off J Jenks and bam, instant educational Value . . . literally." He smirked. "Yes well I would like for your education to be as legit as possible . . . The first time around anyway."

I scoffed. _"In a world where supernatural beings have morals, dyer boredom will suffocate you", _I mocked. He took my hand bringing it up to his lips and biting it playfully. He heaved a miserable sigh. "Guess it's very convenient that neither of us are capable of suffocation", he retorted smoothly. I chuckled wearily as we first merged into town. "Is There ever a time when you don't have an answer?" He pressed his Thumb into the back of my hand rubbing it gently. "It's possible but . . . highly unlikely." I sighed shaking my head, secretly smiling on the inside. "I have a surprise for you later on", he announced casually. I eyed him suspiciously. "What kind of surprise?" He repressed a laugh. "It's merely just a token of my love." My jaw muscle tightened as I tensed pulling my hand away. "Well this _token _better not be some overpriced unnecessary purchase."

He clucked his tongue as we pulled into the school's lot, halting at the curb. "I will see you later Then?" I glared at him. "Whatever it is, you're returning it Carlisle." "I love you too my love but if you don't hurry off you're going to be late", he answered as if he was having some other conversation with some other version of me. I shook my head clutching my backpack. "Nice", I answered pushing open The door, "really mature." He repressed another laugh, Then looked back to lock me in his inescapable gaze . . . "I love you", he said with such unbearable emphasis I could almost feel The pull sucking me in, begging me To stay . . . "I love you Too . . . see you later", I responded in a half daze. Then I exited The car, lingering a few extra seconds on the sidewalk until The vehicle was out of sight.

The day was Trailing away as usual. Calculus- my dreaded subject had just come To a close and I was in lunch hour, attempting to tune out all the countless moronic conversations that were taking place around me, seated alone at a corner table shoved to the back of the cafeteria when it happened. Some random woman just up and pulls a seat across from me. From her attire I could easily identify her as a staff member. I immediately tensed feeling uncomfortable. This was the closest I'd ever been To anybody here - period, and the scent of her was no help.

"Hi", she finally said after a little over a minute of being unacknowledged. I could feel my teeth grounding against each other . . . "Hi", I answered dryly, refusing To make any eye contact. She cleared her Throat slightly. Her demeanor was fragile and in a way somehow like she was embarrassed which could only signify that some awkward moment was about to happen. Her hair was long red curls. Her face was clearly a product of a make up overdose, not that I ever bothered with the crap, and comparing her breast size to the rest of her body they were so silicone dreams. "Your Erin Cullen right?" she asked in this little sketchy type Tone. I adjusted myself in my seat. "Yup", I responded, making sure to sound obviously uninterested in her; This normally served as an effective deterrent. "Nice to meet you Then", she went on. I shrugged. "I'm sorry is There something I can help you with?" She looked down at the table suddenly, blushing.

"In a way . . . kind of", she answered, and There it was; _awkward in progress. _My expression Twisted. "Ok, so," I pressed. She sighed . . . "You're Doctor Cullen's daughter right?" _And here we go, _I thought simultaneously. "No", I began . . . as usual. "I'm Emmett Cullen's half sister, why?" She smiled her lips curving in content . . . "I just . . . was hoping you could do me The favor of delivering a message for me." My jaw tightened. "You see", she continued apparently unaware of my displayed hostility. "Between you and me, The doctor and I were once very", she paused seeming to be searching for the precise word, "close", she finished her smile unraveling a bit more now. I reclined back in my seat, removing my hands off The table so she wouldn't be able to make out the two ready and waiting fists. "I use to be married . . . but now I'm not", she said. The whore sounded so proud it was pitiful, like it was just so sexy. "Would it be too much of a bother if I asked you to pass it on?" _Would it be too much of a bother if I slammed your face into the floor? _

I knew I could not let the fire rule me Though, Not here, Not Now, so instead I got to my feet abruptly causing her to flinch. I stared her down menacingly . . . "I apologize for the inconvenience, but I'm afraid that is a message for you to deliver all on your own", I replied coldly. Then, before she could utter another word out of that trashy mouth of hers, I stormed off leaving her looking like a deer caught in headlights . . .

I forgot about next period – forgot about school – forgot all of The world around me in my haze of pure, raging fire. I'd gone through the back of The school, using The woods as an outlet to Forks community hospital. The trip only took maybe seven to eight minutes since I was running at full velocity. I stormed through the emergency room entrance, the doors automatically shifting apart, only asking the nurse at the front desk to let _Doctor Cullen_ know I was waiting in his office. She'd nodded and smiled curtly, and on I went. In his office I paced back and forth relentlessly. _Oh, he was going to hear it_, I thought grimly, and in The precise moment he walked in.

He smiled warmly, clearly relieved. "My love", he greeted me, "what are you doing here?" I glared, working to unclench my jaw, which took a certain effort. "You wanna know what I'm doing here?" I icily questioned in return. And with that he locked the door with a decisive click. "Of course, it is rather early. Did something happen?" I breathed a slow, deep breath solely out of habit . . . "You wanna know what happened?" I only questioned back again. Concern overtook his expression Then. "But of course. Erin, my love, you are – "So I'm sitting in that shit hole cafeteria", I cut him off mid sentence, "just trying to get through another shit hole day, when some red haired bimbo staff bitch comes up To me with a message – _for you_", I said accusingly, slurring The words. To my astonishment he looked confused now. "What did she have to say my love?" I laughed humorlessly. _"Oh nothing much, she just wanted to let you know – and I quote – that she isn't married anymore so now you can fuck around in the open." _ Guilt and . . . remorse played across his face Then, and I Thrust back into a chair on the opposite side of his desk, catching myself last second so as not to break it to pieces.

His lips pursed in a rigid line before he sighed, walking hesitantly to stand in front of me . . . "I think I can explain That my love." I scoffed making a face at him before looking away. "Don't even bother trying to smooth talk your way out of this one okay pretty boy." He knelt down. "It was just a venture Erin my love – it happened much before you . . . nearly two years ago." My eyes widened and in the same I rammed a fist into his chest_. "You were fucking around with queen bimbo Then turning around and coming to play Daddy dearest with me?"_ He rubbed a hand against his chest, "That very much hurt", he only answered as serene as ever, which only further ignited the fire in me. "Yeah, That was the fucking point", I shot back. He got back to his feet turning away from me and straying a few steps . . .

"You can be impossible sometimes", he said lowly. He sighed . . . "I have work To Tend To." In The same I darted in front of him. "So that's it Then, you're just going to defend _her?" _He shook his head, hesitating before speaking again . . . "How dare you?" he challenged sternly. "How dare you question my love for you? Do you doubt me so?" I was a mute now taking a feeble step back. "Time after time again", he said, more To himself This Time. Fear sprouted inside of me. Maybe I had in fact been wrong for just coming here like This, and now, slowly but surely he was bringing me back down to earth from my high and mighty, imaginary pet stool in the clouds . . .

"I don't – doubt you Carlisle. It's just . . . God, you could have at least done better than some married whore – did morals not matter then?" He chuckled with no true humor intended. Then he took my hand in his pulling me to him. His coal black eyes fell to mine . . . "No, they didn't . . . Not then", he spoke softly. "Any and all women I may have encountered before you were nothing but quick fixes to fulfill my needs as a man Erin . . . Now there is only you and", he paused momentarily, "every moral matters because I only want to treat you like the precious gift that you are . . . my angel, they are nothing – they were always nothing . . . but you, you are everything to me."

I swallowed cursing myself inside . . . "So for my birthday can I kick her ass?" I bluntly asked. He chuckled faintly. "I think in a fight where its vampire verses human the end result might raise a lot of the town's attention our way my love." I raised an eyebrow. "Well maybe I could just keep it neutral, bang her up a bit and call it an even score." He brought a hand to the back of my head and leaned in crushing his lips into mine. I sighed beginning to lose focus as his fingers twisted in my hair. "I certainly don't approve of violence", he whispered huskily into my open mouth, "but I must admit these jealous crazes of yours are quite the turn on." I smiled against his lips. "Well its good To know one of us can find some form of pleasure in Them", I mumbled back.

He hiked me up against the wall and I wrapped my legs around his waist. "You know", I barely managed as I felt his brick hard length twitch against my pelvic bone, "its really cynical of you to always torture me this way just to not give it up in the end." He broke the kiss muffling a laugh before moving down to bury his face into the crook of my neck. He bit down on my shoulder and my center involuntarily convulsed against his length. Then in a swift move he was setting me down on The edge of his desk. He placed his hands on either side of me and leaned in To indulge again, suckling on my bottom lip one final Time before forcing himself To break away.

He inhaled a gruff breath . . . "Patients will deteriorate because of you", he whispered. I rolled my eyes hopping off The desk. "Well, since I've officially clocked out of forks high for The day guess I'll bolt home and use my hand To create The illusion That you and I are having sex." He pulled me by my hips Then up against him, quirking an eyebrow. "Perhaps maybe you might wait on me." I scoffed, "What so you can have a free show? I don't think so super tease." He chuckled. "Emmett is waiting for you To Flaunt his new truck anyways." I nodded, "So I'm all cock blocked up, got you." I palmed his hard on over his dress slacks and he backed away instantly. "Go – now", he ordered with a mischievous smirk. I raised both my hands up. "Fine, away I will go to wallow in my own sexual frustration", I said, already making my way To The door.


	11. YOU DIDN'T KILL ME BUT YOU MINE AS

ELEVEN:

YOU DIDN'T KILL ME BUT YOU MINE AS WELL HAVE

Emmett was indeed ready and waiting for me By the open garage when I arrived, leaned against The wall. "About time you made it runt", he greeted me with a smug smirk. "Edward and Jasper went into town and I needed someone to envy me." I rolled my eyes at him walking at human pace now up the driveway. "Yeah, yeah sir needy", I shot back sarcastically. When I made it To him he gestured casually with This loud and proud expression on his face To a Tangerine H3 Hummer That was center parked in The garage clearly on display. I nodded Taking in the scene of it. "Well . . . Rose must have been ecstatic." He made a face. "She'll adapt, and besides, it beats out those prissy ball convertibles on any day." I scoffed, shaking my head. "I won't argue with you There."

Then I noticed it. Far back To The right. An indistinguishable vehicle outlined by a baby blue carp That draped over it. I frowned. _He better not have_. . . I looked To Emmett who was now grinning broadly. "What's with that?" He chuckled amused. "It's a surprise from a certain someone To you." I Took in a breath, gritting my Teeth. "I'm going To kill him", I growled, "and Then, he's returning it." He snickered something . . . "I'd love To see That happen _sport._" He trapped me in a headlock Then and we began the usual wrestling match. "This is so not fair when you're like quadruple my size", I complained. He chortled grounding his fist against my head before I finally managed To jam my elbow against his right rib and he released me. He was still frolicking in his own amusement, one hand rubbing The side where I had elbowed him. "Well you're not supposed To see it yet so how about you hold back The PMS session for your hubby and we go on a hunt." I shook my head looking away from The concealed vehicle in disgust. "Cool, cool", I replied with a shrug.

I could already sense it close enough; A feline in distress. I knew The mammal had To be some sort of wild cat solely from The extra zing of The scent. Feline blood resembled human blood The most, it always came The closest. "What'd you say, first come first serve?" Emmett challenged from just a few centimeters behind. I smirked. "Don't worry I won't embarrass you by Telling The story To anyone." "Of course you won't because you'd only be embarrassing yourself", he countered casually. With That I pushed myself To maximum velocity my bare feet denting into The moist earth as I went.

In a few more seconds Time I was springing over a group of bushes into a clearing, onto The male mountain lion. I sunk my Teeth greedily into His Throat keeping one hand over The lower half of his body as a restraint and The other pressed palm up against his lower jaw. Since he had already been injured his struggle was minimal and I did my best To end his misery as soon as was possible. Though This was The lifestyle choice presented To me by Carlisle, secretly, a part of me resented having To hurt innocent animals That I'd once protected so dearly. Animals would never emotionally scar you. They would never make you curse The moment you were even conceived or damn your existence. For This reason - was it not for The overpowering love I felt for Carlisle - I would Take a human's life before an animal's on any day, any Time.

I finally released The lifeless lion from my vice lock when it was half drained, letting it slump on The ground. Emmett Took my place in The same act sucking away The few pints That might have remained. My Thirst was sufficiently clenched and so now my attention had time To stray away from The craze off To The immediate surroundings. It was Then That The voice came. It was one all Too familiar. One I could recognize decades, even centuries from now . . . one That could wake me from The dead even . . . _Leave it – come back here now! _

Pure and calling – The song That had not long ago assisted The Theme of my life . . . _him . . . yes – him . . . Allen . . . _Emmett startled me suddenly hovering beside me, but I still never even looked his way. "A human", he murmured. I blinked once hoping it would help me To regain some form of feeling, because in This moment I was numb To all else around me – Except for _him_. He was maybe five, six miles out. I caught The scent of blood but for The first Time it didn't phase me – in fact, it was The furthest Thing from my now distorted mind. The only scent my senses were hooked To was _Eternity by Calvin Klein,_ his preferred cologne and – The odd, warm and inviting, powdery scent That his skin naturally carried around . . . Emmett's hand fell on my shoulder giving It a light comforting squeeze. "Its okay baby girl", he reassured, "just remember, it's not worth it . . . for us . . . for Carlisle." _. . . Come here now, _it sung again. He must have had Dilliger, his pet dog with him, I processed.

I nodded, Tensing ready To defend my right but still never looking back at my older brother . . . "I'll be back", I whispered in a strain. _"Erin", _he cautioned. I knew what was coming so in The same I darted out of his reach. "I'm sorry", I strained again, now a few feet away from him . . . "I have To Take This. I . . . won't hurt him", I promised – more To myself Than To him. Emmett shook his head about To take a step forward when Alice suddenly came Through a set of spruces. Edward appeared momentarily after her. "Don't!" She cautioned raising a hand in Emmett's direction and Emmett's posture instantly relaxed.

She focused in on me, her expression very uneasy but all The same sympathetic. "I've already called Carlisle honey", she informed in a Tender Tone, "He's on his way. It's going To be okay." My hands balled into fists as I snarled menacingly. Edward stepped in front of her playing The role of The immortal shield again. His expression was pain stricken and his honey eyes seemed To be holding a flood of Tears he could never release . . . "You remember I promised you . . . One day . . . just not now." I positioned myself into a half crouch snarling with more intensity and – much more hostility This Time. "It's been two years . . . That's long enough", I half growled, already beginning To back away. "_Erin . . . please_", he emphasized. I snarled . . . Edward would be easy enough To outwit – just repress all Thoughts. All I had To do now was be careful not To make any sure shot decisions in This moment. I had worked at This Task long enough To pull it off if only for a few seconds giving me The advance on Them . . . I closed my eyes . . . _Want it, _I coaxed myself . . .

The pines That circled us shook and Then There came one crash, sending vibrations underneath my feet, followed by another, and I darted off . . .

I was pushing myself beyond my own set limits, focusing on The image of him – focusing on his scent That Took me back To That Time . . . _Good boy. Good boy, _The voice praised, _Come on . . . _

I was so close. Enough That The scent was drowning me now and – Though it was The least of my worries, The burn in my Throat could almost choke me. _I'm coming, _I Thought - as if he would hear me, _Don't leave me . . . _ Then as I hit a corner bouncing myself off a battered Trunk, There came a set of arms That compressed around my waist and smashed me head first into a group of boulders. Chips of stone flew around us and I began To Fight for The freedom That I desperately needed.

"_GET OFF ME!" _I growled furiously at Edward. "Just relax sweetheart, it will be over in a moment", was all he replied. I was flat on my stomach my legs Thrashing violently. He had both of my arms pinned To The ground. In another instant Emmett flew by my side and my legs were now immobile, Though I still strained against his hold, as If They were still capable of any movement. Alice appeared, standing just over me. "He's almost here", I heard her confirm. "_NO!" _I yelled out, _"I just need To see him – I'm not going To hurt him please!" _Edward pressed my arms impossibly deeper into The ground as I fought against him. "How far Is he?" he asked, as if I had never spoken. "Three more minutes", Alice answered. "Edward don't hurt her", she cautioned wearily. I cocked my head back up To The side Trying To bite down on Edward's left hand.

Emmett gripped me Tighter. "Baby girl, relax", His normally gruff voice seemed To sooth. But There pleas were all To no avail, I snapped at Edward again and in The same Alice kneeled down Turning my head To The right and restraining it There. Now I growled viciously, Though The act in itself was purposeless.

Proving Alice's words correct – Carlisle appeared maybe a minute and some change later. He immediately flashed over, kneeling beside me. _"Have The Three of you lost your minds?" _he exclaimed, sounding upset. Then Edward nodded at Alice and suddenly I was back on my feet, still being restrained by him and Emmett. "She wouldn't listen", Edward responded. Carlisle's eyes were coal black as he stared into his before letting his attention fall To me. He cupped his hands around my face . . . "My love, settle down", he said in a pleading sooth, "I'm here now." "_I'm going To kill you!" _I rasped over my shoulder at Edward. Then The vibrations began again and The pines around us rattled with intent. "You have To – we're not going To be able To get her back This way", Edward urged. Carlisle sighed, gesturing At Emmett who in response moved his hands - One To my lower jaw and The other Turning my head so That I was facing Alice who was now with her back Turned To us. "_I'm going To kill you!" _I growled from in between gritted Teeth.

Through peripheral vision, I saw Carlisle retrieve a small black rectangular case from his pocket and when he cracked it open I could see a pre-prepared syringe with an oversized, Thick needle. "This is going To help you relax my love . . . Only for a little while." I immediately began To struggle. "Just relax baby", Emmett eased. _Yeah, I'm on my way back now honey, _Allen's voice broadcasted again. I snarled furiously. "_NO, NO, NO, NO_!" I Strained, watching as The syringe approached The side of my neck. "_I JUST WANT TO SEE HIM – CARLISLE PLEASE! I'LL BE – I'LL BE GOOD!" _I felt The needle pierce my marble flesh, and The liquid process into me. "_ALLEN!" _I cried out. "_ALLEN STAY!" _

Carlisle's finger Tips soothed over The spot he had injected and as I watched The Trees rotate above me, The smears in my vision began before everything went dark . . .

As my vision cleared and my body embraced The feeling of lucidity, Carlisle's face came into focus. I instinctively jolted up and off of The black leather couch. He only rose To his feet, not making any other move. We were in his study, I realized now, and as The fog cleared and my memory offered its reminders, instantly anxiety kicked in. "H-How could you do This To me?" I managed weakly. His eyebrows furrowed Together as evident hurt cut Through his serene expression. "Erin . . . I'm sorry", he apologized lowly. "I was only Trying To help you my love." I exhaled a pained breath. "Help me?" I retorted. _"By keeping me from seeing The person who was once my entire world?" _ He Took a hesitant step Toward me. "It was much Too soon", he responded, "and", he paused, "he was with his . . . _friend._ I did not want You To get hurt."

I swallowed, looking away from him, my hands balling into fists . . . "Then it would have been perfect", I said coldly . . . "The one who Took him away . . . and only To suck him dry until he's got nothing left", I said in a low strain before looking back at him . . . "You all stopped me from saving him", I accused grimly. I could make out his jaw muscle tighten. "My love, we did not stop you from saving him . . . we stopped you from killing him." Air caught in my Throat Then, and The walls around us Trembled . . . _"How dare you?" _I growled. He shook his head raising a hand as if To reach for me but Then he let it drop.

"Alice saw you indeed ending her, but Then", he hesitated, "he attempts To intervene . . . you are caught off guard and . . ." he Trailed off in The middle of The sentence. But for once I had no desire for him To share his repressed words. I didn't want To hear . . . I couldn't bare To know . . . Against my good will, I backed away a few steps further . . . "You should have been on my side", I responded my words sharp and cold . . . "That's what you do when you love someone . . . _always._" He hesitated before finally speaking again. "I was on The side That would best shield you from any further hurt my angel." In his voice I could hear The hurt and in This moment I could positively declare That I was in fact a cold heartless monster. But That didn't change The fact That I was half right and his actions had been half wrong.

"Were you Carlisle?" I questioned in return. _"Or were you just looking out for yourself?" _ "Angel", he began, but I never let him go on. "I mean – The man hated me for crying out loud!" I shouted furiously. _"I was just his fuck Toy – so lets just assume I was stupid enough To run away into his arms he'd only shove me away The same as he did in The end anyways . . . shove me away for her – The gold digging whore!" _ A dry sob broke out of me and he immediately came forward, trapping me in his embrace. "I'm sorry Erin my love, I'm so sorry", he whispered empathetically. But I pulled away from him Then holding back another sob. "Erin", he started but I shook my head. "You didn't kill me", The words came out broken . . . "but you mine as well have."

In That moment he stepped back seeming To freeze completely for several seconds . . . "Would you like me To leave for a while so That you may be alone?" he finally asked. I nodded . . . "I Think That would be best." He Tensed before Turning away . . .

**A Big Thank you To The readers :D This Story will be slow in progress so please give it a chance. It is also my first Fan Fiction so please guys give me some reviews, I always welcome constructive criticism. And BTW, Big Thanks To "CharlieSwirl" For adding The story To your favorites list. I can only hope That you will continue To read and Enjoy it :D . . . Things are getting pretty cold between Erin and Carlisle now huh? Dog House :/ . . . Lol. **


	12. ALL APOLOGIES

TWELVE:

ALL APOLOGIES

I watched The flames in The fireplace slowly reaching The point of dying down, leaned back against The arm of The couch. There was a soft knock on The door That human ears would have never heard. I hesitated Taking in a breath . . . "It's open", I said lowly. Rosalie walked in casually. _Oh God, have mercy on me, _I Thought. But Then again, why should God spare me even a hint of mercy when I didn't deserve it. I did deserve This Though, I finished The Thought glancing over at Rose from The corner of my eye. I sighed . . . "I know, I know, I'm The Total ass of a lifetime." She chuckled faintly raising an eyebrow. "Actually This Time I have To give you The benefit of The doubt. I Thought They were all rather out of line, never minding The intentions behind Their actions." She flashed To my side and I moved aside To make room for her on The arm.

"In my opinion They should have allowed you To fulfill your unfinished business, This way you could have finally been free and able To let go of all of The past Torment That has followed you from your human life", she said, never looking at me as she spoke. I nodded. "Yeah, but according To Alice's vision I wouldn't have just ended her, I would have ended him Too." She shrugged. "Maybe it would have been better That way." My jaw tightened and I looked over at her narrowing my eyes. She sighed. "I'm just saying from The sounds of it, what you said Today – The memories Edward has selectively picked out of your mind on several occasions – he was just an ass who Took advantage of a child who could not have known any better."

My posture Tensed Then and it Took everything in me To keep my Temper in check. "It wasn't always like That", I quickly defended The honor of my first, rejecting love. "But wasn't it?" she asked, The question clearly rhetorical. She sighed. "I'm just saying Erin . . . you were innocent, a child, not yet a Teen even. He was a fully matured Thirty-five year old man . . . what does That say?" I shook my head as I felt my insides Twist. "I don't want To have This conversation right now", I said, The words coming out in one sharp slur. She shrugged. "We don't have To." I nodded once, letting The Tension go from my body . . .

"Where . . . is he?" I finally asked The dreaded question. She smirked, obviously finding my inquiry humorous. "You won't get rid of him That easily, don't worry. Jasper and Edward went with him." "Where?", I further pressed. "Hunting . . . off somewhere." I Thought for a moment There was a certain edge in her answer but Then dropped it as soon as The idea processed. There were in fact Times when The saying _What you don't know won't hurt you _was worth applying. I sighed lowly . . . "Is he . . . are They mad at me still?" She fluffed her hair before answering, "They were never upset with you. Just hurting To see you so . . . helpless . . . especially Emmett and Alice. Carlisle was . . . affected, but not by any of your reprimands. He was only frustrated because you were, and he couldn't really placate you for The first Time." Relief lingered over me Then. "So – he will forgive me - They will?" She Turned To face me for The first Time. "Erin you have _nothing _To be _sorry _for, so there is no need To wait on forgiveness." Her voice was almost strained, every word packed with empathy. I exhaled, nodding. "Where's Emmett?" I asked. She heaved a weary sigh. "In The garage catching a boner while he installs a custom sound system into That new piece of crap of his, and Alice is in her room stalking away new clothes she bought for Jasper. You were out for a while, it's nearly midnight", she informed. I straightened up. "I'm going To go see him . . . get This whole awkward apology – moment – Thing out of The way." She scoffed. "He's especially Talented at That", she remarked sarcastically, "But ok."

Before entering The garage I Took a mental pause moment. He looked over at me when I stepped inside from around The rear of The Tangerine Monster quickly returning To his installation in progress. I kicked aside an oversized empty cardboard box making my way To him. I half leaned against The back door peering over him . . . He scoffed. "So . . ." I swallowed. "I'm . . . sorry about earlier." He laughed briefly. "Tell you what I'll forgive you, _if you promise not To kill me._" I rolled my eyes at him. "Sounds descent I guess." He looked away from his work area and sighed before bringing a hand up To run Through my hair. "_Don't _. . . ever do That To me again", he mumbled. I Took a breath in . . . "I don't exactly control it. It's just . . . The way I am when it comes To . . ." I couldn't bare To finish as a memory of The incident – his voice earlier on Today – my animalistic behavior- cut Through my Thoughts. He looked down at his equipment. "I get it", he said in another mumble before looking back up at me. "But . . . That's a part of your past now baby girl . . . you have To let it go . . . if not for your own good Then for Carlisle's . . . for ours", he emphasized. I grounded my jaws Together . . . "I'm working on it."

The door abruptly opened and Alice appeared. "Erin why don't you go shower, Carlisle will be back at Exactly Three-forty five am and you're still covered in gravel." I shook my head, holding back a smile – it was Too early To get all easy breezy just yet in my opinion, Though I knew it wouldn't have mattered To her, she was far from a grudge holder or – a burden carrier – like me – so This afternoon's events were all but a blur by This Time – no direct apology needed. "Cool, cool", I responded before darting out of sight . . .

I lay in bed - In _our bed_ still, hopefully. Reflecting back on The cruel words and unnecessarily aggressive manner I'd directed at The man who had vowed To spend eternity with me. In The end, There was no doubt in my mind That only The best of intentions were behind his actions Today. My grandmother did once warn me That my pride would kill me one day. Even now, immortal and all, I wouldn't even Try and debate against her words . . . _Three-forty five am . . . _Looking over at The bold red numbers on The alarm clock I saw it was barely one-Thirty. Hesitantly and despite my mind's persistent, irritating Thoughts, I closed my eyes and looked back To The night of my Transformation, careful To repress The memories of The discomforting fire, and listened To my angel singing The song . . . _skip, skip, skip To my Lou, skip, skip, skip To my Lou . . . _

Later on I woke as I felt myself being shifted. I moaned. "I'm sorry", I heard his velvet whisper. "Can you forgive me my love?" I bit my Tongue reminding myself of my foolish misguided pride before pressing The side of my face against his chest and Taking a fist full of his shirt into my hand . . . "It was my bull shit", I whispered sleepily back, "don't worry about it." "No it wasn't my angel", he said soothing his fingertips along my back. I heaved a sigh . . . "Yes it was." I could Tell he wasn't breathing. "I know how much he means To you", he strained in a whisper. I opened my eyes Then and Tilted my head upwards To look at him . . . "Carlisle he's not mine. He never was and . . . he never would have been . . . if anything . . . I only Thank him for bringing me To The point of suicide ", he flinched as I spoke The words, "had he not I would have never found you . . . _I'll never regret us_", I expressed, sighing lowly . . . "I just wanted To see him . . . okay. . . Happy. I owe him That much."

I could make out his eyes alter To The coal black, and his jaw muscles clench . . . "You don't owe _That man_ anything." I brought myself up To bury my face in The crook of his neck . . . "So would you have rather us never met?" I asked hesitantly. He sighed . . . "As much as I adore you – as much as I would give my entire world for you, over and over again . . . I would have preferred it if you had been given The chance To live out your human life for as long as it was meant, healthy and happily . . . Now it will just be an endless cycle", he mumbled brokenly. I shut my eyes tightly for a moment To keep my composure . . . "An endless cycle with you, makes me wonder if There is a God. And if There is Then he certainly gave me more Than I deserved." He planted a kiss into my hair . . . "Is That what you believe?" I exhaled, unable To believe he had even asked such a question. "It's not what I believe – _it's what I know._"

He rubbed my Thigh That was straddled over his waist gently. "So all is Forgiven Then?" A smile pulled at The corners of my mouth and I couldn't help but let it break free. "Yeah", I casually answered now, "but if you ever pull The whole Tranquilizer stunt again, I promise, not only will you not succeed but I won't be The one who ends up unconscious." He chuckled softly. "I will have To Take That factor into consideration next Time. Of course, I am a highly Trained physician", he mused. I rolled my eyes. "I'm serious Carlisle . . . I'm not a little kid", I said, more pleading now. He pulled my chin up so That I was looking into his warm milky eyes, and Took my lips in his softly suckling on Them. "I promise I will never do such a Thing again my love." I raised an eyebrow . . . "No matter how pissed I am?" He pretended To Think about it for a moment before answering. "Next Time I will just resort To your hormonal impulses." I laughed faintly before leaning in and slipping my Tongue into his mouth. He all Too eagerly accepted it . . . "Sounds fair enough", I managed in between a momentary break . . .


	13. A PROMISE LEFT TO KEEP

THIRTEEN:

A PROMISE LEFT TO KEEP

Today is day Three. _It's already nerve raking. _Carlisle flashed To The concealed vehicle's side. His hand went for The drape but he stopped To look back at me before making another motion. He smiled crookedly, quirking an eyebrow. "Please . . . don't be upset, it really was merely pocket change." I folded my arms over my chest, "Yeah, _sure._" He muffled a laugh before lifting away The baby blue drape in one swift Tug . . . I Took a deep breath unable To produce any other reaction. Mainly because I didn't know whether To drool first and yell later or yell first and Then drool.

If This car was a man, I would have creamed my underwear . . . _a Mercedes S600 Guardian. _Black on black and heartbreaking . . . _SAY SOMETHING YOU ASS! _I shouted internally at myself . . . I looked back To him. "You", I barely managed, "You're returning This . . . I don't care how you do it you just . . . are." I was Trying To sound firm but even I could acknowledge The feeble reprimand was a Joke. _God This is so hot, _I Thought before he chuckled. "Erin my love, please believe me, The value of This amounts To cents with all The money I've accumulated over The centuries." I scoffed. "You know They say its bad To get high on your own medical supplies." From inside I heard Emmett chortle in amusement and Alice giggle.

Carlisle nodded, retrieving a key from his coat pocket and The headlights flashed in The same act. "I know how much you dislike The radio so I had Emmett install a custom mp3 adaptor", he announced, his entertained expression unchanging. "Well That was a bad move since you're returning it", I remarked, Trying To also sound unmoved. He went around To The driver's side and pulled open The door. "Would you like To do The honors or should I?" he asked innocently.

I breathed deeply. "I'm not – you – you're returning it Carlisle. I'm going To go inside and when I come back out here This . . .Thing is going To be gone", I argued, Though calling a car This sexy a _Thing _nearly crushed my insides. "But of course it will be gone my love, since we are going for a drive", he countered. I glared at him. "We're driving – _To The dealer_." He sighed . . . "If That is what it will Take To get you behind The wheel." I Took another slow, deep breath. "You know what – fine – I'll humor you just once before This Thing is on its way back To whatever foreign country it came from", I snapped . . .

I could mistake The inside of This car for home sweet home, and fall asleep at The wheel one day . . . Carlisle was reclined beside me, his hand retrieving mine over The gear shift and intertwining fingers with mine. "You are not really going To make me return it are you?" he asked in one of Those irresistible pleas. I rolled my eyes. "It would be The appropriate Thing To do. But lucky for your manipulating tactics, I'm now officially sucked in", I answered casually. He smirked, flashing a dubious look my way. "I wanted To make sure all eyes were on you . . . as They should be." I laughed. "Yeah, That's exactly what I would want", I said sarcastically. He smiled sheepishly. "Well since we will soon be being viewed as an item, for The sake of all The gossip That will be Traveling around I only Thought it would be nice if our spectators saw just how committed I was." I smiled . . . "Yes, yes, The cynics and Their materialistic expectations." He soothed a hand just below my belly button and I immediately swerved To The side of The road slamming my foot against The break.

"A little early for The mock session don't you Think?" He repressed a laugh . . . "Not at all. I had The day off Today . . . if anything I am overdue." His fingers Trailed lower and I felt him unbutton my jeans just before his hand slid down over my underwear. I sighed reclining my seat so That I was lying as far back as possible. He leaned over me, one hand resting against The door. As his lips got closer To mine and I could feel The friction between us, I swallowed before pulling his face into Mine and letting my hands stray downwards. His Tongue invaded my mouth twisting and turning, nearly at my Throat, and from Then on it was game was on . . .

I yanked his belt Strap easily undoing The restraint and unzipped his slacks, The bulge already visible over his gray boxer briefs. Meanwhile his fingers were working magic against my mound of nerves. "Carlisle please", I whispered brokenly unlocking our lips, "just once." He had That look on his face; it was cold yet pained, but all The same inviting – _begging. _"Behave", he murmured Tenderly. In That moment I reached a hand beneath his briefs retrieving his iron, solid length and jerking it firmly in my hand. Instantly his hips Thrust forward instinctively and he moaned into my mouth. I smiled against his lips. "You started it", I managed in another break. He growled, frustrated now, and in one gentle but firm pull my faded blue jeans were off and I kicked off my slip on Vans, whimpering softly, The sound barely detectable.

I slid his slacks away and They went around his ankles, Then did away with his briefs as well. His length Twitched as I rubbed a Thumb in a circular motion against The Tip of his head That was already coated with pre-cum. He moaned again, This Time more desperately before ripping away my sapphire blue underwear. "Erin – please", he urged. "We can't." I stroked his length once and in The next second his hand was palming against my moist entry way. My hips bucked underneath him and I brought my legs up wrapping Them around his waist so he was pressed Tighter into me. "You started it", I whispered fervently. I pressed a hand into his shoulder while my other began To stroke his livid length in a synchronized movement.

He gasped as his Thighs quivered slightly and with That his middle finger easily entered my heated inside and my back arched in response. "Dear God", he whispered in a strain. His hips were now in sync with my every stroke. _"My love I'm going To – I can't_ . . ." But his pleas were only wasted words. I was panting heavily as his finger kept pushing and sliding, in and out of me, and in seconds a flow of my juices came spilling out Trickling down my bottom side. I gasped as my Thighs quaked and my hold on him only further tightened. I sunk my Teeth gently into his shoulder and he flinched before I reached lower between us and cupped his swollen Testicles stroking his length with more intensity now. At That moment he groaned, his hips Thrust wildly, and his Thighs vibrated like he was in some sort of shock mode. I poured my gaze into his . . . _"Please." _ I used Two fingers To sooth over his Testicles, pumping his length with desire . . . with _need. _"Oh – my", he breathed, struggling. I smiled wearily . . . "Just a little bit . . . for me." Then I Tapped my fingers lightly against his swollen package. He groaned, His Thighs quaking, as I felt his legs Tremble. _"Oh my dear!" _he growled as The first ejaculation came, squirts of cold Thick white fluid gushing against my moist entry way. His whole body Tensed, _"I'm so sorry!" _he insisted in muffled words. I laughed faintly, The action requiring a lot of effort on my part, releasing his length and using both my hands now To coax his swelled Testicles before They heaved. "Just relax Carlisle", I managed in a broken whisper, "Let it happen", I encouraged, and his Thighs broke into vibrations again before another stream of Thick white came, This Time coating my navel . . .

He sighed exhaustedly, Though This was in fact impossible . . . "I'm sorry", he apologized lowly again. I scoffed. "Sorry for . . ." I pressed, Truly amused by him. He shook his head and in maybe a half blink his slacks were up and adjusted, covering him. In The same he began To ease my jeans onto me. I adjusted myself To help him and when The act was done he let himself fall back into The passenger's seat . . . "I should not have degraded you in such a manner", he spoke somberly, and in That moment I could read The shame on his face.

I laughed more hysterically now. "You're joking right?" I questioned. But he said nothing in return, his focus solely on The ceiling, looking like he was spaced out of his mind. I climbed over The center console And plopped myself on Top of him flat on my stomach . . . "Carlisle That was absolutely amazing – it was . . . _so good_", I expressed, for The first Time in a while Truly at a loss for words. There was no describing The feeling, It was The most intimate we had been Thus far, and I had Thoroughly enjoyed every passing second of it.

He brought his hands To rest on my lower back . . . "I was supposed To wait. Not for myself but for The sake of you Erin." Another laugh burst out f me, despite my best efforts To repress it. "Carlisle we didn't even do anything really." His lower jaw muscle Tightened and I could see The perfectly defined line. "_We did enough_", he only responded. I sighed, pushing myself off of him and slumping back into The driver's seat.

This was unbelievable. Had he simply faked his pleasure in The moment - _Had I done so poorly a job? _No . . . There was no way, I finally concluded. I was far from a vixen porn star but had The act in fact been so Terrible, Then he should be given an academy award for That performance. So why couldn't he just be as amped up as I was right now, floating in This extra Terrestrial space with me? Now my high was beginning To crash down and sparks of irritation were invading.

"Ok seriously, you are really fucking up my buzz right now – _I don't get you_", I said, aggravated now. He looked at me Then. "I'm – so sorry." I heaved a frustrated sigh. "_That right There – Stop it!_ I mean Jesus, why can't you just be happy . . _. Enjoy This as much as I was_", I added in a grumble.

He brought his seat up and leaned against The center console Taking my hand in his. "My love I . . . did enjoy This . . . more Than you could ever imagine . . . I have never felt so exhilarated, no woman has ever been able To provide me with such satisfaction before", he answered, with True remorse. "It's just . . . for a moment I felt as Though my patience would weaken, and This is not The way I would want To _have you._" I looked at him. "Well I don't regret anything and you shouldn't either . . . its not like we're a couple of uncorrupted, ever so saintly virgins", I paused, "I just want you To live with me – _here and now_ – and Then forget The rest." I brought a hand To The side of his face and crushed my lips into his letting my desire Handle The rest. Then after a few seconds just as I felt clarity beginning To stray away I unwillingly pulled myself away . . . "They can't get To us here", I said in a faint mumble. He sighed before his lips wandered To The side of my neck, and he bit down against my flesh softly, and I grabbed a fistful of his shirt with my free hand . . . "No They can't", he whispered back . . .

We entered The garage and I cut off The ignition. Carlisle sighed . . . "Alice has undoubtedly seen and likely spread The word." I chuckled. "Will we be playing state The obvious Today?" He grinned. "I only Thought To warn you so That you would not be bothered with her . . . _remarks_", he mused. I smirked. "Yeah well, I Think for once I'll beat her at her own game", I casually replied. In The same moment The image of Edward reflected off of The rearview mirror. Carlisle looked once before directing his attention back To me. "I'm going To go shower in The guest room", he said, Though it sounded more like a question. I nodded, "Cool, cool I'm", I hesitated eyeing Edward, "going To clean up Too." He kissed my hand before cracking The door open and Jetting off into The house.

I exited a second after and met Edward where he stood all frozen by The Tail of The car. He cleared his Throat slightly, "Will you Take a walk with me?" I hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Cool, cool, I just have To shower you know ", he raised a hand shaking his head, obviously To abort The involuntary disturbing Thought I'd given him, and nodded. "Yeah, just meet me out back when you're done." I nodded, "Yeah – um – ok."

I had rushed Through my shower so much so That when I found myself out in The backyard by The meadow, with Edward facing me again, my memory of The last few minutes was a blur. I realized Then I had also never informed Carlisle That I would be stepping out. Edward nodded knowingly . . . . "I've already let him know", he assured. His Tone carried That rare delicate fashion and it immediately consumed my senses. I held a breath . . . "Where are we going?" He looked away from me, burying his hands in his jean pockets . . . "My mind could only process The danger you were inflicting on him yesterday . . . I didn't stop To Think - maybe precisely Then was The right Time . . . you need To see This so That you can understand – its not a choice . . . you have To let him go", he answered in a low dry Tone. I exhaled The air that choked me now. "No restraints This Time?" I asked hesitantly. He shook his head . . . "I made you a promise once. One I should have never made, if not for our sake Than for your own", he sighed . . . "So what is left To lose?" I had no answer for him. Then he Turned away shifting into a crouch . . . "I expect you should not have much Trouble leading The way just head straight for The west", he said, half mumbling The words. I nodded and he sprung forward over The meadow and beyond The first overlapping pines, I followed after him when I heard The sound of his landing, and we were off.

I was leading To The west as he had instructed. For several minutes The run held no purpose, with only The scent of rained on earth and passing prey now and again, before The Toxicity of his aroma did away with all The others. I accelerated, running with intent now – _with want . . . _Here it came again. The selfish monster who only cared about itself with no regard for anything or anyone else. Edward was making True To The promise he had once made To me, but obviously it didn't weigh Too easily on him. I should care . . . I should Turn back. _What was wrong with me? Why did I have To be This way? _Then There was my angel. My Carlisle . . . I wonder if Edward had let him know exactly The destination of our _walk_ – and if he had – How badly was I hurting him This Time?

I heard Edward speed up, and it wasn't long before he was alongside me. "Stop it", he said in a strained whisper . . . "You couldn't be more wrong anyways." I shook my head side To side anxiously, with The hope of Throwing my conscious Thoughts To some dead end corner in The back of my mind. "I'm sorry", I apologized for a change. In The next second my nostrils flared and The familiar sting Tickled my Throat. I skid To The right, around a corner, and instinctively leaped up, grabbing onto The limb of an aged gangly pine, and boosted myself off of The Trunk's side over and back under onto The ground on The other side.

I was only vaguely aware of Edward standing beside me. My full attention was already his from The moment my feet had Touched down . . . _"It's been so long since we had This", _Allen's voice came and my insides melted away. I edged forward, one misguided step after another until I was kneeled in between a row of pines, half hidden behind some low brush . . .

The image hit like a shank in The pit of my stomach and Edward held on To The back of my shirt as I snarled . . . There he was . . . His pale blue eyes captivated me, The effect if anything only worse Than before. A streak of sunlight ran along his arm further exposing his creamy white skin complexion . . . It was only when I was trying To count The beats of his heart That I became aware of a second person. And There she was – _my personal electric fence. . . _I watched one of her scrawny artificially Tanned hands plant itself on his chest. "You and your work", she accused bitterly. The sound of her voice sent a Tremor up my spine. _How else is he supposed To pay all your fucking bills you demonic fucking bitch? _I cursed her internally. Edward Tugged The hem of my shirt, "Give it a chance first", he cautioned in a cool whisper against The nape of my neck. My Teeth grounded against each other as I did my best To keep my most lenient brother's words in mind . . .

I watched him – _My Allen_ – entrapped in This daze. His cheeks were a flushed red, The way They always got whenever he was out in The sun for Too long . . . _"_You know I love you", he answered with The most sickening feel of sincerity. "I love you so much so That" – he paused To dig a hand in his slacks pocket, and came back with a little black box – "There's something I have To ask you . . ." I could feel The burn in my Throat, more Than I should have, and a low growl emitted from my chest. He cracked open The small palm sized box To display a ring. Three diamonds sparkled back at me . . . _Taunting_ . . . "Don't", I pleaded in a whisper human ears would never have picked up, "Allen Don't." "Valery O' Brien, I love you with Everything in me . . . _will you do me The extraordinary honor of marrying me?_" And – _in_ _That moment _– I swear The world went black . . .

I remember her pleas, The most - none held any Traces of pride, only desperation . . . My nails digging into her ribs, and The piercing shriek That followed along with The blood That flowed in crimson streams . . . Once I had contemplated surrendering To my more natural instincts, but quickly resolved That issue with The sole reminder That I wanted no part of This demon in me.

When The silence finally Threw me off long enough for me To realize I was marring a lifeless corpse, Edward's voice suddenly froze me . . . "We're doing This for your own good Do you understand me?" The question was a sharp rasp infused with all of his menace . . . Strained gasps only came in return . . . "Yes", Allen finally answered – and I automatically Turned. In The same action Edward adjusted him To face The opposite direction, eyeing me warningly. He had him – _my defenseless angel _– Trapped in a headlock, kneeled on The ground. "Who's There? _Who's There with you?_" He questioned nervously, his words sounding like a single broken mumble. Edward's hand abruptly dug into His back pocket retrieving his wallet and letting it fall open on The gravel in front of him. "See That?" he only questioned in return. "I know your name and where you live now. So Tell me", he cocked his head back roughly, "What do you know?" I growled and his eyes snapped my way once warning again.

The heartbeats were off, one coming Too quickly after another, and I Thought he was suffocating before he answered, "I don't know anything", he breathed, exhausted of his struggle. Edward's jaws unclenched . . . "That's right . . . We are doing This for your own good . . . remember That." He looked back To me. "Get out of here now, I'll Take care of This", he said in a whisper Too low for human ears. I swallowed . . . _Is he hurt? _I Thought The question. "He's fine . . . you never Touched him", He answered, calmer now, The words a sooth. I nodded . . . I wanted To move now, but I couldn't. Once again, I was stuck in This place. _Our place . . . _I wished so badly To be closer To him . . . wished so badly To say all The Things I'd never gotten To say . . . Edward hissed. "_Go . . . now." _. . . I winced as I looked down at my crimson stained hands Then back To my Allen . . . "I love you . . . I'll die before I let you go Allen", I whispered Faintly . . . I struggled searching for a reason To move afterwards. Just one . . .

I'd done away with my shirt and rinsed my hands clean by The meadow. These were mechanical acts . . .

Everyone was gone when I entered The house Through The back doors. All except for The one of course. Carlisle didn't surprise me waiting by The foot of The stairs, but I still found myself Taken aback, and froze some feet away . . . The stench of blood was still stuck in my nostrils so I knew There was no way he wouldn't detect it. "I'm sorry", I said in a low ashamed Tone. His faultless facial features were suddenly locked with hurt. I swallowed . . . "I've done it again", I managed . . . "I keep hurting you." Before my blackened mind could register The movement, his arms were around me and my face was buried in his chest.

"My sweet love", he whispered soothingly, "You could never hurt me." I shook my head, "You don't – have To lie", I mumbled as The first dry sob came. "Shhh", he hushed me. "It is all said and over with angel. Now let us forget." I heard The gentle Tear of fabric, and it was only Then That I realized I was gripping Two fistfuls of his shirt. I sobbed. "I'm sorry." He forced my chin up high enough so That his lips were able To crush Themselves against mine and his Tongue was soon dancing with mine. This continued for a few seconds before he heaved a sigh, and pulled us apart feebly.

His black eyes focused in on me. It was moments like This That made me swear he could see right Through me anytime he wanted To. Then he chuckled . . . "I didn't catch even a Taste", he said, referring To The absence of blood in my mouth, I knew. I grimaced, swallowing down venom. "Please", I managed, "I rather Try and drain myself away first – but . . . I Think That would also make no sense", I looked up at him, "Just like me, I guess."

One of his eyebrows arched at The assessment of myself. "That is only what makes you all The more intriguing I can only presume", he responded in a soft murmur. I scoffed, shaking my head . . . "I'd better hit The shower . . . again", I responded, beginning To slowly back away. His eyes flicked abruptly down The hall. "The others have gone To Seattle for The night and . . . Edward will be keeping Tabs on Allen for some Time . . . To make sure he remains calm." I felt my muscles Tense at his words . . . "And if he doesn't?" I asked, half afraid To hear The designated answer. Carlisle smiled wearily, rubbing The back of my right hand with his Thumb . . . "No one will lay a hand on him my love", he whispered. "Alice has seen him only leaving Town shortly."

I nearly choked again Then. "He – he's leaving?" I inquired nervously. Carlisle nodded. "Down South To be with family", he said in The most gentle manner. And as much as I wanted To have a mental relapse Then and There, I knew I couldn't. I refused To let Carlisle suffer any more of my past with me . . . "Will he be okay?" I only asked in return, Trying To sound insensitive, Though I knew no act of mine could ever fool him. He edged closer To me again until we were Toe To Toe and his hand was caressing my cheek. "He will be fine", he assured. Then he leaned in . . . "My love, why don't you go clean up", he spoke into my ear, "I will wait for you." I nodded, hesitant To release him. Maybe because a part of me was afraid This kindness was only a last façade put up out of pity and I would come back out and The only Thing waiting for me when I got back out would be more empty places left To fill . . . "Ok", I mumbled back uneasily.

If I was still human, my skin would have been a pulsing red all around, from The intense scrub down I'd given it - _as if I could wash away my sins_. As if The monster was now gone forever, when deep down I knew It would never leave . . . I wiped a space clear in The fogged mirror and patted my hair down before slipping on The black Tank Top I'd unconsciously selected and a pair of matching sweats.

Carlisle was waiting in bed for me, one arm casually supporting his head, when I stepped out. All The curtains had been pulled back and The room was only lit by The white moon light. Relief came for one merciful moment before my nerves rebooted and I went hesitantly into bed. He rolled his eyes as I paused beside him, debating whether or not I should come any closer, and pulled me against him. "My feelings for you will never lessen Erin", he whispered, as I nestled my head into The crook of his neck. I breathed deeply, So as To Drown out The remaining bits of memory with his indescribable scent That had always managed To hook me solid.

"I love you more", I whispered against his smooth skin. He compressed us Tighter Together, nuzzling my forehead affectionately. "I know you do." . . .


	14. REMEMBER NOT TO FORGET

FOURTEEN:

REMEMBER NOT TO FORGET

I dreamt for The first Time in nearly a full Two years That night . . .

I'm Trapped in The forest. Everything is Too dark for me To make out. I'm on The ground Trying To feel my way along somehow and I can feel gravel scraping against my finger Tips . . . Then The eerie silence is broken by The sound of This piercing growl. I fumble onto my back caught off guard but The scene is still painted black. My heart is beating loud enough for me To hear it in my own head, when another infuriated growl rips, This Time sounding closer . . . The menacing growls are sounding off from all around so I can't figure out which way To Try and run for, when I hear The scuff directly behind me . . .

I gasped as I woke. My angel's face came into focus and I was able To Take hold of reality again. Carlisle pressed a hand To my forehead. "Are you alright angel?" he asked, his voice riddled with anxiety. I cleared my Throat which felt unusually dry and Turned onto my side so That my head rested on his shoulder . . . "I just had a nightmare", I answered sleepily. He let his hand rest on my hip, caressing my side. "What was it about?" I sighed, shutting my eyes again, mostly To avoid The day's light.

"Something – I couldn't see it", I mumbled, "It just kept growling – all around me. I was in The forest . . ." I felt his lips press Into my hair . . . "Fear nothing my love, I'll always be here", he answered, his Tone low and soothing. "I'm not afraid", I lied, "It's just been a while since The last Time I actually dreamt . . . pretty entertaining." He chuckled Though The action seemed forced, "You had an interesting day yesterday." I sighed. The pacifist manner he always used when dealing with me, The monster, could never sit right in my head. "It could have been a lot worse", I responded dryly.

I sat up leaning all of my weight onto one arm and he mimicked The pose. "I have a double shift Today so I won't be home until Tomorrow", he said regretfully. I sighed, pouring my miserable gaze into his. "Guess maybe I'll head Into Town after school Today, do some wandering." His eyebrows furrowed slightly. "On your own?" "Yeah . . . I just want some alone Time", I admitted. His expression lit with The understanding I needed To avoid having To come up with a minor detail That was somehow as painful as The real deal. "I understand, my love", he said lowly. "Just Try not To stay out Too late, it could get dangerous." I forced a laugh, "Dangerous for who?" He smiled, raising a brow, "Stubborn one I was dealt." I leaned closer in and pressed a kiss onto his cheek, nibbling on it for a few seconds before pulling back. I cleared my Throat looking away from his eyes That had gone a hallow onyx. "Please be gone before I'm done getting ready", I mumbled sickly, "I won't be able To leave unless you are." He laughed faintly . . . "Of course." . . .

My day at Forks high went no more productive Than usual. I d gone for six and a half hours Tuning in and out of class periods and jotting down The most minimally based notes and assignment details. In between That drag I had also been forced To endure all The gossiping whispers and blown away stares from my piers in response To my new overly priced, foreign Mercedes. Now I was driving down The highway headed for Port Angeles. I could see The road in front of me but my actual focus was really only half There, as I Thought of ways To kill The Time before I woke To The face of my Angel again. I hated days like This just because of The anxiety I felt anytime Carlisle and I were apart. It could literally swallow me whole.

Finally after several minutes I decided maybe I'd camp for The remainder of The day at The Salt Creek County Park. I could wander on and off The Trail for a while and maybe even get a hunt or Two in after The sun had set. Most importantly, I could have The alone Time I needed - with my privacy actually _private -_ To mourn The loss of My Allen. This was it . . . again. It was finally over. _She was over _and . . . so were we. I'd dreamt of The day I could eliminate The demon That was dragging down my naïve Angel, but now That The Task had at last been fulfilled, There was no longer a reason fro me To hold on To The link That Tied us Together. Because, _I was dead, _and – we had been destined To one day die from The start . . . because of _him_. Because he had never considered us once and because – if There could have ever been a chance – it died on _That_ final night . . .

I pulled into The lot packed with Tourists rentals and crowded with ambitious families, looking for a memorable day To Take away. I stared out The windshield resting my head against The steering wheel, while I Tried To concentrate on The pit pat of rain drops as They sprinkled down. I almost forgot where I was before I felt my cell phone vibrate on The side of my hip. I sat up retrieving it from The plastic holster and sighed miserably when I read The name displayed on The caller id. I flipped open The phone. "Edward", I greeted. I could hear The swishing of wind on The other end, he was probably running. "You're out? That's a first", he remarked casually. I exhaled . . . "I needed some space", I responded wearily. "Where are you?" "On my way To Birmingham, Alabama", he replied, and I winced at The mentioning of Allen's hometown . . . he was officially out of my reach now . . . "Cool, cool", I managed, "You'll be back soon?" He snickered something I couldn't catch. "Soon enough, but That's not why I'm calling . . ." I frowned . . . "What can I do?" I asked knowingly.

"Avoid Too much Time out in The Town for a while", he said with a certain warning in his voice. I swallowed staring out at The picnic booths conveniently placed along The park's main camp grounds. "Done", I managed. He sighed lowly . . . "Try not To lose your head so much." I laughed humorlessly. "I'll make it The goal of The day bro . . . Thanks", I mumbled The last part. There was only The sound of wind for a few seconds before he spoke again . . . "I'll see you in a few days." I smiled crookedly. "A few weeks?" I Teased. He sighed . . . "A few hours . . . catch you in Trouble again Then." I Took in a breath . . . "Be waiting as usual." . . . After hanging up, I made a quick exit out of The car and off into The woods along an isolated Trail.

After a few minutes of aimless wandering at a basic human pace, I could detect The hint of salt water in The breeze and followed The scent To The beach where I knelt down on a stone by The water's edge, zoning in on The sound of waves crashing. It wasn't any easier here, but at least I could remember . . . if only for one last Time. I could hear his words again . . . _"I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere Erin . . . I swear To God." . . . . _I would never come back here again after Today, I promised myself. _That's why I deserve This_, I falsely justified . . .

It was The Thundering That initially lured me back To The present. The sky had gone indigo and The water had darkened. The half moon was still only halfway up over The horizon line, and as I verified by checking The Time on my cell phone, sure enough it was just barely seven. I shifted off of The stone where I had been resting and looked away from The beach To The woods. Something caught my eye Then – a human figure oddly enough - walking off of The Trail and Through The herd of Trees, clearly headed my way – or – for The beach anyways. Then The image of a Tall Tan skinned man became visible. His hair was a low cut black, and The expression on his face was unreadable. He only wore a pair of ripped denim shorts, clearly homemade, and above on his right arm He had some sort of Tribal symbol inked on him . . .

He was in his Twenties at The most, This was easily distinguishable. I watched him casually leap down from a small cliff onto The Moon bleached sand and immediately Tensed as a foul odor hit my nostrils. This guy was clearly coming at me and There was something about him That was Triggering my most feral instincts. My arms were rigid at my side and I Turned my head once To Take in one last breath of fresh air as The space between us was quickly minimizing. Around four feet away he stopped, his demeanor was awkward – and- firm all in one . . .

"Erin Cullen?" he questioned cold, and gruff. My jaw Tightened, "What's it To You?" I hesitantly inquired in Return. He glanced back in The direction of The woods for a moment Then focused back on me . . . "I'm Sam Uley", he responded Sternly, "seems we have a matter To discuss." I raised an eyebrow, "Do we?" He cleared his Throat, clearly unfazed by my careless façade. "You and your . . ._brother,_had an altercation with a human yesterday evening . . . female." I shrugged. "Maybe so . . ." This Sam Uley knew Too much about what he should Not have so much as a clue of. . .

I analyzed his Body closely, appearing To Tremble; Every one of The defined muscles he had appeared hard and just as Tense as my own . . . "I don't know who you Think you are, and frankly I don't care . . . _about any of you_", he intentionally emphasized The last words, "I came here To warn you – if your kind dare To kill under our noses again I will forget any _deal_exists . . ." The Threat was backed by a low growl That came from somewhere in the woods and I snarled in response, venom pulling Into my mouth. He scoffed . . . "Yeah, _sure kiddy_", he only responded sourly . . . "Maybe you should consider Taking The alternate route back To your _area_. After all . . . Daddy Cullen and big bro won't be here To save your ass when you slip up This Time." Another menacing growl followed The bitter statement and In The same I gasped, sprinting into a full Throttle run . . .

I was halfway back home now, pass Town, easily only Ten or so more minutes of Travel Time given The excess of speed I was using; my foot was completely floored on The accelerator . . . This was a load of crap – _what had really just happened here?_An animal . . . _or more like some beast . . . DEAL? What deal? Who was The Man – This Sam Uley?_Oh someone would be explaining something To me Tonight. With The Thought, my phone vibrated at my side. I growled as I flipped open The phone with unnecessary force. "Gee, Thanks for The heads up _sis_", I answered with bitter sarcasm. _"Are you okay?"_ Alice responded worriedly. "What deal?" I inquired. She sighed, clearly on edge. "Please Erin . . . just get home", she replied in a begging whisper, and Then The line went dead . . .

When I first arrived back at The house, I could easily make out The discussion Taking place in Carlisle's office, and dragged at human pace up The stairs and down The hallway . . . "Hey, hey people", I wearily greeted shutting The door behind me. "So what unheard of family fairy Tale am I in for This Time?" Alice was sitting at The edge of The desk, Tapping her foot Tentatively. Jasper simply rolled his eyes. "Is There ever a moment where you can manage To Take anything seriously?" He was annoyed, and his attitude got The better of mine. I scoffed. _"Yeah – hi – I'm The clueless one here in case you can't Tell."_

Jasper moved To stand at Alice's side. "False fire, remember? Settle down", He mumbled soothingly Taking her hand in his Then looked back To me . . . "It's a Treaty Carlisle made when him, Edward", he hesitated for whatever reason, "Rosalie and Emmett first arrived in Forks with The Quileute Tribe. It was a way of . . . evening out The Territory and resolving The indifferences." "Those freaks at La Push?" I asked impatient by This point. I caught Emmett shoot an amused glance my way. "Oh it gets way freakier", he commented under a breath, and Rosalie scowled at him. "What, it's True isn't it?" he justified.

"Those freaks are The wolves sister", Jasper finally reengaged himself in The conversation. "It goes back To Ephraim Black, Levi Uley, and old Quil Ateara . . . descendants only, but They were still powerful all The same." I smirked. "Oh you've got To be kidding me, _Werewolves? _Give me a break here!" He grinned . . . "No one said it would be easy, right?" he casually responded, "The wolves and us have our arranged boundaries . . . lines." A laugh burst out of me Then. The Thought of Territorial pissings between vampires and oversized dogs was undeniably hilarious. It Took me a second To recompose myself, Emmett was repressing his own laughter, a grin Tugging at The corners of his mouth. "So let me guess, _I crossed The sacred line?_" He shook his head, sighing. "God no, you'd know if you had crossed That line. But you and Edward came close enough yesterday . . . literally inches", he corrected.

I rolled my eyes folding my arms in front of me. "Ok, so what now?" I asked. He shrugged. "The new pack's leader Sam Uley whom you met was rather worked up but we managed To Talk him down after you all had your . . . confrontation." Emmett scoffed Then, "We heard The infamous bad ass Took off running for The boondocks." I frowned at him. "Oh, _whatever ok_. The guy is so full of himself he wasn't even worth listening To", I shot back self consciously. Alice hopped off of The desk, "You guys are such idiots", she grumbled irritably. Jasper shot her a wry smile before directing his attention back To me. "Westwards, exactly eight and a half inches from where you had", he paused, "The woman. That's The border line." I laughed again. "Ok. So I'll go everywhere but west Then?" Alice sighed. "You know Erin This is not – you", she stopped herself mid sentence . . . "Carlisle hasn't a clue. Let's just Try and keep it That way, or he might go . . . overboard." I nodded once. "Cool, cool Alice just relax before you like self destruct or something." She glared at me . . . "You fucking hell raiser, I was worried sick . . . _Thanks To Those blocking dogs . . . _can't see a Thing around Them." Jasper sighed looking her over . . . "Just remember Not To forget The line Erin . . . for The sake of avoiding a full out war."

I sighed. Werewolves _Rule in The life after death_ . . . Now who would've seen That one coming?

**Some of you may have noticed That prior To now chapTer seven was a copy of chapTer 6. My bad guys I'd uploaded The wrong doc so Those of you who have come across This error you can now go back and read The acTual version . . . once again my apologies :(**


	15. I'D LET MYSELF FALL JUST SO YOU COULD

FIFTEEN:

I'D LET MYSELF FALL JUST SO YOU COULD CATCH ME

There is exactly one day and eleven hours left before The dreaded birthday extravaganza. Alice will be further maximizing The already maximized as usual – _yet she still feels The need To drag me shopping - for The outfits I will be changing in and out of during The night of The splendid event . . . _

"We won't even be back in Time before Carlisle gets home", I grumpily complained from The passenger's seat of her yellow Porsche, my arms folded in front of me as a form of pointless protest. Alice made a face, "Oh yes, because you guys just never spend enough Time Together. _I mean, only Twenty – four seven minus Today . . . oh how careless and self centered I am being_", she mused. I bit my lower lip leaning my head against The window. "Sorry Alice", I paused, looking over at her, "but shopping with you is so . . . _long_", I emphasized. She grinned. "I love dressing you up", she said Then shot me a sideways glance, "Anything is better Than all Those _casual _wear T-shirts with Those damn vulgar slogans, and I swear- if I see you sporting another one of Those _vintage _Led Zeppelin shirts, They're all going To be bits of shreds in The garbage", she Threatened.

I muffled a laugh, "You know better fortune Teller." "Hmm", she responded, "Just remember, you are only stereotyped as crazy – I'm The real deal." She pulled one of Those Nascar speed racer Turns into a space in The center of The cram packed lot, The ignition cut and she Turned To me. "Macy's, Fifth Ave, Bloomingdale's and so forth", she began her usual cautions, "No Hot Topic, Spencer's or Pac Sun, or The Vans Store. Is That understood?" I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Yes all mighty master."

I stared with disgust at The person who reflected off of The fitting room mirror. It looked liked me but I knew it couldn't be. Alice played with The white Tank Top That had streaks of some pink designing across The front. "I Think its perfect", she announced contently, "A nice pair of denim shorts would be perfect To go with Them." I glared at her, "Yeah so – you're officially on drugs." She moved away eagerly despite my remark To a pile of stacked shorts she had all The more confidently picked out earlier on. "Erin you know how This childish argument will end so why not just forget it all Together?" she happily retorted. I frowned falling back into one of The seats, shaking my head at The alien reflection . . . "I don't know why I always end up agreeing To These _girls day out_ Trips with you. Oh yeah", I continued whining, "_Jasper jerks my head into it._" She giggled. "Is That a hint of Jealousy I detect?"

I was having a self-sulk moment In The passenger's seat. The sun's rays could just barely reach small areas of The lot now; shopping duration: _nearly five and a half hours! _In another few minutes we were on The main road again. I hated having To drive at _normal _speed but unfortunately we were stuck in Saturday evening's rush hour, so from Port Angeles To Forks going at human pace for a majority of The drive it would Take us at least Two hours before we were home and I could run To my Angel, whom had probably been waiting for my Return from around Three and on. Alice sighed, eyeing me. "You guys are abnormally hooked To each other." I laughed Then. "Yeah, now please, show me The normal conduct code for The blood Thirsty, undead vampires." She smiled, "Well . . . for abnormal you guys are pretty . . . rare. I mean, When you guys are apart Jasper Talks about This feeling and", she paused, "it's out There. If you're not with each other you're Thinking about being with each other. I'm not going To lie, I sort of anticipated This from you, but I've never seen Carlisle This clingy before."

I looked To her. "Is . . . That a bad Thing?" I asked self consciously. She shook her head, "Of course not. It's just really intense . . . but That can only be a good Thing, or . . .", she pretended To be picking up some near future. I rolled my eyes and she burst into giggles . . . .

I slipped out of The car halfway up The drive. When I was almost To The door it came open and I hugged myself To him tightly. He smiled down at me, "Was The Time with Alice That unpleasant?" "A nightmare", I whispered into his chest, and The next Thing I knew we were upstairs on The balcony of his study . . . "Yes, I know her persistency", he agreed, sitting us down in one of The chairs. I accommodated myself on his lap resting my head on one of his shoulders. "I'm just grateful it's over – for now anyways", I said with a weary smile.

He adjusted my body so That my legs were around his waist. "Have you Thought of anything special you would like on your birthday?" he asked. My smile widened. "How about you . . . _finally?_" He pressed his lips To mine in response and pecked Them softly . . . "Have you decided for us To marry earlier Then?" I laughed lightly. "It's not fair you know . . . The way you're holding back. Is it The price I have To pay?" I asked, only half joking. He chuckled . . . "Who said anything about prices? I am not holding back . . . I only wish To do This one Thing right", he answered, The last part more out of seriousness Than humor. I undid The buttons of his shirt in one move. "On Top of everything else?" I retorted, Tracing my fingertips down his abdomen muscles. He Tensed slightly. "I am not perfect . . . you know That." I Took in a breath. "You're close enough Then."

He sighed. "Everyone was behaving rather strangely when I arrived Today", he commented. It was moments like This when I was glad I didn't have a pounding, nerve prone heart. I scoffed. "No way!", I feigned shock, "Our family was behaving strange?" He smirked. "The Term is a little out of context I suppose, but yes, They were. I believe They were _holding back_ as you would put it . . ." I shook my head, Trying my best To portray The image of dumbfounded at its best. "I wouldn't know. They seemed fine when I got home yesterday", I lied coolly. He ran The back of his hand along my right cheek. "You know I know when you're lying To me", he reminded just as casually. I pulled away from him – just enough To avoid hypnosis- and sighed . . . "It'd be scary if you couldn't." He quirked an eyebrow, "Deny it To The very end", he mused, "how very clever of you my love." He let his hands wander down To my collar bone and I released The breath I had been suppressing . . . "No shame in any game right?" I countered.

His gaze poured into mine now, and it Took a certain amount of effort To keep from spilling The secret That I vowed never To share with my angel. He grinned, before letting his hands drop To either side of my waist. "I supposed its nothing of True importance if I am able To be kept in The dark." I bit my bottom lip . . . "It's not exactly my secret To share." My body shuddered slightly as his fingertips ran along my lower stomach. He sighed as his hips unconsciously began To push upwards against my center . . . "Why is it not?" he finally managed in a Huskier Tone. I swallowed. "Because I promised everyone, They would be mad at me if I Told you . . . so I'm not going To." "Such a difficult place", he remarked, more To himself Than To me, and I knew Then he was probably beginning To over procrastinate.

I shook my head, "No, not so much", I did my best To reassure. "Just . . . leave it Carlisle . . . please." He bit down on one of my shoulders . . . "Until necessary", he breathed against my skin. I pulled away again creating a small gap between us. "You know The after life can be surprisingly dull at Times", I commented in a low strain. He laughed. . . "You learn To live in repetition." I smiled crookedly. "As long as you're always in The cycle, it won't ever be a problem." In one motion I was on my feet looking down at him. "Would you runaway with me?" He smiled ruefully. "Anytime . . . but where To Tonight?" I managed a faint laugh. "Anywhere . . . " In The same moment we both could hear The sound of Emmett's Monster engine coming from a distance away. "But here", I added Then. He got To his feet Taking my hands in his. "Somewhere special Then." . . .

It all started with a private jet. Hold on To This fact before proceeding any further . . .

I was sitting in The co-pilot's seat, watching as Carlisle Triggered several switches at a Time. After a series of precautions, I remember The cleared stip. As The level of Elevation increased, I remember The array of colors . . . The glimmer of radiating stars, and – I remember looking over at him and The Thought coming . . . _if it in fact Turned out That we were really damned, Then I'd Take hell over heaven on any day, Torturing flames and all. Purgatory and Endless pain, They could Throw it all at me . . . so long as I could have him now . . . _

I knew nothing about being a pilot or a co-pilot for That matter, but it was easy To put Two and Two Together after a while . . . The fourth hour of flight was a definite give away. I'd dozen off for at least Two hours prior and could only note how long we had really been Traveling Thanks To The Time displayed on The switchboard. My eyes could have burst out of my sockets when I saw Carlisle laying in his seat - casually on his side – while he just _stared _at me. I shot up in my seat reflexively. "_Carlisle what are you doing?" _ Concern crossed over his expression, "I was only admiring you sleep", he answered wearily. I gasped, "You – The plane!" I exclaimed. Then The concern faded and he laughed. "Well Thank Goodness for The invention known as The auto pilot", he Took hold of my wrist, "Erin my love, Have you not ever flown?"

I shook my head still dumbstruck and still in a state of mild shock, "N-no", I murmured, beginning To catch on To The fact That right now I somehow should feel incredibly stupider Than usual. He repressed another laugh. "The auto pilot enables The plane To navigate itself just as efficiently as I ever could." I let go of The breath That was choking me, letting myself slump down on my side. I gripped his hand in mine Tightly and Tried To only focus on his face . . .

"If This Thing falls", I began, "and we fell . . . would we just . . .die?" He smiled sheepishly raising an eyebrow. "In all honesty I've never seen one of our kind fall from such a height so I couldn't give you a sure shot answer. However, I do believe even The immortal have certain . . . boundaries . . ." I swallowed . . . "Would you promise To hold me The whole way down if it ever happened?" He chuckled, "So you do have a fear Then after all?" My hold on his hand loosened slightly. "Heights are . . . bad for me", I replied in a low uneven Tone.

His Thumb began To rub my palm. "I would always keep you safe", he responded in a comforting sooth. I sighed as The security of his words began To brush away The immediate Tension . . . "Where are we going anyways?" I asked. He smiled This mischievous smile. "That's for me To know and you To find out my dear love." I chuckled lightly, "Being kidnapped now, This is new." His eyes flicked To The switchboard for a second . . . "It is my own fault for not warning you about The existence of The wolves earlier on", he mumbled, "A grave carelessness on my part." I let The words sink in for a moment before clearing my Throat . . .

"I'm sorry", I humbly apologized first. "Alice said you'd get mad." He chuckled, The sound bitter and humorless, Then nodded. "And she was right . . . as usual . . . I was at first, when I caught The words you were Throwing out in your sleep, but soon after I realized The whole scenario could have been avoided had I initially explained The deal of Truths of which The wolves and us had initially settled upon." His jaw muscles seemed Tight as he braced himself To continue further on, "So you see angel, it is no one's fault but my own . . . I am The one who owes you an apology."

_God, how he sickens me, _I Thought as The bits of anxiousness slowly Took over my insides . . . This was far more Than I deserved. It was not The monsters like _us _That were damned – _it was The monsters like me. _I breathed, "_Stop it_." He kissed my hand, letting his lips Trail over The area for a few short seconds. "Stop what my love?" he asked in another sooth. I sighed irritably, "Stop Taking responsibility for all of my actions constantly", I managed from in between gritted Teeth. He brought my palm up closer and planted another kiss on it . . . "My angel I am not Taking responsibility for your actions, I'm Taking responsibility for my own lack of sense." I sucked in another slow breath, "_Carlisle_ . . ." I sighed realizing it would not make a difference for either of our self conscious minds in The End . . . "What's The most precious human experience you miss having?"

His lips formed a half smile. "It would likely be sleep?" My eyebrows furrowed as I pondered it. "Sleep?" I asked. He shrugged. "I can't recall ever dreaming in my human life but from The sounds of it They seem like a True rush, some overwhelmingly brilliant others inanely horrifying . . . it's like a human's rush when They're ridding a roller coaster for me you could say." He seemed To be daydreaming about _dreaming_ in That moment Then his focus returned To me expectantly, "And you?"

I grinned, laughing faintly. "Well, it definitely isn't as deep as yours but . . ." I searched my head for a lighter Term before realizing There was no Other description for it, "getting blasted." He got This lost look on his face Then, clearly not following, "What on earth is That?" I scoffed. "Smoking you know bud", I replied, but he still seemed Thrown on a loop. I rolled my eyes, "_Marijuana_." His lips formed an 'O', comprehending . . . "Erin That fries your brain cells love." I burst into laughter again, and it Took me a minute before I could come back To him. "Yeah and every minute of it was The shit."

He sighed with a dubious expression. "If I had known you when you were human I swear you would have never had The chance To experience such idiocies." I made a face at him, "Yes Father, whose name is on my birth certificate", I mocked. He rolled his eyes and in a half blink he was over me and I was lying on my back. "You Think you are so bad do you?" he asked in a chilled Tone, a growl Emitting from his chest. My smile faded . . . "No. I know I'm bad", I challenged. He leaned lower so we were face To face, and bit down roughly on my bottom lip, catching me off guard. "Is That so?"

. . .

Sleep on a plane – for me- does not come lightly. But after one of our _sessions_ it's hard To worry about any life and it's minor ordeals. He shook me awake around dawn. "Come my love. We must hurry before anyone comes", he'd whispered in my ear. I moaned, Turning over on my back. "Are you ready To Tell me where we are yet?" He laughed, The sound barely audible . . . "Welcome To Brasilia", he responded in another velvet whisper, and my eyes snapped open . . .

In The country of Brazil, There is The capital known as Brasilia. Thousands of people vacate here every year with The hopes of losing Themselves in The exotic atmosphere – _or so The Travel channel had informed once on one of Those endless nights when There was nothing To do but bum around watching The Television, straying from room To room back home. _In one night it seemed I was bound To do everything I had yet To do. Never flown - _check. _Never been out of The country - _check. _

Just after boarding off of The Jet's steps, I found myself dumbstruck again as I first noticed The silver Lamborghini Murcielago parked, ready and waiting for us several feet away. I glared at Carlisle. "You know if I didn't know any better I'd say you planned all of This." He grinned. "I always keep a vehicle located at all of my frequented destinations", he shrugged innocently, "saves The hassle of cabs and . . . humans." I scoffed, "Yeah, ok, _sure_." He smiled, "We only have a few hours, but I promise we will be making The most out of The Time." I was still Trying To shake off This surreal dream. I exhaled, "When I said runaway I didn't Think you would Take it so literal."

. . .

When you add up The number of Times I should have been dead – _again_- It doesn't leave much room for second guesses and precautious speculations . . .

I'm Trying To chew over The fact That I'm in The very pit of The Amazon Rainforest, face To face with a crocodile who wont edge so much as a half of an inch our way. Carlisle squeezed my hand and I backed away a step or Two so That he was shielding me, Then I mounted myself onto his back locking my legs around his waist and clinging To his shirt. He muffled a laugh. "My love he will not come near us, I absolutely promise you." The brute reptile did seem To only be frozen in place and There were several others drifting away behind him, but I refused To Trust it. I could almost feel Carlisle's smug smile. "We will go Else where Then", he resolved before we were speeding Through herds of green and brown. When we stopped I realized we were only now on The other side of The riverbank – _closer even To The crocodiles. _

Carlisle reached his hands behind me and begin To force me until I was held Tight against his chest, my arms around his neck, and my legs wrapped more Tensely around his waist. "Do you Trust me?" he asked. I shook my head Then. Not because I didn't Trust him, but because _This _had nothing To do with Trust. "I don't want To", I mumbled into his shirt. He rubbed my back soothingly . . . "Only for a moment. I just want To demonstrate something." Then he began To move and I started struggling in his arms Trying To free myself. "NO!" I panicked. "Carlisle I don't want To." As I heard him Take The first step into The water a growl broke Through my Throat and There came an array of splashes.

Carlisle grabbed my face forcing me To stare out. It was difficult To process The scene . . . All of The crocodiles were Thrashing in The water . . . clearing The area . . . Carlisle pecked his lips against mine. "That's nothing To be afraid of is it", he said in a low sooth. I fought a sob back, my grip on his shirt loosening. The water only swished around us when he Took another step, deeper into The black swamp. I buried my face into The crook of his neck and could feel his lips press into my hair . . . "The water is rather nice here even for The winter, would you like To swim?" he asked casually. There were no words available however. He smirked . . . "You know every time you don't answer me I am just going To go deeper", he informed before I felt a single jerk and The next Thing I knew he was waist deep and I was just barely off of The water.

I went frantic in his arms, Trying once again for an escape. When it hit me That it wasn't happening, I growled and The water began To flick around us, like hail stones were falling. In That moment Carlisle smoothly emerged both of our bodies. I gasped but he put a finger To my lips. "Relax my love", he sung. "I'm here." Waves were forming amongst The water now and I knew I had To somehow calm down before I produced some mutant storm. I bit down on my arm so as To at least not hurt Carlisle, Trying To diminish The fear and regulate The anxiety . . .

The waves slowly lost Their force and following, a minute or so afterwards, The water around us was also flat. Carlisle brought a hand up, pressuring my jaw muscles and forcing me To pull away from my arm. Then he pecked my lips . . . "They are more afraid of us Than you were of Them." I rested my forehead against his. "I Thought They might be different", I strained. His lips lightly pressed against mine . . . "There's not a soul – no beast That could ever reach you so long as I exist", he whispered softly. A feeble smile broke on my face Then. "So Then I guess I'll never have To worry." He smiled. "Not any moment . . . not any day."

. . .

I'm a fool enough To still fear, but not foolish enough To ever lose Trust in my angel . . . _And so sprouted The idea_ . . . Despite being no longer human – it's amazing how we could still swear we are.

We were on our way back To The airport, crossing The JK Bridge. The sun had finally fallen just in Time for us To have To leave and night was at work now – _determined. _Or maybe That was just me . . . _It's all about perception, _I remembered This conversation I'd had with Allen once. He said life was what you perceived it To be and – so was everything in it. If you perceived That This would be The worst moment ever – with The worst outcome- Then it probably would be . . . Not me. Not This Time . . . "Can you", I hesitated, "pull over please?" He gave me This confused look. "Is something wrong?" I smiled crookedly. "I just like it here – This place. Thought maybe I'd Take it in a little more . . ." With That he pulled over – _safely_- alongside The curb and shifted The gear To park.

"You've enjoyed The day I hope", he commented, The full power of his gaze zoned in on me now. I nodded smirking as I recalled our daring swim. "Well, for The most part." He chuckled. "At least you've over come one more fear." I reached my hand behind me, for The handle pushing The door open, my eyes never leaving his. "Yes", I answered even more hesitant now. "But maybe There's still one more." "What would That be?" he inquired, curiosity in The words. I sighed looking staring away from him . . . "You said nothing could ever reach me, right?"

It's a matter of persistence . . . In one shift I was over The Bridge's railing positioned on The ledge. I was facing Carlisle, who was wearing This Tortured expression. "Erin what are you doing?" he mumbled anxiously. My fingers were curled firmly around one of The steel posts, as I focused in on my Target; The highest point in The center. I analyzed all The different angles and marveled at The flawless construction . . . "Stay", I finally responded, my voice fainter even Than The light breeze in The air. There were of course The other passing cars crossing over but I didn't bother To Think Twice before coiling and springing up To one of The lines.

"Have you lost your mind?" Carlisle breathed. He was on The ledge now, easily moving one foot after another To place himself beneath me. "_You're going To fall_." I forced a humorless laugh, "It doesn't matter so long as you exist remember?" He sighed wearily. "Erin please", he pleaded in a whisper, but it was easy To Tell he was holding back more. _And focus . . . _I launched myself again – _This Time with more force_- and latched, some feet higher, onto The cable That was directly lined up The center. I could make out Carlisle's agitated growl from much lower down. "I'm okay", I assured him, The words coming out in a single rush. It was difficult To keep The ground in mind now. The sloshing of lake water was only The most subtle reminder of what waited Below . . .

I can see Carlisle as I look down from The highest point where I am cautiously crouched. He's nearly close enough To reach me so This means I have To act before it is Too late . . . It matters suddenly, as I first acknowledge The exact altitude . . . I asked Allen once how he'd kill himself if he ever considered suicide, and I remember his words like it was just a minute ago he Told me . . . _I mean, I would never consider it, but if I did I'd probably just jump . . . I always wondered what it'd be like To fly_ . . . I braced myself . . . "I'll do it for you." . . . "_Don't You dare!_" he called from below . . .

There are schools of some fish swirling away from me. Its navy green . . . I know I should go up now so as Not To worry my angel, but I just can't bring myself To resurface. Its strangely quiet in This place and comprehendible Thoughts are hard To process. This is okay Though . . . since its better This way anyways . . . I'm not drowning, and. . . like I always knew . . . _he isn't Either_ .

"_What were you Thinking?" _Carlisle demanded. we were huddled in between a post, only inches from The modest current. I could see The anger in his hallow eyes, could read it clearly all over his face . . . but I couldn't process it. He held me pressed gently back against The cement, both of his hands on either side of me . . . I Slowly breathed, reluctantly looking up at him . . . "I knew you'd be There . . . didn't you?" His jaw muscles unclenched and The hard line faded . . . "Of course I did." "So what was wrong with it Then?" I asked, my voice fragile. One of his hands came up, smoothing Through my hair. He shook his head. "Everyone always has Their insecurities", he murmured looking away into The water . . . I moved a hand up and Turned his head so That he would face me. "Carlisle", I mumbled, "Even if I was still human . . . I'd let myself fall Just so you could catch me . . . and – if you weren't There Then. . . Then I guess That's how it was meant To play out . . ."

Remorse played across his expression, his eyebrows furrowing Together. "You should not say Things like That." He sighed miserably . . . "Erin . . . what am I going To do with you?" The air escaped from my lungs. "Whatever's in you To", I managed. His lips motioned To speak but he seemed To stop himself at first . . . "I want To keep you for as long as possible. I want To marry you", he lowered himself so his lips were inches from mine . . . "Erin", he whispered, "I can't lose you, but if I did . . . I suppose it would all make better sense Then." In That moment I stretched myself up . . . "And Then They say I'm crazy", I spoke against his lips. He Took in a slow breath before I felt his Tongue greedily Twist with my own . . . I was The one To pull away, breaking another incomprehensible record . . . "Its selfish. I know it's selfish . . . but I won't let you let me go Carlisle Cullen." One of his hands was supporting me from behind, his fingers Tapping softly in an uneven kind of rhythm. He cleared his Throat . . . "One day we'll both have some explaining To do . . ." I smiled weakly. "But right now we're here." His eyes were a glossy onyx, holding me _here . . . _ The place where we could always stay . . . "Yes . . . we are."

**Ok guys, so I am really sorry for The delay of This ChapTer buT my schedule has been a little hectic. Currently I have also begun To work on my newesT upcoming Carlisle Cullen fan fiction so please bare with me. Please - I can not stress it enough- Review, review, review :D I always love To hear your feedback.**

**P.S. I have never Traveled To Brazil and also Know very few facts about The country itself, my friend really gave me The idea To set The chapter There and decided To wing it. All my info is solely based on Internet obtained facts after a short search runaround :/ Just warning ahead so everyone is aware . . . Adios for now and worry noT, The next chapTer is already in progress :D . . . Super Thanks once again To all The followers of The Story, you guys are what keeps me going. . .**

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	16. GOODBAD COMPANY

SIXTEEN:

GOOD-BAD COMPANY

It's_ Sunday Morning_ . . . I Think . . . We had only been gone for a day maybe but Forks was like an alien planet now . . .

Carlisle held The passenger door open for me and I stepped out. The garage was empty of all vehicles except his Mercedes and my own. Staring at The guardian, it Tempted me now. One of his arms curled around my waist as he pressed me back against his firm body. "The others have gone To Seattle", he informed. "It seems as Though Alice has some remaining items To purchase for The party." I grimaced, "Right . . . when is That again?" I asked regretfully. He chuckled. "Tomorrow evening my love."

I Turned To face him. "So what dramatics should I expect?" He smiled crookedly. "It will just be a few guests. Mostly some distant relatives That have yet To meet you." I sighed miserably, "So This will involve Tons of forced enthusiasm and faking smiles", I confirmed, more To myself. He leaned in, hiding his face away in The crook of my neck where he placed a soft kiss before returning To entrap me in his melting gaze. "They have all been looking forward To meeting my new love", he said, his voice infused with more of a pride now.

I scoffed. "New love huh? So when's my expiration date?" His expression seemed embarrassed now and I would swear if he was human There would have been a blush involved as well. "That did come out wrong", he answered apologetically. I rolled my eyes. "We'll discuss your beating later Doctor Cullen", I only responded mockingly. Realization must have dawned Then as he mechanically brought an arm up To check The Time on his Rolex. "Speaking of That", he spoke as if his job - _saving lives- _was just a side hobby, "I should ready myself. I'm due for my shift soon."

As his eyes met mine I could see The regret in Them. I edged closer and he instinctively pressed me Tighter To him burying his Tongue in my awaiting mouth. After a few minutes - when it was beginning To feel a little Too hot and heavy in The abandoned perfectly set garage - I forced my hands To casually smooth up To his chest and kept Them planted There for a few extra seconds, arguing with myself, before lightly breaking us apart into Two half pieces again. His finger Tips danced under my shirt until The moment That I stopped his hand, retrieving it regretfully into my own desiring one.

I smiled, sighing . . . "You should go save all Those lives now." "Hmm. That would be The Thoughtful Thing To do wouldn't it?" he retorted. I nodded numbly, Trying To clear my head. "That's what all The nuns and The pastors would Tell us To do in order To avoid adultery." He ran his lips soothingly over mine . . . "It is." I laughed faintly. "Get out of here you sinner, we've already pissed off God enough just by existing." He raised an eyebrow. _"I Thought you didn't believe in any God?" _I made a face at him. "Yeah I don't but you do, it's called being considerate To The one you love. _Oh well Thank you Erin for being so selfless_", I said in my best impression. "Its nothing Carlisle my love, really." His smiled widened. "I'll see you later my little misguided atheist." I grinned. "Am I misguided or just of a higher intelligence?" He looked dumfounded at The ceiling above us, clearly only pretending, Then looked back To me. "Maybe both?"

Time is slower when The siblings are absent, and for as long as I exist I don't Think I will ever posses The kind of patience That any of Them do . . . I was in The kitchen eyeing The bottle of whisky on The Top of The fridge when There came a knock. I Turned reflexively. This was a rare occasion - being That I'd never seen or - heard it happen before. Preparing myself for The unexpected I flashed down The hall, hesitating at The door before quickly concluding That Trouble never did offer The courtesy of a knock. But when I opened The door, I felt my entire body lock with a familiar Tension . . . There, chest bared, in a pair of khaki shorts, was The man - The wolf - Sam Uley . . .

I unclenched my my jaws, refusing To show him The fear he spiked in me This Time . . . "Can I help you?" I asked dryly. His own expression showed no signs of stress or displeasure Today. He grinned. But no smugness appeared in The gesture for a change. "You have manners now. Nice To see your", he paused, "siblings have finally house Trained you." I scoffed. "Shouldn't you be hiding behind your precious line?" I countered bitterly. This guy really must have some nerve. That or he must be on a real heavy dose of some good shit, i thought in disbelief of This whole scene - of This Sam Uley - showing up here with his shirt off -_again_- exposing his ripped abs and nearly every other part of his Perfectly Toned figure. What a . . . _show off. _

He grinned. "I should . . . but I'm not", he solved The meaningless equation. "I actually just wanted To check up on you. I was hoping we didn't spook you Too much The other day. Normally we're not so . . . impacting, but when it comes To laying down The laws on a newbie I like To make sure The severity of The Treaty is made perfectly clear." I laughed humorlessly. "The only Thing you puppy dogs impacted was you're own already Too boosted up egos, _Sam_", I answered making sure To unnecessarily emphasize his name as I said it for The first Time. He rolled his eyes, obviously only entertained by my defensive display. "I would've come To see you sooner but Jacob Told me you and _Doctor Smooth Operator _had gone off on some romantic get away. How was your Trip by The way?" _Oh, This guy had balls. _

_"It was so exhausting I could chug down every wolf in The state_", I shot back. He chuckled. "I'd offer myself up as first grabs but won't you at least invite me in first? This is kind of non-couteous you know." I frowned . . . I don't know if it was just The result of dyer boredom or maybe just The physical attraction I would never admit To but I decided Then That either/or it wasn't That big f an issue . . . I Turned away leabing The door wide open and welcoming . . . "Come in why don't you sir", I invited him, Trying my hardest To sound very bitter while seemingly non-chalant at The same Time.

I filled up Two of The fancy shot glasses with whisky, envious. _Sometimes I wish There was an instant human on and off button. _Sam was sitting on The opposite side of The counter, directly across from me and my repulsed nostrils. "You smell disgusting", I casually commented as I passed him a shot. He smirked, "Right back at you kiddy." I watched him Take down The delicious poison in one swig and swallowed down The resentment. He looked down at The remaining glass expectantly. "You uh- want me To Take care of That for you, since you can't yourself?" I glared at him. "Look dog face I use To run on This Stuff back in The day Ok, so if I wanted To I could swallow This punk bottle whole myself." He burst into laughter Then, and I could feel my ego set itself on fire.

"Ok Then", he said when he finally managed To catch his breath again, "I know it's really just wrong of me but I have To see This." I sneered before Taking The shot in one hand. "The only Thing wrong here is how stupid you're setting yourself up To look." I Threw back my head letting The warm foul Tasting fluid pour into my mouth. Now let's Take a moment of silence for The good old mental sigh . . . and back To reality . . . _God . . . I remember a Time when Jack Daniels was my best friend. When had we gone so horribly wrong ? Oh yeah - That's right - when I stopped being human! _

Sam Uley stood To My right where I was kneeled as I got over one empty gag only for my intestines To greet me with a new found other. "Jesus, kid are you alright?" he asked sounding strangely worried. "I'm fine - it'll stop", I strained in between a couple of gags. At least The fluid had never come back up on me This Time but I'd spent what Felt Like a True Eternity gagging with no avail. When I was finally able To get back on my feet It was clear That Sam no longer found any comedy in The senseless moment That had brought on The senseless action quickly followed up by The senseless consequence. I laughed. "Sam it's okay, I'm fine now. Guess I'm just a light weight now . . . sadly." "What's wrong with you kid?" I forced a laugh That only further pained my insides. "Too many Things To conclude on a problem." He looked like he was about To go all parental when he seemed To Take That much needed mental pause and his expression reverted back To normal.

"So . . ." he began again in an awkward Trail. "What's it like being . . . dead?" I smirked. "Well . . . It burns at first and . . . Then it sucks. Then one day you wake up and . . . you have him and - he's just perfect, and you realize . . . it doesn't matter how you got here . . . all That matters is That you stay here for as long as you can because . . . it doesn't get any better." He chuckled, The sound very unconvincing. "Sounds dramatic." I circled around The counter, Taking a seat in one of The chairs. "Yeah well, life's dramatic." He grinned raising an eyebrow. "A dead Twelve year old is Telling me about life", he scoffed, "How fucked up is my life?" I smiled, Too amused now.

He leaned back against The stove. "You know I never stopped To Think about your family or your . . .boyfriend for That matter before coming over here. I'm The one violating The Treaty now." I smiled wider, "Uh-oh, when wolves rebel . . . what ever has The world come To?" He rolled his eyes. "Are you on drugs?" I sighed rocking back in my seat. "Oh how I wish. If only Mother Nature would be so kind as To have mercy on me." He shook his head. "Kids now a days", he grumbled before straightening back up out of his relaxed position. "I guess I should go now", he said. "My pack of idiots have likely been alone for Too long and you're back up squad should be back soon." He Turned and I hopped off of my seat.

"Actually They're all in Seattle for The day . . . probably won't be back until late and Carlisle is at work so . . ." "So I still have To go I do have other Things To Take care of you know, not everyone gets To sit around and suck away The forest all day." I could feel dyer boredom's shadow creeping up on me again and . . . maybe something Else. "Well maybe I could come with you?" He scoffed, Turning back To face me. "Yeah That'll go over well. Leave on a run come back with The newest Teenage leech." Inside I was Thrown off. I guess mainly because There was something in me That wanted To believe That There was another meaning behind This visit . . . That Some how, something about me specifically had gotten a hold of Sam Uley's attention and Thus brought him to The steps of my front door. But in all of reality's imperfection, There probably really was no meaning - _he probably was in fact just checking up on me. _

He looked away. NO - Let me rephrase That - _he was staring at everything in The immediate area but me. _He seemed To hesitate before his cold stare fell back on me. "Maybe we can . . . hang out sometime . . . on The low you know." It Took some effort To hold back The ridiculous enthusiasm I felt in That moment. "Well Alice - my sister - she's Throwing This stupid get Together for my birthday Tomorrow . . . I'm going To hate it, you should come . . . i'll Talk To Carlisle, he won't mind . . ." He grimaced. "A leech festival, You're kidding right?" I smirked, "Right, we're supposed To be all woes The wolves and off The blood suckers", I paused second guessing my own words . . . "But it doesn't always have To be like This. . . right?" He grunted. "Yes It does." . . . He shrugged. "Look I'll Tell you what kid, you remember The line That you were dancing on?" I flinched as Photo flash memory did it's best To remind me. "Yeah", I managed. He nodded. "We'll meet up There Tomorrow night. Around one sound good?"

I can't say it enough - _Thank goodness for no heartbeats in The afterlife. _"Sure cool, cool. The misery bash should be about dead by Then." He sighed, cocking his head. "I'm out of here Then . . . catch you." I nodded all The while biting The inside of my bottom lip To suppress The smile That Threatened To betray me. "Catch you . . . old man." "I Think i'll Take advantage of you're back doors This Time." I sighed. "I kind of always promised myself I'd never let anyone in There." He shot me a disgusted look. "Yeah, I'm going now." "You should because you are definitely out of line right now sir." He shook his head as he Turned away.

. . .

**Okay so I owe everyone an apology. Sorry I've Taken so long my life had just gotten very complex over The last few weeks. It still is really but The important Thing is That my inspiration is back. Hope you all will forgive me :( . . . From This point on it gets impossibly crazier so please hold on & stick around so I'll do The same . . . :D **


	17. IF TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT

SEVENTEEN:

IF TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT

I was on The back porch deck staring blankly out at The patch of green ahead when The foot steps became audible and I Turned To see Jasper of all people standing There - waiting I knew This . . . I sighed, smiling That God awful, dead give away, awkward smile. "Jazz, you scared me." He raised an eyebrow, and The knowing smug smirk appeared on his expression. "Glad someone can still scare you straight . . . since apparently The wolves don't anymore." _Don't you dare - play it off_, I coaxed myself.

I scoffed, "What?" I asked in return Trying my very hardest To sound dumbstruck. He rolled his eyes moving To stand at my left. "Hmm. Right, because I just couldn't immediately detect The smell of moist dog in The air The moment I hit The front exterior of The house', He chuckled, "Who are you kidding kid?" I could feel The pressure as my Teeth grounded against each other. Through The corner of my eye, I glanced Through The glass doors into The empty kitchen before looking back To Jasper. He sighed wearily. "Everyone is aware you dummy . . .There's no mistaking The stench of _Them_." His own disgust was evident in The last word. I sighed, Though not even my other immortal siblings could have detected The sound . . . "Carlisle?" I asked. His smirk faltered Then. "Clueless as usual of his_ Angel's_ defiance." I nodded once in one rigid jerk . . . "Look nothing happened Ok. He just showed up and . . . we got To Talking and . . ." I let myself fade away with The breeze That sifted Through The air realizing That no matter what I said no one in This _vampire _household would find any ration in my words.

Jasper Placed a hand on my shoulder and I could feel The Tension That radiated from him . . . "Sister", his Tone was plain and lifeless, "You're Talking about abolishing all boundaries and violating all That The wolves and ourselves have worked To preserve as an act of respect for decades now . . ." I looked away from him down To The wooden planks beneath us . . . "And? What's wrong with a little change Jazz. Was everyone in This big sacred settlement not all once human?" I felt his grip on my shoulder Tighten . . . "Edward is waiting for you upstairs in his room", he eyed me, in This skeptical kind of way he never had before . . . "If you Think you can dance it's always worth a Try I suppose. Never killed anyone . . . a majority of The Times." He released me from his impressionable hold and his hand fell back down To his side stiffly. He was always like That - smoothly stiff. But Then again when you had To feel all of The humanity and - inhumanity for That matter - around you everyday - for all That was left of an eternity- how could one Not be . . . I ran a hand Through my hair. "Edward, upstairs?" I mumbled The question. "Hmm", was all he responded.

. . .

Rosalie was passing on her way down The stairs as I was on my way up. She grinned. "Mutt lover", she remarked. I rolled my eyes and she giggled contentedly. "Stay out of The study", she ordered as I continued pass her, "Alice and I will be back we", I heard The awkwardness in her pause, "Forgot something", she finished reluctantly, "Emmett and Jazz are coming with us." I stopped at The Top Steps, never turning back To face her. "Again?" i questioned with clear suspicion. "You know how psycho bitch Alice is about These kinds of Things", she quickly replied - Too pre-rehearsed, and way Too breezily. From The garage I could hear Alice Tapping her fingers impatiently against The steering wheel, "I heard That." I shook my head, "Yeah so what's new?" When I did Turn To speak again, Rosalie was already gone and my eyes narrowed for a second before I decided my suspicions would remain running in The same clueless line regardless of any further inquiries and I continued onwards up The second flight of steps.

. . .

I walked in To find Edward sitting on The end of his chase lounge. His expression was blank as usual and his eyes were The same hallow glittering holes That They almost always were, As a result of weeks without hunting for no apparent reason, masochistic as he always was. I went To lean against The glass wall across from him; we were maybe a foot and some centimeters apart. "You rang sir", I began. The Breath he inhaled was feeble and strained somehow . . . "Your day was interesting." I forced a faint laugh. "Are They not always?" He seemed To Think over The question That should have been rhetorical before looking up at me for The first Time. "I ... came across Sam Uley Today when we were all on our way back home." I glared at him. _"Or don't you mean, I ran off when we first arrived and violated your privacy by Talking To Sam Uley behind your back ?" _He stood up Rolling his eyes, as he Turned his back To me . . . "What is merely a play date To you might mean a lot more To him, have you stopped To Think of such a possibility?" I scoffed. "No - but now I have, and you want To know what - it still doesn't change anything", I heaved a sigh, "Edward Tomorrow is _my birthday _and after The party That I would rather avoid To begin with, _foolish Eighteen year old me_ is going To meet up with Sam whether anyone objects To The idea or not."

He snickered something under his Breath Too low fro me To make Out, "Yeah well we'll see just where you are going when Carlisle hears about This check in visit." I scoffed, "You know . . . _what The fuck is your problem?_ " He abruptly Turned letting The full intensity of his chilling Stare fall on me. "_MY PROBLEM IS THAT I WILL NOT HAVE MY YOUNGEST - MOST INANE - SISTER SKIPPING AWAY MERRILY INTO THE SUNSET WITH A DOG!" _ He exclaimed furiously, and - for The first Time- I feared my brother. Then, as The lapse of shock left and The words he had actually spoken sunk in, There came The confusion. "Wait what?" I asked, much more humbly This Time. "Look . . . Just drop It Erin . . ." The warning was pure menace - a side I'd never seen him use Towards me directly. I swallowed down The lump now formed in The pit of my Throat, And managed To shake my head . . . "You can Tell Carlisle whatever you Want . . . still won't change Anything." Then - before I even had The Thought To walk away - his hands were fists, clinging To The fabric of my shirt sleeves. "Edward . . . _Let go of me now", _The words came in one force, sounding half broken. "You", he growled, "Will Not see him again."

In The same The shelf located behind us That held all all of his records came crashing down on The rug floor and I could hear The Exterior glass walls around us begin To crackle. I Tried my hardest To breathe but The air would Not come . . . "_Get your hands off of me Edward_." "You will obey", he hissed back. And - with Those words - There was a rush of gold and in The instant I huffed a breath as I slammed against The wall nearest To The room's doorway and bits of dry wall flew in opposite directions around me. The next image I processed was Edward flat on his back and Carlisle hovering above him - chocking him and restraining The lower half of his body as it Bucked uselessly against his . . .

In a flash I was above Carlisle my fingers wrenched around his upper arm. "_CARLISLE STOP!" _I pleaded anxiously, "_HE WASN'T HURTING ME - WE WERE ONLY TALKING!" _ When he looked up At me I felt every muscle in my body lock in place, as I Took in all of The fury his crimson red pupils held. I watched his jaw line flex as he unground his Teeth and in The same he released Edward who immediately shot back up To his feet. "This is insane Carlisle am I not even allowed To guide her for her own well being . . . _FOR YOURS?_ " He Shouted enraged.

Carlisle Stood, So That They were Toe To Toe and I Let my hand fall away from him . . . "You are never To lay so much as a finger on her again. You should be grateful I chose Not To banish you from This house", he spoke in a cold Stern. I lowered my head, feeling The shame That Threatened To crush me from The inside Out. "Carlisle It's Not his fault I - "Go To The room Erin", Carlisle surprised me, never allowing The finish of my mumbled words. He Turned To face me, "We will discuss The minor Factors of This matter Later." I nodded . . . _I'm sorry Edward_, I Thought internally as I Turned To leave.

I miss being human - back Then, when you left a room,_ you had actually left The room. _The argument had gone on for a sickening amount of Time; a battle of raised voices and unnecessary Jabs. I'd worked my hardest To Tune out as much of The family feud segment as I could and it was only when The overwhelming silence suddenly kicked shocked my brain back To The present That I retrieved my cell from The pocket of my jeans; It was a minute and change after Midnight. Well here It was - my Eighteenth year- and I'd commenced it on The rug floor of our walk-in Closet - in hiding - laying flat under a rack of his Most Casual dress shirts, when The Double doors came open . . .

"Well", Edward's said in a soft murmur, "Eighteen years and you've Taken To hiding in Closets . . . and To Think we're still counting." I smiled weakly as he accommodated himself in an indian style position next To my head pressed back against The wall. "So am I knee deep or what?" I asked dryly. The smug grin That he flashed Then was anything but comforting. "It could be worse", he responded, sounding All Too humored . . . "I Edited The story a bit . . . for your benefit", he huffed, "But more for mine. Carlisle would have both Alice's and my head if he found out We both anticipated This afternoon's events in advance." I looked up At him. "Will you be mad At me forever?" He rolled his eyes. "My naive Little sister . . . if I had still been upset To begin with what are The chances That I would have bothered myself further more by coming here?"

I swallowed as The first hint of Relief rushed over me, and Then adjusted myself into a sitting position beside him, wrapping my arms around my legs so That They were pressed against my chest. "I Thought he was going To kill you", I slurred The words Together, and my eyebrows furrowed Together as I did a Mental recap of The argument all in one from beginning To End. He laughed, Though The sound was half Faltered . . . "Ah", he began again after some seconds, "As much as he might like To go Through The motions of The act itself . . . he could never . . . He's been Stuck with me for decades, he could never bring himself To break The Tie now . . . Might've Just shook me up at The most . . ." I let my head Tilt sideways, resting on his shoulder . . . "He'll hate me one day. Hasn't Alice seen yet?" He sighed, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me against His side . . . "Keep dreaming", he finally answered his Tone lazy and The words Themselves seeming To drag involuntarily, like The carts hooked on a Train.

I Went To ask The dreaded question but Then stopped just before my lips were ready To motion. _Where is he? _I Thought instead . . . "I Sent him away so That we could keep some privacy . . . He should be a few miles down The road waiting like The psychopath That he is in my call." I sighed . . . "You should Trust in me more often, you know. It's kind of offensive Sometimes." He huffed This Time, "If you only would realize sister. I Trust you . . . it's Just The others around you That I can Not." He brought a hand up To my head, his fingers beginning To smooth circles in my hair . . . "I'd hate To ever lose you Erin Gallagher", he spoke in a soft whisper, And it Struck me as odd being I had never heard him address me using my maiden name - Not Ever . . . He placed a hand under my chin bringing my face up To meet with his and his eyes were like a drizzling caramel . . . He cleared his Throat. "Happy Birthday?" The words were came in Question. He heaved an Exaggerated Breath and - in The next half blink - his lips were crushing Themselves Against Mine . . .

As I brought my hand up To cup The side of his face with The initial Intention of anomalistically shoving him away - my body seemed To Protest against The orders The rational side of my mind had Instructed and I found myself pulling him roughly Into me as my Tongue beckoned against his dulcet lips requesting further access. He moaned his approval and I dug Into his Mouth That had This heavenly sort of Tangy flavor To it before our Tongues were drawn To each other, like magnets Joining . . . He must have been The one That Stopped first because The next Thing I knew, I was watching my pained expression reflect off of his melting gaze . . . I Tried for The right words But They seemed To be missing in The action, so I simply settled for The ones That came first . . . "Thank you." The Two words had come Out so wrong - desperate, Almost like a prayer. The walls around us Trembled once, Just Enough That it sounded like The bass of a Stereo system, and I mechanically Rose, looking away from him To The double doors . . . "Carlisle's probably waiting for me . . . should go . . ."

. . .

I waited for Carlisle at The front steps of The house, wishing The Earth would swallow me whole somehow before he arrived. I'd listened To Edward make The call - cool as ever- so I knew he would surely come back soon enough . . . right? When I heard The humming of The engine revving Monstrously up The road from some miles out I Could have just about died - in all actuality This Time - until The Tangerine hummer came zooming up The drive and my breathing fell back Into The unneeded sequence again. Alice was At my side, before The engine ever cut. "It was Nothing", she said in our version of a True Silent whisper, "Nobody has To know . . . Not even Them", she finished as The opening and shutting of The jeep doors were heard . . . "Carlisle is fine, act Neutral", she pulled away and smiled her usual mischievous smile. "I have To go set up now so you're band from The house for The rest of The night. Don't worry I have a feeling you Won't have any Trouble killing The Time." Her eyes flashed ahead and I Turned Just in Time To Catch The black Mercedes appear from around The corner of The drive.

The silence was awfully loud. It was almost Screaming, piercing Through my ear drums Thus causing an uncomfortable Ringing . . . I leaned my head against The window Shutting my eyes . . . "Does it mean That much To you?" he asked At last lifting away The Most accusing Quiet. My eyes snapped open . . . "Does what mean That much To me?" We merged on To The highway and immediately afterwards The car accelerated. "This . . . Meeting with Sam Uley Tomorrow", he responded, his voice calm and unmoved, Though I knew The displayed mood was a deception. I pushed back The guilt That was Trying To make its way from The back of my mind and managed a Curt nod. "I Thought maybe . . . he wasn't so bad . . . It would have be nice To have . . . someone else . . . Outside of us - in The house . . ." His focus was locked Straight ahead but I did catch him Throw me This look . . . This Guilt ridden look . . . _And just great. You've done it Again Erin . . . way To go . . . _

"I never realized how alone you felt . . . you should have addressed This issue with me sooner", he responded, The words were Strained. I Breathed . . . "I'm Not alone. He just . . . Isn't as bad as some might make him out To be. And - if he isn't - Then maybe They aren't Either." He smiled. "I don't suppose Thee will be any Talking you out of This." _Sure maybe I could if you promised Not To leave me after I confessed To having a full out make out session with your first son . . . _"And I will Take That as a definite no", he answered wearily To himself. "So I will humor you Then my love", he looked over At me -_ sick with love_, "Would it be much of a bother if Edward or myself perhaps accompanied you?" An Empty gag Tried for a way out of me Then, but I managed To fight it off . . . "You - you could come", I answered.

He smiled sheepishly. "Did he Not apologize To you Then?" I nodded looking down at The floor . . . "He did." "But you did Not Accept?" he pressed on. I Sighed. "I did, we're fine. I would Just prefer it if you came Instead . . . you know how awkward Edward can be." He laughed, a light Laugh, "Yes, I Must Admit I've had my share of Moments." I huffed, finally able To face The wrath of his Penetrating gaze again . . . "That makes The Two of us Then."

Typically I would frown upon The overpriced Hotel Suite, But Tonight I only Sat on edge At The End of The king sized bed Topped With Red And White rose peddles. . . Carlisle was laid back beside me and I grew sicker inside as I felt his hand Take mine . . . "Was It Too much?" he asked in The Velvet Tone. I slipped my shoes off and Let myself fall back Next to him . . . "I'm Too use To It by now", I said forcing a feeble smile, "I'm more curious as To why we Just had To make The Trip Out To Seattle." He grinned, rolling his eyes. "Alice Wanted To make sure you were nowhere in Immediate Distance To object To any of her . . . plans." I had To roll my eyes This Time, "As if It would make a difference." He reached an arm over, Letting It Rest on my hip, and sighed wearily . . . "What are you hiding from me . . . My Beautiful Love", The words were begging and Relentless, burning my insides.

I could feel The Tears That should have been building, slightly blurring my vision, Despite my weakling's Fight. _Yes, _That's What I was - What I would always be . . . _A Gutless Weakling. _But Not here - Not To him . . . Not This Night, if any ever again . . . "Edward kissed me . . . I kissed him back. I Don't know What It means", I struggled To bare The Strength for The words To follow, "I Just know I Love you." He blinked once and On The next second, his eyes were The Two hallow holes again . . . Before I could acknowledge The change, He'd Shifted himself over me. In Another slow Tick of Time, The green T-shirt I wore served as a shredded pillow Underneath my head and The Straps of my black lace braw were sliding down my shoulders . . .

I moaned and locked my legs around his Waist, my Center reflexively bucking Against his as I felt his Teeth sink mercilessly Into The flesh of my Right Breast. I Wrenched Onto a fist full of his baby blue Button down, and with a single Tug, his shirt was split in an imperfect Half somewhere beside us . . . This was A Fatal Move for me apparently because in The same The arm I'd used for The Tactic was pinned above my head. He used his free hand To undo his Belt Letting his slacks fall away, and kicking his shoes off so hard It sounded like rocks were Hitting The walls. When he finally freed my Hurt breast of his burning Bite, it was only To allow his lips Their own freedom. They Swept down my Stomach and I felt his Teeth gently take in a piece of my French Cut before it was gone . . . I Didn't know when he'd found The Time To remove his briefs but I flinched as I felt his Length bump Against my very vulnerable Entry way. In Another Lapse, I could feel his cool Breath Against my Ear . . . "It Means Nothing", he whispered, And before I could search for more senseless words, I felt The walls of my insides go Into a full Out shock as He Thrust Savagely Into me.

_"Carlisle!" _I managed in a Strained whimper. But he only Smothered my lips With his, Letting Out a pained growl in response . . .

**Ok guys . . . (sigh) . . . once again I deeply apologize for The delay. I was Actually in The middle of a very Hectic move; consequently I had no Internet up Until Today :((( . . . so here it is Chapter Seventeen. Once more, allot is going To be going down so Try and keep up which shouldn't be Too hard given my slug pace Lately :/ . . . and for Those of you who have added me To your favorite stories List recently ; Tank you so so much, once again, The support is always appreciated :D . . . **

**P.S. And for Those of you who engage In Today's celebration - and This week's if That's how you do it :/ - HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY ! or - as I Like To call it - THE HOLY DAY *_* **


	18. THE SAME IN REVERSE

EIGHTEEN:

THE SAME . . . IN REVERSE

_The morning After is surreal ._

Even more so Than The fact That despite all of The odds we ourselves Exist . . .

Last night was a dream - _It had To be. _My angel disposing of his morals . . . He could never work up The audacity To even Think of The possibility of such a careless Action . . . _Right? _

But In The light of day I could have been blinded by The diamonds. By The vision of The angel That I rested on . . . I dared Not look up, fearing To face The Rest of This . . . fearing The Reality . . . Fearing some of The darker possibilities That might just be waiting To crush and consume me Entirely in This New moment . . . This new place where The Terrain as of now was Uncertain and unknown. . .

The first feeling was That of fingertips grazing uncomfortably Timid over my scalp . . . "You are Thoroughly Rested I presume", The angel's melody came, unlikely mellowed. I counted Down The seconds before my lack of response would become known as rude, and Then reluctantly Brought what I was sure was my guilt plastered face up To meet his . . . His own face - still flawless and Beautiful - was all but a blank canvas . . . "So . . ." I managed, realizing in The same Moment That I had just guided myself headfirst Into The complete idiot's awkward pause. "So", he began easily where I left off, "Are you very Content Now?"

My Throat felt parched and my lips seemed To be welded Together . . . "What's The right answer?" He chuckled softly, "I didn't know That There was one." I hiked myself up so That I was laying on Top of him and hid my face away in The crook of his neck . . . "Is it over Then . . . are we?" I whispered The question, all The hesitation in The world very clearly audible. I felt his muscles, rigid beneath me. Then There came a huff . . . "Do you Think . . . if it had been my intentions To . . . do such a Thing, last night would have ever happened Erin?" I felt one of his hands run down my back and it was The coolest wave, delivering all The piece of mind one could ever require in This alternate universe. He sighed. "It was unbelievable . . . but I've disgraced you now, and – for that- I will never forgive myself."

I lifted my head up To meet The shameful expression I already knew would be waiting . . . "We've Been Through This . . . _remember_?" He scoffed. "Yes Erin, and in That Time I had yet To violate you – To Take what innocence you could have preserved until The proper Time", he began with his self loathing, and I rolled my eyes, looking dubiously at him. "Ok – _innocence – Me – _please Carlisle", I said with disgust, because it did disgust me That despite all of The previous day's Events That had initially Triggered This new found Carlisle last night was my fault; if anything – _I was The one who should be begging for mercy here. _"And - for your supposed God's sake at least – please stop making yourself sound like some sort of sadistic rapist. _You _didn't rape me. _I _wanted This just as badly as you did, and . . . I'm The asshole here. _I'm The one That fucked up, Not you! _" He winced at my assertion, and I could see The hurt at last cut Through him.

"Erin what happened with Edward was not your fault and you haven't The need To feel like you are any less worthy because of it, _he is The one who should have known better._" I felt The oxygen catch at my Throat. "_No – wait_", I stammered nervously, "You can't Tell him I Told you – you can't even Think It . . . I promised him." Ok, so maybe no promises had ever been made from either side, but when we'd both . . . _finished_, and I split – That had been _my promise To myself_ . . . He sighed . . . "For The sake of not violating your wishes I will attempt To remain in line Erin. But if he ever dares To" – "He won't . . . _I won't_", I stressed, cutting him off mid-rampage before he ended up Triggering himself – _over me- Again . . . _

It was easy To distinguish That The weak smile he flashed me momentarily afterwards was candid . . . "Erin if you ever feel That your heart has changed – That you have . . . I will never stand in your way . . . but I won't sit by and watch . . . _anyone_, Take you against your will", his Tone of voice was like The cry of a straining angel's, and - despite The whole deceased factor- It felt as Though The blood inside of me had Turned against my own insides, and streams of acid were now flowing Through me instead; like _even my own venom could poison me. _. . . "Carlisle I love you – no one else . . . Not ever." He brought his hand up To cup The side of my face, rubbing his Thumb against my cheek, "I know it", he answered lowly. In The same second his expression reverted To a calm display and he pulled my face To his, Taking my lips in softly . . .

I smiled crookedly. "Besides, Hell is coming To pay me back Tonight." He grinned. "Yes, you're idea of it I suppose. Alice did call earlier." I grimaced, groaning at The same Time. "Please - don't Tell me That . . ." I couldn't bring myself To finish The words. He quirked an eyebrow, "Are you ashamed?" I sighed. "No, it's just . . . she's never going To let me live This down", I whined The last words pathetically. He chuckled and The sound was genuine for The first Time, which easily brushed off my much minor embarrassment . . . _for here and now anyways. _"I have already given her a warning", he informed, and I scoffed. "Yeah, That'll reign her in . . . _for a few hours maybe._" He smirked, "We can only hope. And as much as I hate To inform, you should begin To ready yourself now so That we can head back for", he paused, contemplating . . . "Your hell", he finished. I huffed, "_What – why? it's still early_." He rolled his eyes, "It is only maybe so for you." I groaned, "But what Time is it?" He laughed lightly, "My love it is nearly The evening and Alice expects us There no more Than some Time past The commencement of The celebration." I sighed miserably . . . "That's all she's granting me. Jesus, some mercy on _my birthday _wouldn't kill her would it?" He snickered something I couldn't make out despite our close quarters, Then eyed me skeptically. "Did someone just call The name of a holy figure?" he questioned severely smug. I glared at him. "Just . . . shut up."

. . .

Reality only hit when we were officially stopped and _locked_ in The – as of Tonight – under spaced garage. Beside my guardian There was a black and white Maserati, and a space after Alice's yellow Porsche, There was a glossy black Lamborghini Gallardo _GT600_; This was clearly fresh out of The dealership, _being It had yet To arrive anywhere near The states yet. _When The crack of The passenger's side door brought me back To The present, I looked at Carlisle's awaiting hand and winced before finally surrendering To The fate That was inevitable. "Just so you know, you all are killing me in The most cruel and unusual way Tonight", I said. He smirked as we Exited The garage and out onto The drive; clearly an act of mercy from him, and - I have To say – _There weren't enough words in The world To express my gratitude. _"My love, It will be over before you can Think it, and . . . The Denali's are The closest Thing To family we've ever had", we stopped just at The foot of The porch steps . . . "They have been looking forward To This day . . . To _you_ more specifically, since I found you. So just give This night a chance", his harmonic Tone began To sway me . . . I nodded, flashing him a weakened smile, "I promise . . . I'll Treat it like an Oscar's up for grabs." He brought my hand up To his lips kissing it softly . . . "Believe it or not, No forced emphasis will be needed Tonight."

I might've had one foot in The door when Alice ambushed us. "_Happy birthday Erin!_", she buzzed with over joy. "Ok so we're changing before you meet everyone, so let's go", her friendly manner had Transformed almost instantly To The strictly business one she regularly used during The _functions_ like This. Carlisle sighed, flashing me one of Those bright as The day light's smiles. "Gently Alice, please", he subtly cautioned in a mumble. She made a face at him before latching on To one of my arms and proceeding To Tow a _very reluctant_ me up The stairs.

"He will _love_ This outfit on you . . . everyone will actually", she confirmed. I stared with disgust at The image of me. The jean leggings were so Tight I Thought They would suffocate my most intimate part. The black and white striped long sleeve sweat shirt had always been _so fruit cake_ To my concept. And - as for The short cut black leather jacket That rose much above my belly button serving as The sleeve shirt's partial cover up while Trapping me in another awkward squeeze . . . _at least The screaming voices in my head could for The most part come To acceptance with This little piece of reality_ . . . "Um . . . I didn't know people were actually going To care." Alice sighed contently, disregarding my remark, as she stopped for The first Time To admire her work. "I'll Tell you what, I'll let you remain in This outfit, without changing once, for The entire night if you promise not To bitch _at any point_." I shook my head Turning away from The mirror That reflected _alternate Me_ and heaved a sigh . . . "_Fine._" "We'll call it The deal breaker Then", she sung - all Too pleased - before her fingers reflexively snapped and curled around my arm.

. . .

"Oh Carlisle, I should have eaten you alive when I had The chance", I could here The voice of a woman seconds before Entering The living room. It was so flat and perfect - like wind chimes dinging amongst an airless atmosphere. Alice half leaned against me, "Of course I went overboard, but I promise, it won't be The Total nightmare you're anticipating. I nodded, "Yeah, I've heard That one numerous Times Today." . . .

It could have been _a lot_ worse . . . The living room was still recognizable behind The array of multi sized and scented white candles divided in a descent proportion around The room. A cloud of balloons concealed The entire span of The ceiling in shades of blue, and most of The furniture pieces, including The white sofa, were still in their usual place with The exception of The set of Lazy boy armchairs, set aside to make The space needed for a medium sized ornamented Table That held on display a couple of colorfully wrapped gifts - likely all prepared by Alice, of course - _Judging solely by how flawlessly matched The coordination was._ Carlisle appeared To stand in front of me just as my feet made contact with The mahogany wood floor. He outstretched a hand and I instinctively planted my own in his. "Happy birthday my love . . . again", he spoke The words, accompanied with a warm smile, in a velvety whisper. As he willed me along with him four beautiful goddesses and a stunning male caught my eye. One of The goddesses stepped forward and all homosexuality factors aside, I couldn't help but linger on her perfection. He hair hung long down her back in The most golden strawberry curls. Her breasts were ideally plump and round and - The red gown she wore gave away every one of her voluptuous curves.

I was hoping my _admiration _was not as noticeable as my self conscious perceived it To be in This moment when The goddess's lips curved into a glamorous smile. "So you're The one who can shatter The world at any given second", she began, "I must admit from what Carlisle has described it sounds _very impressive_ . . . I'm Tanya." I nodded, forcing a feeble smile, "Hi." Carlisle gave my hand a light squeeze. "Tanya and . . . ", he gestured at The group of goddesses aligned behind Tanya. "Irina", he introduced and I followed his gaze To a Thin beautiful angel dressed in all white. Her hair was pale yet still seemed illuminated as The dim florescent lights of The room beamed down on her. She smiled as fragilely as I could have ever, giving me a curt nod, "It's very nice To finally welcome you." I nodded. "Thank you, it's nice To meet you Too", I half mumbled in response.

Emmett suddenly flashed To obstruct The view. "Yeah, now let's speed This up kids." He stepped aside so That The view was clear once again. "That's Kate", he continued, gesturing with a hand at an impossibly more petite woman wearing a gold satin gown, whose hair was fixed into a perfectly curled bun ; her _body was as slender as The most elegant swan's_. He chortled once before pointing at The final Two That seemed To float in unison beside The rest of Their family. Their complexions were a glimmering olive. The female's hair was a long silky brown That hung down To just inches above her waist Line, and It was clear from a first glance That The male – clearly her mate – had a well developed, _bluntly built_ figure. Though, as The Thought hit, I immediately looked away, remembering The one mind reader in The room - _whom I had just made out with yesterday_, "And This is Carmen and Elezar. _They're The Two immigrants so They don't really count._" Through peripheral vision, I could see Carlisle frown, obviously finding no humor in The pun.

Something flickered Through Elezar's expression in The same moment and my attention unconsciously strayed To focus was so obviously set on me; for a moment I felt uncomfortable before I felt a wave of calm crash over me. _I would have To Thank Jazz later on at some point. _ "Her gift is nearly impeccable Carlisle . . . amazing. Not necessarily an earth bender, more so indefinable. There's no set make in This one." If I was human I would probably be blushing away . . . but Then again – when it came To me – hence recent events – allot was _indefinable_. Carlisle grinned, "Well, it may sound a bit over confident, but I have always Thought it so." Rosalie made her way To Emmett's side . . . "Elezar you have no idea how literal your words are in This moment", she added with a sinister smile. I glared at her, while wishing I could somehow evaporate.

Carlisle sighed exhilaratingly. "She was always a promising addition from The beginning." My gaze fell To The floor in The midst of my embarrassment Then. Elezar chuckled, "I dare not To oppose." . . . It happened like The finding of _The one needle in The hay filed_. Alice was retrieving one of The presents from The center Table when she mechanically froze in place . . .

The Tension radiated as we all watched The present slip and fall with a light Thud onto The floor. Jasper came forward To her aid in The same moment . . . "_Darling . . . what happened?_"

She never answered . . . her eyes only flickered once In The direction of The hall way, and Then The Tension fell off of her for an instant as she Turned, Zoning her distraught expression in on Carlisle . . . The next Thing I knew Edward stood before me and - as he went To Take my hand - Carlisle had me shielded behind his back. "_Keep your hands off of her!_" he snapped; I could here a menacing growl Emit from his chest. Alice was In between both of Them in The same finish of his cold Threat, "_Carlisle please . . . she's coming – we need To get her out of here while you handle This!_"

It was only at That point That I interceded _on my own behalf. _"Who's coming?" I asked over Carlisle's shoulder. Alice sighed, Turning To face me directly. "It's really nothing Dear. Its just best if Carlisle deals with This matter on his own – it will only Take a few moments . . .

_If you leave now_." I scoffed, "If it's _really_ _nothing,_ Then why do I have To leave at all?" Just as she motioned her lips To speak again, I saw Carlisle visibly become rigid before Taking my hand in his and imprisoning it in his firm grasp.

Following, I realized, I was no longer in a room with my family members but flocked by lifeless statues . . . This Term – _for The record_ - can be considered half literal. In The hallway, inches shy of The living room itself There stood a woman dressed in all black. Her hair was a milky brown with subtle hints of caramel and her complexion was exceptionally pale. Her weary expression accompanied by The dark circles underneath her eyes made her look similar To a human suffering from a severe case of insomnia. None The less she was still beautiful . . _. if anything The flaws Themselves were a compliment To The rest of her . . . _"Esme", Carlisle said The name in a faint Tone; _as Though Death itself had just arrived. _And Then - _perhaps precisely where it should have –_ _my memory did not cease To fail me_ . . . She smiled and her eyes met with mine. "Because _children_ shouldn't involve Themselves in adult matters of course." . . .

It was Emmett's who came forward first, pulling me against him and using The full force of his brute strength To restrain me. "_Don't_ fight me, just relax", he mumbled. But in The end . . . I don't know what True control he ever did have . . . It was raining droplets of melted wax as The candles bolted all in The same direction. Emmett slammed me down against The wood floor with such ferocity several cracks came at The exact moment contact was made. His knee pressed down on my back . . . "_Relax!_"he emphasized in a hoarse Tone. "Its okay baby . . . _it's okay._"

His words meant nothing . . . _They were nothing . . . _Edward kneeled down beside us and I watched The invader Dart out of sight as subtle flames flickered before There was a grand spark. Balloons popped one after The other in loud burst. As The floor beneath us began To rumble causing several Thin planks of wood To shoot up and Thrust Themselves in a straight narrow path Towards where she once had been, Edward sighed . . . "And we're leaving."

After They ran with me for countless miles, we stopped beside The one stream That cut Through The forest. After growing Tired of fighting against Emmett's hold I just let myself go limp in his arms and he lowered me slightly so That my feet were able To plant down on The gravel beneath us . . . "If I let you go are you going To stay calm?" he asked and I could feel his cool breath against The nape of my neck. Edward came around us and as he came into view I could see The mischievous smirk he sported. "Set her down Em . . . _now_." His demeanor was calm but in The last word, The demand was not so easily disguised. Emmett scoffed, before releasing me and as I Turned To lunge at him, Edward hooked me by The hem of my jacket. "Jesus Erin . . . _breathe_." I jerked myself free and Turned, "Fuck you!" I shouted in response. "_That stupid bitch Tried me in front of everyone, and you guys are on her side?_"

Emmett burst in laughter behind us Then. "You are such a Twelve year old Erin", he said in between more bellows. Edward only arched an eyebrow . . . "So . . . we were on her side . . . _right_", he said with a shake of his head. "You know you really should consider Tuning back To earth now and again. We were only Trying To prevent _you_ from having To ruin This day – _your_ day." "Well The you guys should all stop Treating me like I'm incapable of handling myself – _for once_!" I snapped in response. Emmett scoffed, "Oh yeah _because you so handled yourself back There_." The pressure in my jaws was building and I heaved a slow breath, when Edward's expression suddenly altered To The blank cold menace, and I watched his hands ball into Two Tight fists at his sides. When I Turned The air caught in my Throat as I saw Emmett already fixed in an offensive crouch. . . "Sam . . . _what are you doing here?_"


	19. GOING, GOING, GONE

NINETEEN:

GOING, GOING, GONE

His nose wrinkled and his expression Twisted with disgust as he stared down Emmett, and Edward, who had also come forward To serve as Emmett's right flank. "I heard some commotion back There", he began in his usual bored Tone, cocking his head in The direction of The house, "Thought you", he paused, "some assistance might have been required." Edward scoffed, a twisted smile forming across his face. "She doesn't need _your assistance . . . _None of us do." I breathed in a slow, uneasy breath . . . "No. It was nothing . . . really", I managed amidst my haze.

His eye brows furrowed Together. "I see." He seemed To hesitate before his lips actually fell into motion again. "So are we still on for Tonight or what?" I had To bite down on The inside of my bottom lip To repress The smile That beckoned in The moment . . . "Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't we be?" Edward shook his head Turning so That his back was facing Sam, and Emmett reluctantly forced himself out of The menacing stance.

Edward glared. "Are we done here?" I rolled my eyes. "No . . . but you guys are." Edward was readying himself To engage in The argument That could be before his jaw muscles Tightened, making his face look similar To That of a life size wax figure's . . . "Come on, let's leave her be for a few", he said in between gritted Teeth To Emmett, who's arms were stiff at his sides. Emmett glanced at me appearing unusually averse . . . "We'll meet you in Ten – _That's all_", he shot Sam another one of his hostile glares, "For now anyways", he grumbled under a breath. I nodded. "I won't be long . . . I promise." With My confirming words They Turned and both broke away To The west, opposite of where Sam stood motionless . . . _waiting_.

We were walking along The Trail when he first Shot me a sideways glance. It Took some Time for me To find words That made sense and were also The Trigger needed To initiate an actual conversation . . . "So . . . aren't you Technically braking The Treaty right now . . . by being on This side I mean?" He grinned, and I could see The contrast between his pearly white Teeth and his olive skin Tone. "Not for me its not. I'm . . . The boss sort of", he finally finished and I burst into laughter. "Yeah, and Then They say I'm conceded", I managed in between amused giggles." He looked over at me, shaking his head. "No you knucklehead I mean", he paused . . . "I'm The pack's leader . . . Their chief." The last words were slurred and compressed into a mumble - like he was ashamed.

My own entertained smirk faded . . . "So . . . _Chief Samuel _Then?" He grunted. "Wasn't Exactly my choice, but yeah." My eyes strayed from his To The dirt path beneath us. "Well if you don't want it, Then why do you have To . . . why not just disappear somewhere?" He went To speak but stopped himself, shaking his head again, and I could see his form slightly quiver . . . "It's not something you can runaway from Erin. It's something you're born into . . . I wasn't supposed To be This, carrying This burden."

I Tried To Think of The right words That could be said, when I realized instantaneously That There were none. He sighed, The breath That he Took in heavy and strained . . . "Soon enough it'll be over Though . . . when The one whose place I am holding finally phases. And me, I'll gladly give This all up." It was only Then That I looked back To him. "Someone else's place . . . Who?" He let out a humorless laugh. "Didn't anyone ever Tell you That curiosity killed The cat?" I glared at him. "Didn't anyone ever Tell you That was just another bullshit metaphor for another bullshit generation?"

He sighed, stopping in place just a few feet shy of The clearing . . . "Jacob Black . . . Ephraim Black's grandson." "Wait – who?" He grinned. "I'm sure we can designate another day for story Time Erin." I could already here The sound of footsteps crossing along The wooden deck and in another heartbeat, Carlisle was standing on The other side of The meadow . . . I looked back To Sam. "This isn't over chief. You owe me a hell of a story." He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we'll sit around The camp fire with our marshmallows and chocolate bars", he responded with heavy sarcasm. I coiled . . . "I'm holding you Too That Samuel . . . minus The chocolate bars and marshmallows anyways." Just in midair, I heard The sound of his gruff laugh.

. . .

Carlisle's arm was curled around my waist as we walked up The slope of green. "She was out of line", he said in a faint Tone. I shrugged as I bit down on The inside of my mouth . . . "It's not like I wasn't", I responded, The words strung Together but barely holding Their own. He squeezed my side gently. "Please do nor begin To blame yourself for something that was out of your hands To begin with Erin", he only replied as we stepped Through The back doors into The kitchen. In a single Twist, I was seated on Top of The counter Top and his hands were planted on either side of me.

As The wrath of his burning gaze zoned in on me, I mine as well have been ashes beneath his feet. "You did brilliantly", he said in a low strain, his lips were only a half of an inch away from my own . . . "If anything you were The night's entertainment", he smiled sheepishly, "They were all certainly Ecstatic To see The wonders of your gift in action . . . especially Elezar." My eyes broke away from his as The embarrassing reality sunk in. I swallowed . . . "Where are They now?" He laughed lightly, "They wanted To make sure Esme made it safely Back out of Town." I rolled my eyes. "_So They wanted To make sure she was out of reach_."

His fingertips Trailed up my right arm until They rested on my collarbone. "Emmett said Sam Uley was apparently spying on us Tonight." I frowned. "No he wasn't." I shook my head, "Jesus . . . such an instigator." He brought his hands up To cup my face. "He was merely only commenting my love . . . you know how obnoxious Emmett can be at Times. I am actually grateful for his attentiveness regardless of his means . . . I couldn't bare it if anything ever happened To you." "Well, considering The fact That I'm a Ticking Time bomb, I guess There's no room for The argument." He smiled. "I'm sure you'll grow up one day." I raised an eyebrow, "Or will I?" He pressed his forehead To mine . . . "In The End it will never really matter."

The sound of someone clearing Their Throat caused us both To separate. Elezar smiled sheepishly, "I do apologize." Carlisle chuckled. "Not To worry." He sighed, "I did not expect you all back so soon." Elezar nodded, "It seems Tanya and Kate have convinced Esme To spend some Time with us back in Denali. Carmen is not at all pleased given her actions but . . ."

Carlisle gave him a curt nod, "I understand." Elezar sighed before he directed his attention To me. "You are something Else my dear." I smiled weakly. "Yeah, I get That allot." "And, just for future references", he went on, "_Candle wax, fire, designer furniture, and wood floors _don't Tend To suit each other in The same room." I had To look away for a second To Try and rid myself of The shame before facing him again. "But it always adds a spontaneous edge." He smirked. "_A spontaneous edge with spontaneous cost_, I suppose it's The perfect combination Then." Carlisle chuckled faintly, "Hopefully next Time The get Together will be much less eventful." Elezar quirked an eyebrow, "And when has it been uneventful again?" Carlisle sighed, "Can I not simply imagine it at least?" "Dream away", Elezar replied, mocking.

When The sound of an engine and voices – Alice and Rosalie exchanging giggles - came into hearing range Elezar sighed. "I suppose I should be going . . . The others are waiting for me." Carlisle sighed in response . . . "Next Time we will have To return The visit." He smiled, glancing at me. "I hope you like The gifts, Carlisle Told us you weren't fond of people splurging on you so we did our best not To over do it." I huffed, "It's not a big deal." He nodded, "Soon enough Then Carlisle."

"Ok, so when you get pissed its Totally awesome", Alice said as she entered The living room. As I analyzed The mess That surrounded us, I couldn't help but duck my head down. "Its not funny Alice", I mumbled. She giggled, "Oh but it so is." Rosalie dropped her purse on The small gift crowded Table That had remained surprisingly unscarred. "I second That", she added all The humor one could stand in her Tone.

Edward suddenly appeared leaning casually against one of The walls before he immediately straightened back up, grimacing as he saw The smeared wax on his shirt sleeve. He sighed . . . "Are you alright?" He asked. I felt The air suffocating me again . . . "I'm fine", I said with a sheepish half smile. Emmett appeared, looking nervously my way and, before another word was able To be exchanged, Carlisle was standing beside me. His casual appearance would have fooled no one . . . He Took my hand in his - Trying To focus only on me – but it bluntly obvious – _his mind was with someone else. _Emmett moved pass Edward – obviously ready and waiting for The possible interception That might be needed.

I could see Carlisle's pupils slowly dilating as The first hint of burgundy colored Them . . . "Perhaps since The night has come To such an early close Sam would not mind joining us here instead." "_What?_" Edward dared To protest and my whole body was locked in place. Carlisle redirected his nearly murderous gaze . . . "I did not stutter did I?" Edward began To move forward and in The same Emmett was blocking his path. He laughed but The sound was grim and lifeless . . . "That Thing . . . is not coming anywhere near here", he said in a low rasp. I quickly moved To stand in front of Carlisle. "Carlisle I'm sure Sam wouldn't want it so crowded – That's why he wanted To meet at The line." He stared down pouring his livid gaze into mine . . . "I'm sure he was just being polite . . . We haven't The need To be rude." He looked away from me again . . . "_Anyone who has a problem with That can leave_."

I could feel Edward's own cold stare without ever having To see it. I heard another cynical laugh . . . "Do what you want. Maybe we can invite Them all over sometime for a barbeque . . . _I'm not going anywhere_." I placed a hand on Carlisle's chest and flinched as I felt a growl rumble within him . . . "Let's just go its not even worth it, _he's not going To want To come_." He sighed, smiling down at me. His eyes were drizzling honey again . . . "Well I suppose That is a decision for him To make." Jasper suddenly appeared beside us hugging me from behind. "And we will clean up incase he does in fact decide To pay us a visit." Carlisle nodded. "Thank you Jazz, we would appreciate That very much." Jasper smirked down at me. "So off you Two love birds go Then."

. . .

We were at The line. It was only a quarter pass eleven and now it dawned on me; _I should have asked werewolf's number_. "We agreed on one so we could be waiting hours . . . just so you know", I informed wearily; _Exhausting_ seemed like an unworthy description for This night. He released my hand and began To move forward. I winced at The realization That _My Carlisle_ was now walking all over _My Allen_ and - Just a few feet away- was The ghost of my second - _more intentional_ – slip. "Not To worry my love I know how To reach him." He Took one Timid step forward. Followed by another . . . and another . . . Then – just as his foot Elevated – I swear my heart pumped in resuscitation just before dying again . . .

The gangly wolf was as dark as night and in his eyes There was The warning. But That's not what had shocked me back To life for The entire duration of a half second. It was The Threatening snarl That Exposed The Two rows of Razor Tip Teeth. Carlisle backed away slowly as The oversized wolf sauntered forward from amidst The packs of shrubbery . . . "Thank you for coming", Carlisle said – _so serenely._ I never even noticed when we were finally side by side again, still awed and – _completely blown away_ – by The mesmerizing wolf . . . _on steroids maybe_.

"Hey Sam", I barely managed. The dark wolf began To wander in my direction dragging one gigantic paw after another. Each swift step he Took left a deep print in The moist earth. When we were finally face To face or – Toe To Toe Technically – The menacing snarl disappeared and His Tongue fell, dangling outside of his mouth; He must have found The image of me beyond hysterical at The moment and I couldn't even blame him. He bowed his head so That we were at eye level . . . "So am I supposed To give you a Treat or something now?" He narrowed his eyes and shook his head. I laughed at The awkward movement before he straightened back up and strolled pass me. Carlisle curled an arm around my waist. "He will be back shortly love."

A minute or so passed before The Sam Uley I knew made his entrance. "Was That Intimidation I detected?" He asked with a smug grin. I scoffed, "Yeah maybe in That deluded mind of yours old man." He nodded. "Yeah, _I'm The deluded one_." For a moment There was That familiar awkward silence . . . "So", I began. "You're . . . really big when you're . . . a wolf." He rolled his eyes. "Well what were you expecting, Lassie?" "No just maybe something more like . . . Cujo on steroids?" He shook his head. Carlisle cleared his Throat Then. "Well Sam, I don't know if This idea will appeal To you at all but We were wondering if you might consider visiting Erin back at The house." In The same ending of his suggestion Sam's expression Twisted with repulsion. "_Deep in The den of leeches_ . . . I Think I'm going To have To pass on That one Doc." I sighed, "I Told you so sir", I sung smugly.

Carlisle smiled – _a half hearted smile. _"Well it was only a suggestion . . ." Sam smirked running a hand over his mouth. "Yeah, all apologies Doc, I uh . . . actually had other plans in mind . . . I Thought maybe Erin and I could make it To First Beach Together." I Think at That moment I could've gagged if I hadn't been so worried about offending either of The men That stood before me . . . "And cross your holy line?" I followed instead. Sam grinned. "I'm The boss remember?" Through peripheral vision I could see Carlisle's jaw line go rigid . . . " I don't Think That's a good idea Sam but I certainly wouldn't mind you Two remaining alone so long as it is within our side." I huffed. "Excuse me _parents _but don't I get a say in This", I interrupted and in The same second The Two pairs of eyes both fell on me I instantly regretted ever opening my _big_, _problematic_ mouth.

"I mean . . . it is my Birthday." Carlisle's expression suddenly became weary. "Erin it isn't safe." I bit The inside of my bottom lip Trying To Think before I spoke but That was a lost cause right at The finish of his words . . . "More like you don't Trust me." "Erin please, you know" – "Ok lets just everybody relax", Sam suddenly cut us The argument in progress off, "How about we make a deal here." He Turned To face Carlisle. "So Doc, Tonight I head To your layer and Tomorrow she heads To mine." Carlisle forced a dry laugh Then. "Tomorrow – what makes you Think There will be a Tomorrow." Sam rolled his eyes. "Well The fact That leeches are immortal definitely played a big part in The Thought process." The Tension could have been cut with just The mere press of a fingertip.

"She has school Tomorrow", he answered icily. I shook my head completely disgusted now. "So we can meet up later on Then . . ._You're Not my dad you're my boyfriend_." And - as soon as The words left my mouth - I wanted To dissolve . . . dissolve right down To hell . . . "Erin", he said his Tone as firm as concrete . . . "There are lines made for a reason . . . literally incase you have yet To grasp That fact. Sam sighed. "It's a fair compromise Doc and . . . I can promise" – "_You can promise nothing!_" he exclaimed, his voice a cold rasp. Sam glared. "Look blood sucker, how about we Take it down a notch, There's a lady present _incase you have yet To grasp That fact_." Carlisle pursed his lips . . . "She's not going." I huffed, "_Yes I am_." He redirected his murderous gaze To me . . . "You no longer have a say in This." My jaws locked in place and It felt as Though They would soon become immobile . . . "Well Then I'm leaving", I Turned my back To him just as my eyes began To sting . . . "I'm leaving and I'm never coming back." Sam came around To stand in front of me Then, both of his hands up. "Alright . . . let's Take it easy." "_Oh what_", I snapped, "_now you're back on my father slash boyfriend's side?_" He rolled his eyes. "No – obviously I'm on your side here, but Don't you Think you're going a little overboard?" "_No – I'm not!"_

He sighed . . . "Ok Then . . . you can stay on The reservation with me until you've Thought Things over." Carlisle was subsequently in front of me in The same instant. "Erin please . . . _I'm sorry_." I wanted To drop it Then and There . . . I wanted To say _I was sorry _. . . I wanted To Stop, pause, and rewind . . . But it never works That way . . . _not with an ego The size of mine . . . _I shook my head looking away from him. "I'm sorry Too . . . but I just need some Time and . . . I need you To accept That Carlisle." He Took an unsteady step backwards . . . "Its fine Then." His hands were rock solid fists at his side as he looked over at Sam . . . "If anything goes wrong" – "She'll be fine", he assured in a more modest Tone now. He looked back To me and – _as impossible as it should have been _– I felt my legs go weak underneath me. "I'll leave first . . . To make it easier for you, right?"

I never answered . . .

**OK, so I just want To say - once again -Thank you all so much for The support. The "Favorite Stories List" Adds, all The subscribers, and of course The reviewers, Especially you Isabel Southwell :D. So here we are, Another week, Another Chapter *_* And, please guys - I can't Stress it enough -The More Reviews The Better. I love To hear all of my readers opinions *_***


	20. DISTANCE

TWENTY:

DISTANCE

Sam wasn't kidding; _he definitely had plans of his own. _Just seconds ago we passed The official border on The main road. The aqua blue and black Mustang GT we rode in wasn't used on The regular; it was in mint condition and The sweet scent of new car was still detectable. I let The air I'd been retaining for at least a good half of an hour slowly go. It was The first Time since my death That I had noticed The lack of blood flow; As a human There was no place for me in This world, and now – _as a vampire_ – There was nothing new . . . "This is new, huh?" I asked. My voice was slightly uneven, and I cursed myself internally as my words broke at Their end . . .

Sam chuckled. "Just got it last year but The only place its seen since is my front yard . . . up until Tonight, anyways . . . I spend most of my days in form so . . . just Thought I'd change it up Tonight." I nodded numbly. It was hard To feel here. "Cool, cool", I responded. I watched as The first image of ocean came into view. The moon was pale, causing The spread of ocean To gleam. There was a low Tide and it wasn't long before There came The heavy Thudding of paws matting against moist soil. As The road ahead of us began To bend, low uneasy growls became audible . . . _They were close enough_.

Through peripheral vision I could see Sam shoot a weary gaze my way . . . "Its okay. They're like That with all new comers." I forced a faint laugh. "You mean _all new leeches_." There was The silence again . . . "It . . . It'll be alright . . . They don't have a choice anyways."

In a humble cabin, hidden amongst The Quileute reservation, surrounded by The maze of Evergreen and The usual dull atmosphere of Forks, resides The wolf known as Sam Uley. . . . Leaned against The hood of his car, I Took in The image of my new residence . . . Sam came To stand beside me. "Yeah . . . This is my place." I huffed . . . "I have To admit old man, you clean up pretty good." He smiled. "I know it's not exactly what you're use To, but I can only Try." I rolled my eyes. "You know before I became a walking Talking corpse, my daily life was a lot more modest Than you could begin To imagine sir." He nodded . . . "So I know you don't have any clothes but I use To care after my kid sister for a while and she has a spare closet here, looks like you guys might be The same size." I flashed him another weak smile. "Cool, cool . . ."

This place could be The perfect getaway . . . if you forget The entire pack of werewolves who despises your kind lurking in The shadows. We were in Sam's sister's old room. I was seated at The edge of The Twin size bed. For a moment any physical movement was out of The question until I noticed Sam looking down at me. He quirked an eyebrow . . . "You're really into keeping up The human charade, huh?" I blinked, "Sorry what?" He chuckled, "You all don't sleep right, so you must be really into The whole pretending game." I sighed . . . "Well, being as I've always been a general screw up even before This life, if you'll believe it sir I actually do sleep." I watched his expression slowly alter, confusion reading all over it. "But . . . how?" I shrugged . . . "Go figure."

I stared intently at him. "No hound patrol Tonight?" He laughed weakly. "I had reserved Tonight for a certain Hot Tempered leech." I gasped, feigning shock, "Why sir, cheating on me already?" He shook his head, "I have more delusional children To babysit Tonight. . ." "Ha!" I exclaimed, "Listen _sir_, I'm a bad ass motherfucker killer who has no boundaries." He eyed me skeptically, "Who is afraid of _my pack_ That _I run_." I scoffed, "Afraid of hurting _Their feelings_ with _my intimidating presence_." He pursed his lips . . . "Yeah."

"So", he said as he came To Take a seat beside me. There was only a small gap between us now. I Think it was The closest we'd been To each other Thus far . . . "I don't know if This is out of line but . . . do you miss him yet?" I could almost gag . . . "Yes." I Turned To meet his weary eyes. In Them There was The wisdom of infinite ages despite The fact That The man before me was only barely into his Twenties. "But it has To be This way . . . he has To learn To let me go sometimes." I sighed . . . "I know This seems like a pretty bitchy Thing To do . . ." Sam huffed running a hand Through his short crop of hair. "Well I don't Think so." His eyes fell on me . . . "I Think no matter what happens between you guys, you did The right Thing." I felt weak inside just at The sight of him. I wanted so desperately To stop This now . . . But his light hazel eyes held mine, just locked. I swallowed. . . "Will You stay with me Tonight?" I whispered The question. He nodded. "Yeah. . . . of course."

. . .

The sound of setting is awfully silent . . . "So when did you actually phase?" I asked. We were laying side by side in The much grander bed located in his room; We'd vacated Their after I'd noticed his posture begin To grow stiff from sitting in The same position for Too long. "Hmm . . . about six days after my sixteenth birthday. It always starts with The fever Though." My eye lids were beginning To flutter and I knew I didn't have much Time left before I fell into unconsciousness. He chuckled, "Falling asleep are we?" I sighed, opening my eyes. "No . . . _maybe_." His eyes never left me – _They hadn't left me for a while now_ and - Though I'd been pretending Not To notice - it was really beginning To psyche me Out.

He reached behind him for The lamp on The nightstand, "Don't worry, I'll protect you." . . . I could see right Through The empty, humid night . . . could make out every crack engraved In The wood ceiling above us . . . could hear Sam's heart beats, running in a faultless up beat Rhythm. I hesitated, arguing with myself . . . "What's wrong?" I finally gave in . . . "Nothing is wrong." I rolled my eyes. "Did you forget I can hear everything you can Too sir . . . That would include your _unsteady_ heartbeat." "Do you want The Truth or would you prefer The lie instead?" The really sad factor is – For a moment – I actually Took The question into consideration . . . "I'll be able To Tell when you're lying anyways . . . your pulse will accelerate, followed by your breathing rate." From The corner of my eye, I could make out The crooked smile That formed on his expression . . . "Honestly . . . you make me nervous."

I breathed in a slow strained breath . . . "And why is That?" He adjusted one of his arms To support The back of his head. "I don't know", he answered simply. I flipped onto my stomach, holding myself up with my elbows. "Do you Think it's a bad Thing?" He seemed To put allot of Thought into The question . . . "I don't know." I nodded – Trying not To appear as insulted as I felt. "Well . . . I'm not bad . . . I Think." He scoffed, "_Very convincing_." I grounded my Teeth Together before I adjusted myself onto my side and let my head fall against his upper arm. There was a howl That sounded off from a distance away Then and I wrapped my arms around his, clinging with one hand onto The fabric his white T-shirt's sleeve.

He sighed, planting a hand on my back . . . "Sometimes They don't realize how loud They are . . . probably roughhousing around like always", he said The last words in a sickened Tone . . . "Jesus Erin, You're like an iceberg." I lifted my head slightly . . . _That's right. _I'd forgotten how cold I must have felt To him. It was hard To remember given how warm he was. I glared up at him. "Well you smell like a wet dog old man, and . . . _you're like The sun_." He rolled his eyes. "Obviously it isn't bothering you That much . . . _since you're all up on me and all_", He said, sounding _seriously conceded. _

For some reason, it was at This moment That it all hit me in one slow released shot . . . Sam was a suitable, more Than welcoming host, but I shouldn't be here. My mind wandered back To my Carlisle now . . .How was he doing? _Had he finally realized The mistake I was now? _If he had, I knew only one Thing for certain; _I could never blame him now . . . _Sam used his free hand To run a hand Through my hair, he gently lowered my head back onto his shoulder . . . "You should sleep now . . . little _blood sucker_." I swallowed down The bitter venom, grimacing at The Taste of it . . . "Will you be here when I wake up?" I asked in half mumbled words. "Most likely", he replied casually . . . "But I'll wake you if I have To go for anything." I heaved a sigh and surrendered, letting my eyelids slip.

. . .

I woke up with my face pressed into white cotton sheets. My hand was plopped on The Top of a pillow. "Sam", I murmured as I sat up. _Where was he?_ "Sam", I called wearily. I wasn't sure why, but I was abruptly panic stricken and I was sure if it were possible, my heart would be hammering lividly. I felt even more lost Than I had last night . . . even more alone. I bolted out of bed making my way out of The room. The morning light greeted me in The hallway and it was only one more inconvenience To deal with. "_Sam!_"

Just as I crossed Through The living room slash kitchen and pushed open The screen door, I halted at The Top of The porch steps, Taking in The dark wolf again . . . I walked along The wooden deck, leaning over The railing where he stood – w_aiting on all fours._ . . . "Good morning", I greeted him. He scuffed in response bowing his head down. I was reluctant. _Very reluctant_ as I outstretched my hand, running my fingers Through The silky smooth fur . . . A low, _content_ sounding growl emitted from him, causing a single vibration To run Through his form. I could feel it, like a wave of electricity brushing against my fingertips . . . After some Time he straightened back up and strayed away, disappearing into The green, unearthly planet of overgrown spruces . . .

"You're up Early", he said just as he came up The porch steps. I smiled another forced faltered smile. "I could pass for an insomniac, huh?" He smiled sheepishly in return. "Or maybe it's just a healthy balance, you know, like between human and corpse." I rolled my eyes. "_Says The werewolf_." He grinned shaking his head. "Isn't it a little Early To start with all The shit Talk?" I feigned a shocked gasp. "_Too early for shit Talk? Why sir, how you are so naïve and free of all corruption._" He chuckled, leaning back against The railing. "So how did you sleep?" "Pretty descent", I responded. I used my peripheral vision To scan some of The maze around us . . . "Are They listening?" I finally asked. He coked his head To The side. "I doubt it. After Last night They all sort of decided To Tune out", he casually replied, a smile Threatening at The corners of his mouth.

I huffed, "I bet They're like dying To swallow me whole." He shrugged. "No I don't Think so . . . They mostly only want to rip you To shreds." I laughed humorlessly, "Yeah . . . That's better." He pushed himself away from The railing and I followed him inside To The safe haven of The warm, _safe_, cozy cabin.

He let himself fall back onto The sofa centered in The living area and I Took a seat in The same beside him . . . "So what about That gift of yours, you ever going To Treat me To a live demo?" I swallowed . . . "That probably wouldn't be such a good idea . . . I'm already destructive enough all on my own as it is." He frowned. "I don't believe That." I shook my head. "Of course you don't, you haven't seen The soulless leech in action yet." He was only all but beaming at me now. "No I haven't, but I'll bet it's a wonder . . ." I sighed, biting down on my bottom lip and in The same moment I pushed one intense vibration Through out The entire proximity of The cabin . . .

I heard metal crash behind us and immediately Tensed . . . I stood up and looked Towards The kitchen where There were Three multi-sized frying pans on The floor beside The counter. I sighed . . . "Told you", I said the words low and lifeless. But when I looked Back at him The expression he wore sickened me. It was just like Carlisle's had been The day we discovered my curse; _simply awed_.

"Erin That's just . . . The most amazing . . ." I huffed, "Ok seriously – _Am I really The only normal one in This supernatural world?_" He stood, and I watched his chest muscles flex as he Took in a breath . . . "You are not destructive. It's not your fault . . . you weren't looking To become what you are Erin." I let The words he'd just spoken sink in . . . "Is That how you see me?" I questioned. "Well Then what about Carlisle . . . Edward – _my entire family? _None of Them chose This life either . . . so what makes me so different?"

It Took a while before he even moved again. Eventually, however, he Took a step forward eliminating The space That separated us . . . His fingers curled around mine . . . "Because I know you're different", he paused – likely To search for The source of his words . . . "I've never looked Twice at your kind. But with you – when I first saw you . . . I couldn't hate you . . . its all been so easy." . . . I felt The air as it rushed from my lungs; _This is what Edward must have meant That night. _And – here I was . . . fueling The fire in The very pit of a whole, brand spanking new mess again . . .

His eyes were like fire as The sunlight struck Through Them, and – I didn't have so much as The Thought of a doubt – with Time They could burn right Through me . . . just like it really was That _easy_. _Very carefully,_ I slipped my hand away from his. "Don't do This . . . _please_ _Sam_", I responded in a low strained plea. He smiled, but The gesture in itself was weakened. "I'm sorry", he whispered, "I just need you To know . . . Erin what I am . . . it has nothing To do with how I feel. I love you and" – "_And Nothing_", I cut him off . . . "Sam I appreciate having you . . . here . . . now_ – you're everything I've needed_ . . . you're The one person I know will never change . . . you're my friend – _we are friends_", I stressed . . . " I don't want _This_ To get complicated Too." . . .

"Then it won't be", he mumbled in such a delicate manner it still hurt all The same . . . "I promise", he said, and – at The finish of his words - There was an ear piercing howl. Sam's hands were instantly pressed against my ears. "You have To stay here, I'll be back!" he shouted, as if I would actually struggle To hear his instructions otherwise. His hands fell away from my ears and it seemed he was moving at The speed of sound as he bolted out The door, The screen door dragging itself shut behind him. "Is everything okay?" I asked. "I don't know", I caught his response just before There came The sound of denim shredding.

. . .

I Thought Time with myself was not a privilege I would have To suffer Through here. As usual – _I was wrong . . . _From The doorway of The guest room, I stared at The cell phone That I had conveniently shunned away To The nightstand first chance I'd gotten. This door was one I would always rather leave shut. But logically, shutting This door would also mean shutting _0ur _Door . . . I snatched The phone up and made sure To drag out every step on my way back To The living room . . .

Three missed calls and one Text message . . . "Another mess . . . _you're_ _a destroyer_", I whispered faintly . . .

_My love,_

_Please come home When you are ready. I will love you always_.

And _– Deep_ _Within The wolves den-_ misery hit like The coldest concrete stab, on a night When the world was made of dry, chipped ice . . . I hit the _send_ button while I searched numbly for The right words or – _any words_. But after one Too brief ring, I was listening To The mechanical greeting of his voice mail. I folded The phone shut, Throwing it aside on The sofa . . . "Of course." I was readying myself for The mental crash That was To come when The loud Thudding footsteps forced my mind out of its shock mode. When Sam came Through The door, I didn't like The look on his face. It was bitter and repulsed; _it was Too unmistakable . . . _

"Sam what's wrong?" He laughed a grim, humorless laugh. His hands were balled into Tightly wound fists and, despite his olive complexion, his knuckles were pale . . . "I need you To come with me", he finally answered. His Tone was low but still held a somber edge That played into The words. I swallowed, "Why?" His Teeth grounded Together before he brought his head up To face me . . . "Because your precious leech is at The line Threatening To break The Treaty and I'd hate To see you hurt after he's nothing but bits on My ground", he responded, The words casual and bitter all in one. His body shuddered and I watched his fists – _Trembling -_ almost like he was set To self destruct at any given second . . .

I nodded unconsciously, beginning To feel fainter Than The air around us, when Sam was suddenly beside me . . . " You don't have To leave Erin", he whispered against my ear. I sighed miserably, "Sam" – "We're not exactly The perfect fit but . . . You could be happy here . . . I would make sure you never have To regret anything ever again." In That moment I felt my legs give in and I let myself fall back onto The sofa. Sam kneeled down To meet me. "Erin what's wrong . . . _what's The matter?_" he asked in an anxious plea. His arms wrapped around my waste pulling me closer and I involuntarily slumped forward, my head resting on one of his shoulders . . . "I don't know what's right anymore", I managed in a whisper, "I don't know if I'm right . . . I don't want To lose you" – "You're not going To lose me", he interrupted mid sentence again. "I'm right here Erin. I'll always be here – with you - no matter what . . ."

His words were like daggers. Each one made its impact with a stinging pierce. All of Them Together were cornering me, blocking off every angle of escape from This new burden I had inflicted on The both of us . . . I brought my head up slowly, keeping one palm pressed against his chest for balance. "I love him Sam . . . _he's everything_. So please . . . don't make me chose." . . . It was written all over his face; _all The words That he would never say_ . . . The conversation we would never have The chance To share . . . "Figures", he only replied with a half hearted smile. His eyes burned into mine again . . . "Am I ever going To see you again?" "Anytime . . . anywhere", I whispered. Then his arms unraveled Themselves from around me . . . "I'll get The car", he murmured, before rising back up To his feet.

. . .

The Ride over To The line was quiet and . . . The Time flew as Though we had Traveled in light years rather Than The usual, Endless Time of This limited earth . . . The mustang halted Just behind Two gangly wolves. One was a streaked gray and The other was a lighter sand color. Both of The beasts were on edge; This was evident by Their defensive stances – The way The hackles stood on end within Their Thick coats- and – The dead giveaway – Their pearly white Teeth That showed whenever Their jaws flexed. Clearly This was Their method of forewarning The willing angel That stood, fearless and unmoving before Them . . .

In The same instant That The vulgar scene in front of me fully processed, I was out of The car. Sam followed beside me as I made my way along The slanted road. "Back down . . . _ now_", Sam ordered in a dry stern, and in The same command The Two wolves cleared The way ahead, each strutting in opposite directions. The gray streaked one seemed The most reluctant; judging solely by The glare it had given me as it strode pass Sam and I. Sam Took my hand in his pulling me To his other side, "_Leave now Leah_", he emphasized again, more icily This Time. I heard The apparent female's subtle growl behind us and I wondered if I was more envied Then hated by This particular pack member.

We came To a stop a few yards from where he stood leaned casually against The black Mercedes. Sam smirked moving To stand in front of me. This act was clearly only To further heat Things up. I frowned. "_Right,_ because This all just isn't awkward enough as is", I said under a Breath. He quirked an eyebrow, "Am I not allowed To share a good old, _one on one_ good bye with _my friend_?" I shook my head, rolling my eyes. "Maybe . . . for as long as it Takes for The shit To hit The fan anyway, and in This world", I said, shooting a discreet glance Carlisle's way, "It doesn't Take very long." He shrugged. "When The shit hits The fan its always more entertaining anyway." He sighed . . . "I'll see you . . . soon." I nodded, forcing a crooked smile, "And I'll have many more as of yet unanswered questions for you Then."

I'll see you on The other side old man." He nodded . . . "Go make up with Doctor Bloodsucker now . . . since you missed him _so much_." I sighed, "Yeah, _so you're a definite spot blower_." A whimper came from close by and Sam Turned, _glaring at Air_ forever, before Turning back To face me. "Yeah, guess I better head out before Things get anymore . . . _complicated_." I nodded, "Samuel." He heaved an exasperated sigh . . . "_Erin_." I bit The inside of my bottom lip as I realized This _one on one goodbye _could never last. _I would have To deal with my consequences eventually_. Sam cleared His Throat . . . "I Think This is The part where one of us walks away . . . I'll do The honors." . . . it was like watching an Eclipse in action . . . I was watching as The darkness slowly consumed my sun . . . _My Sam_.

. . .

I was on The very edge of The line. It was invisible and seemingly non-existent, but I felt as Though I was readying To dive head first into The very depths of hell . . . He sighed coming forward To meet me. "You know eventually something has To give my love." He reached for my hand and – in one placid Tug - I was in his cool – _secure_- embrace . . . I shut my eyes burying my face against his firm – _familiar_ – chest. And here, I understood all of The world's illogical logic. I understood The inanity of The selfish act I had committed . . . "I missed you", I whispered, my Tone faint, The words half shattered . . . The feel of his velvet lips as They pressed into my head of hair was The most relieving sensation . . . "Did he hurt you?" "_No_", I quickly responded. His fingertips swirled soothing circles on my back and I gripped onto his coat . . . "_I won't do it again_", I strained. He pulled my face away from his chest, keeping a hand underneath my chin so I was forced To face him . . . forced To face The end result of my selfish streak . . .

"I was worried sick . . . _do you understand That?_" I nodded weakly . . . He sighed. "What am I going To do with you . . ." "I'm sorry", I managed The simple, unfitting words. He nodded once, seeming To fall into his own Thoughts Then . . . "Yes, you are", he murmured, _so casually it scared me _. . . He caressed my cheek with his forefinger. Then he crushed his lips against mine, and my Tongue instinctively welcomed his . . . His soft lips pecked against mine once more before he pulled away and I was locked in his heavy gaze. . . "I've missed you very much as well my love", he whispered against my lips.

. . .

**OK guys, really sorry about The delay of This chapter But once again my schedule can get very crazy -_- ... anyways I hope you guys enjoy, chapter 21 Should be up and ready by sometime Next week so stick around *_***


	21. TRADING SACRIFICES

TWENTY-ONE:

TRADING SACRIFICES

The empty garage was not so welcoming but in its own way brought certain relief. I was not ready ready To face The rest of my family just yet . . . "Where is everyone?" He smiled . . . "Alice favored a Trip To Italy and well... she also Thought we could use The Time To ourselves." I nodded numbly while in The same instant The first dreaded doubt brought itself about To Torment my already battered mind: Was This _Time To ourselves _simply another common courtesy from my siblings, or was it They Themselves That craved The distance?

Inside Carlisle was just sliding The sleeves of my coat away when Edward appeared at The bottom foot of The stairs just across from us. I smiled a weak, most awkward smile. "Italy didn't appeal at all?" He grinned, quirking an eyebrow. "Italy is old", he shot a sideways glance at Carlisle, "and Tired . . . one day I'm sure you will feel The same. But enough about me", he went on smugly, "How was your canine slumber Party?"

I felt Carlisle go rigid before he moved To stand between us . . . "Don't you have somewhere To be?" he asked, The words solely cold and coated with what felt like one Too many lifetimes of resentment. I could make out Edward's jaw muscle Tense despite The humored expression he displayed in response. "I'll see you two love birds later Then won't I", he responded moving around us and out The door in one easy swift. Carlisle Turned back To face me shortly after his Exit . . . "All except _him_ of course." His gaze was dark and lifeless as it came To settle on me. He caressed my wrist in his hand . . . "I have a surprise for you."

. . .

Facing his office door I could never bring myself To look at him until he cleared his Throat just as his hand fell on The handle before he looked back To me . . . "I can promise it was nearly costless and . . . you will love it", he finished, with another sickeningly warm smile . . . The Study Still held all of Its same displays of The Endless Eras. Nothing seemed To pop out of The norm until The slight spec of light caught my eye coming from a large box wrapped in a glossy Aqua blue. I sighed . . . "You make me sick you know That", I mumbled more so unconsciously Then. "I'm supposed To be begging you To Take me back and you're welcoming me with open arms and gifts - _really?_"

He rolled his eyes. "Maybe so . . . nut a grudge against you would never amount To more Than wasted Time piling away." I managed To Take in a slow breath only with The conclusion That - whether or not he ever actually admitted To The fact - he had To have been a Total martyr back in his day. And as I stood before my undeserved gift, I hesitated before ripping away The wrap That revealed The solid light brown of The cardboard box, and after another brief hesitation I pulled The Two Top ends apart only To find myself staring down at a small cubed emerald green case . . . Yes, of course I would love This one gift - _I had To Love it_ . . . _because I knew good and well That I did undoubtedly deserve It_ . . .

Reluctantly I brought it up only To set it down on The edge of his desk . . . "Won't you open it at least?" I could hear his voice, now fading, his words only echoes Transmitting from somewhere - _likely another space of Time. _One where This was just a nightmare and I could at least hold on to The comforting Thought That eventually, at some point during This mad scene, I would wake up . . . As I watched him - _watching me_ - _down on one knee_ , I could feel my legs giving in beneath me To The weight of myself That Threatened To bring me down . . .

"I'll only ask once . . . This I can promise", The echo of my relentless angel's whisper came again. "In my Time I would have never stood a chance with you . . . would have been The most fortunate To even have The chance To admire you from a distance. But luckily This is not Then and we are here now so", he got To his feet and his gaze could burn its wrenching blaze straight Through mine . . . he sighed . . . "Erin Gallagher, will you do me The Extraordinary honor of marrying me?" . . .

I winced at The finish of his words with The foolish hope That he had Not Noticed before bringing my hand up to rest on his collar bone . . . "Is This really what you Want?" He smiled crookedly. "More Than anything", he spoke The words in a soft murmur. I Took in a breath . . . "I'm Not suppose To have you", I whispered, The words heavy and barely manageable . . . "You'll grow Tired one day you know, and Then . . . I'll just be The one regret you'll carry forever . . . don't you Think?"

I watched him wince and his eyebrows furrowed Together before he brought an arm To curl around my waist and he pulled us closer Together limiting The gap between us . . . "Maybe if I was still human enough. Maybe . . . only if you spoke The words." He sighed . . . "My Love, No Time With You will Ever suffice . . . but we'll start with forever. If it is your wish as well of course." . . .

I swallowed before nodding . . . "Ok." In The same I felt myself being picked up before I Was seated at The edge of his desk and The grand box was now on The floor beneath us. And - if There was ever a Time when I felt I had done my angel justice - it was in This moment . . . His Expression was lit with The life neither of us would Ever possess again. He leaned in To plant a soft kiss on The side of my neck and I could feel a chill course Through me Then, and - as I felt a brush against one of my fingers - The next Time i looked down at my hand There was a sickening, far from humble, diamond ring. It was white gold, with bits of carrots circling all around. As if This was Not a maximized gesture as is, in The center There was a Topaz blue diamond That appeared as Though in it There were a million sparkling skies and all The vast of glimmering oceans Trapped inside of it . . .

I let my hand slide down So That my fingers could curl against his side in a firm grip. "One day you'll bring me back To life from all The back To back shocks you know . . . which would kind of screw up The whole immortal perk." I could make out The sound of a light laughter before he pulled back To face me again. "If I could I would", he replied in a Faint murmur. "Hey", I quickly countered, "I didn't agree To marry you so you could go all funeral mode five seconds Later sir."

He chuckled, "No I'm sure you did Not . . . Thats why I've arranged a few Things for The night." I pushed him back away Then, eyeing him skeptically . . . "What'd you mean _a few Things_?" He rolled his eyes before bringing a hand up To caress my cheek . . . "You can change Into something a little More casual. There will be no need for all The Formalities Tonight." He brushed his lips against mine with a sheepish smile . . . "I promise you will Not Absolutely Loathe This Night's Events."

. . .

Two hours later after condensing what should have been a Three and a half hour Trip - Traffic and all other inconveniences Not included - we were parked just across The street from a bar Located in Downtown Seattle. Visible likely To only us from This distance was The gold Lettering at The Front Door That read, _The Alibi Room. _I looked at him completely dumbstruck. "_A bar?_" He grinned. "Yes." Following his smug response he reached an arm across me and The glove compartment fell open during which Time I watched him retrieve a Thick black Rectangular case.

He decisively shut The glove compartment closed again and Then brought The case up in one hand for display. With a single flick of his Thumb The case came open and a syringe accompanied by a miniature bottle That contained a kind of caramel colored liquid. I huffed . . . "What is it?" He quirked an eyebrow at me with This proud, rather _smug_ look . . . "Does Humanity still appeal To you my love?"

I was lost with Not even The possibility of maybe vaguely grasping where my angel planned To angle This conversation . . . I shrugged, "Not really. But sometimes ... like I said . . . _where Exactly are you going with This Carlisle?_" He chuckled rolling his eyes . . . "I am very reluctant To expose you To This . . . especially after my Venture with Emmett but . . ." "_But what?_" I pressed. He quirked an eyebrow staring off ahead, seeming To drift away . . . "Back some Time ago I reveled into The past you could say. More so as humans replace what Certain Things They can not have with The nearest equivalent substitute", He looked To me, "And so came about The serum. It shocks and boosts The heart just long enough for your body To return To its once human State", He smiled, almost disappointedly . . . "But as all good Things must always come To an End, The serum can only last for a maximum period. You'll have a maybe five...six hours depending on your body's initial reaction To The serum itself." . . .

Taking in all of The Conversation, I quickly did away with all The sciences, confusion, and senseless questions That came with This senseless Theory making sure To only keep and Try To hold The most useful factors . . . I exhaled a breath as it finally set in before Focusing back on him . . . "So . . . _I can get wasted again?_" He rolled his eyes grinning smugly, "Yes, I should have known That was all you would pick up." He chuckled before his expression went stiff and lifeless again . . . "The first few minutes will Not be pleasant. It will be almost similar To your Transformation if you can recall . . . but rest assure, in a few minutes Time The discomfort will fade and you will in fact be Just as any of The humans That surround us now. Powerless . . . _human_." . . . I sighed Taking a Moment To look back across at The inviting Alibi before Returning back To Him once more . . . "Lets do This sir." He himself sighed before pulling The syringe free and carefully inserting it Into The bottle which held The serum. Then abruptly I found myself with my back pressed against him. His fingers were wrenched around my neck . . . "Hold very, _very_ Still my Love."

. . .

"And you sir what'll it be Tonight?" The Female bartender asked Carlisle, and I Enjoyed a low laugh. "Having a good night?" She asked now and I knew she must have caught wind of my amusement. I nodded. "I Actually am", I casually responded. She smiled curtly in response before Turning away. Carlisle sighed, eyeing my drink. "Are you enjoying your poison?" I scoffed, "Hey I asked you To join me but you had To go all Super senior citizen on me", I mocked.

It Takes Exactly six CC's of The serum before your system goes ha-wire. I managed To crack The passenger window in amidst my agony and just like That - an endless eight and a half minutes later here I am again; Erin Gallagher, _The powerless human. _He laughed and The sound was still as smooth and as flawless even with human hearing. "I've already had my share of fun with The serum and besides . . . someone has To look after you."

I rolled my eyes, "Such a parental unit Tonight." In The same I Took down The rest of The whisky in one swig. I moaned, and even I could here The fever in The sound. "God, I missed This", and Following my words I saw his gaze fall from me . . . I smiled, Taking his hand in mine and pulling him closer . . . "But never more Than I would miss you." He brought his eyes To meet mine again and smiled faintly. "Are you sure?" I used his Tie To pull him closer until I was able To crush my lips against his.

When I was running out of air for The first Time In years I pulled back, giving an exasperated sigh . . . "I'm positive", I responded in breathless words against his lips. "Will you Two have another Round?" The bartender asked coming To stand before us. "Absolutely", Carlisle responded, never looking her way and she was off again. He chuckled softly . . . "I can hear your heartbeat", he murmured. I Laughed weakly, still somewhat lacking The sufficient air, "And I can't."

. . .

It was when The room started To blur That I realized I might have gone pass my limit. But given I'd be human in a couple more hours The warm, numbing feeling didn't phase like it once Had given I knew it wouldn't last much longer. It was only something to be appreciated - The one human Experience I wish I could hold on To forever. But in The same moment That My eyes met with his, In That instant I was reminded That There were far more important - _far more meaningful Things To get back Too_. Ups and downs and all . . . _marriage included_ . . . I wouldn't Trade This for neither Endless humanities nor endless Eternities . . .

"My love", Carlisle leaned To whisper in my ear. "We should go now. The serum will be wearing down soon." I nodded in acknowledgment; _Words were not an option in This state. _I recall his amuse laughter before I found myself half leaning, half wobbling against him as we made our way downstairs, pass The dance floor still crowded with The crowd of The ambitious, The hopeful, and The plastered out of The Alibi.

"Wait here my Love, I will bring The car around", he murmured softly in my ear as he sat me down on The bench just outside and in The same a single shrill scream pierced from a distance close by. it was enough To bring me To my feet. Carlisle pulled me close To him as he stared over my shoulder. "Wait here", he said with an urgency in his Tone, "_Don't Move_", he directed before darting off around The corner down an alley That curved just behind The Alibi. But as I now could feel my heart as it Thumped with anxiety and certain desperation against my chest, it was only a few seconds before I found myself running unstably after him.

This was only To find Two men Twenty-some feet away down on The ground, appearing just barely able To maintain consciousness. I searched franticly for Carlisle as everything began To spin in my own intoxicated world, Until I at last found him behind a dumpster, just below a fire escape, hovering cautiously - _No_ - _possessively - _over another person - a female . . . and as I approached close enough To Stand just beside Carlisle and The misfortunate victim, I could see The crimson pupils, murderous and determined . . .

I placed a hand on his shoulder before I felt a sharp painful jolt shoot up my chest bringing me To my knees. The serum was fading - an uncomfortable, out of place feeling bluntly Told me This. And in That instant Carlisle reacted and I found myself wrapped in his embrace . . . "It's . . . it's okay my Love its just The serum dissolving", he soothed in an anxious whisper. Then as I met face to face with The girl beneath us for The first Time, It was Then That my heart had To have stopped . . . "_Carlisle_", I spoke in an agonized whimper as I felt another jolt, This Time shooting up my spine, "We have To save her - she's my - _she's my friend_."

. . .

**First off I just want To apologize To all The faithful readers To whom expectations I might have failed due To my lack of attentiveness To The Story In The last couple of months. Believe me when I say it was for good reason - LIFE HAS BEEN A LITERAL ROLLER COASTER- But I'****m back now and I can only hope The readers will continue To read. This weeks chapter is definitely going to alter the worlds of both Erin and Carlisle gravely and . . . no more delays There will be weekly updates every week from This week on, Chapter 22 is already in The works *_* I do greatly appreciate all The fans of "What To do When You are Dead" and I do hope you all have not officially given up :( . . . Thanks again and once again, sincerest apologies guys . . . **


	22. WHAT IS AND WHAT NEVER SHOULD BE

TWENTY-TWO:

WHAT IS AND WHAT NEVER SHOULD BE

Waking up dead - _again_- with your hands bound behind your back in handcuffs so Tight They're somehow digging against your granite skin is literally The rudest awakening . . .

I sat up shaking my head irritably in search of some form of clarity . . . "I'm sorry", Carlisle's voice came. I looked To him, currently driving down a swirling dark path, likely The road home. "I had To make sure you Couldn't hurt her . . . it Took sometime To cut off The blood flow." And in That instant I was reminded of her . . . My eyes searched eyeing The passenger's seat curiously before I caught The Toxic sent That caused me To slightly Tilt my head backwards To find my friend, nearly lifeless, lying limp and unconscious in The same backseat just To The Left.

An irritated, unexpected growl Emitted from me Then as something Else caught my Eye That was even more Unpleasant Than The sight of my once Best Friend slowly slipping away beside me. Visible even Through The Thick hood sweater and coat she wore was a belly - _Perfectly oval_. Reflexively I Struggled against The metal cuffs That entrapped both my wrists until The link That held Them Together broke apart and I quickly lunged up Into The passenger's Seat. Carlisle shot a weary glance in my direction. "I'm sorry", he apologized again. At first I could only manage To shake my head . . .

"You did right", I finally forced a valid enough response. As I relaxed in The seat he Took my hand in his . . . "You know her", he said, _more so confirming _rather Than asking. I nodded swallowing down The bitter pour of venom . . . "Jay . . . Jayleen Ramos", The name was a Mouthful now. A Part of me couldn't bare The idea of it alone but in The End despite my mind's refusal of acceptance I found myself looking back.

Golden brown locks covered some of her face and - was it Not for The Stomach she carried- I would say not a Thing about her had ever changed. Her golden complexion seemed To glow against The streak of moon light That ran along one of her hands. She was Still The model of Beauty At it's finest hour. Still Worth Envying . . . Still worth Admiring. And from The looks of it soon she would have Every reason To live for. The reason was her - _in her_- as of now No longer Promised. _Its_ life hung aimlessly, dangling Uncertainly along with hers . . .

I Turned away again letting my head fall back against The headrest. "Will . . . does it sound like she'll make it?" I asked, Reluctant. His low sigh was of no conciliation . . . "Do you seek comfort or Truth . . . my love?" I swallowed down more venom as This sickness began To creep up on me . . . "Either one won't make a difference in The End Right?" We hit The final Endless curve and in The next instant as Though Time Had left me behind we were parked out on The drive of The house and Carlisle was adjusting Jayleen in his arms from The backseat. I could make out a very faint and strained sort of moan in That instant before he brought his gaze To Entrap mines away from her. "She is no more Than seven and a half . . .Eight months going at The most. I need To get her lucid Enough for her To be able To Express her wishes To me . . . or you herself . . . however you wish my love."

. . .

"Is she a local?" I could here Edward asked from outside of The Room. The room That had been once intended for me now looked more like a homebuilt Emergency room rather Than any form of a homely place. "No", I responded lowly, as I stared down at Jayleen, now only in her underwear, hooked To a morphine drip. I winced as I Noticed her belly - _moving _somehow. During The second To second odd jerk I could swear I saw The outline of a small hand . . .I cleared my Throat, Trying To ease The sting . . . "She's from Jacksonville but her Grandfather relocated to Seattle some years ago. She always frequented him allot . . ."

The door suddenly swung open and in he came with Carlisle directly behind him rolling along a device with him. When he was close enough I could make out The defibrillator and The sickness became more profound just when I Thought it was no longer an able possibility. "What'd you gonna do with That?" I questioned, senselessly. Edward pulled me back away with him Then, keeping me close To his side. "Just Let him work . . . It will be fine", he spoke, but every word was as unconvincing as watching Satan himself preach. As Carlisle planted The peddles firmly against her bare chest I watched as The skin around The area Stretched and The image was so unnatural - _so unacceptable_ it would have To be named unholy. Carlisle looked To me once more . . . "Close your eyes." In The next second my vision was Cut off by Edward's cool hand as he pressed me closer To his side.

The sound of choking was easy To distinguish before The flash of bright white came as Edward's hand fell away, and in The same I focused back on Carlisle who was now _very carefully_ hunched over Jayleen's whose Entire body seemed To be in a slow light quiver now. "_Jay_", her name left my lips like a prayer as I went To move before Edward pulled me back and I jerked violently out of his hold. Carlisle Turned rigidly Then while I slid pass him as he went To stand in his way . . .

I leaned down Until we were face To face, Staring Through each Other . . . "_Jay_", I whispered and her name alone could nearly crush me . . . She smiled and even with The light Coat of blood on her lips I could almost see The days again. The days when we were both as inane and reckless as any of The pack of our youth. I could see again The hallways of our old school as we made our way down Them, cigarettes blowing despite The Staff's consistent warnings . . . The old abandoned harbor all The way down by The boondocks where we use To share our senseless drunken nights after we had retreated from The water where for some reason back Then predator verses prey never crossed our oblivious minds . . . But Then . . . Then There were The goodbyes . . .

"I Thought I'd never see you again", she Muttered The words in a low rasp. I smiled in Return weakly . . . "Evil never dies, remember?" She winced as a faint sound That was her best laugh came before she brought a hand up To plant on The round, plump space . . . "You look . . .The same . . . but better", she said, and I forced another painful smile, nodding. . . . "It's The drugs." She looked down at The space once before her eyes fell on me - pleading. And , in Them were all The words we need Not say and all The apologies we could go without . . . "You", she managed before a spew of blood came up from her and I instinctively ripped The fabric of my coat sleeve and did away with The crimson mess. She forced a faltered Breath . . . "You keep him."

I was about To give out in Return some of Those good old meaningless, hopeful words when another spew of blood came up from her This time accompanied by a White Thick foam. I heard bones crack before her body went Rigid and in The next instant Edward held me, restrained against him while Carlisle hovered over her again, This Time only doing away with her intimate wear while in The same he was inserting a separate dose of Some Anesthetic Into her IV.

"_Both of you out now_", The words were urged in a single slur. I went To protest but before I could manage The first of The words his words sealed my own. "Erin I don't want you To see This my love, please . . . not now." I Gritted my Teeth To suppress The sickness. _Sick_ . . . I was sicker Than any human . . . _sicker Than The worst of a slaughtered dying animal ,_ and - as The walls around us began To vibrate and There was The sound of light bulbs bursting To pieces - Edward was running me away.

. . .

"_You Can't do This!_" I yelled at Edward in sheer Frustration as he held me pinned against The aged Trunk of one of The many oversized spruces in The very pit of The forest. He sighed. "_Yes_ . . . I obviously can - Erin you just have To Let This be." "She needs me - _she needs me There!_", I Countered. "_SHE'S DEAD!_" He snapped and his words were like bits of acid . . . "There's only one person worth saving in That room and Incase you couldn't Tell back There, it's Not her."

I wanted To argue. Yes - _I should argue_. _But where was The room for such a fantasy when I was only being given Concrete facts To work with?_ _When he only spoke The indisputable Truth . . . _I Felt my feet plant on the moist ground again as he released me from his hold and The dark holes dissolved and altered into melting caramel again. "You have To have patience", he said. The words were soft and weak. I moved around him To Turn away and - from a distance just on The near Edge of a moss covered boulder - There was The first snowflake of The season.

Edward came To Stand at My side: his demeanor was as lifeless as I had ever seen It. . . I'd never given much Thought To my own death, but I could not bring myself To Take my mind off of hers. As I stared blankly at The spec of muddied white, The bulky boulder suddenly broke apart Into crumbled, chalky pieces. He grinned ruefully. "How very clever of you", he remarked. I Let out a Breath feeling as my muscles loosened again. "Yup . . . broke Something on purpose for a change." He shook his head, running a hand Through his hair. "Not Everything is your Fault Erin." I Huffed, "_You're Right_ . . . Just nearly Everything Then."

He was about To respond when he seemed to catch himself for a Moment, "You're Not The . . . Erin There's something you need To know . . . something I Think should be made very clear." His words were humble now; This Sent my nerves over Edge. "_What is it Now Edward?_" He hesitated, his lips still in a perfect _O _. . . "Erin I love you and . . . _I want you To love me back_ and . . . if you could just see past him . . . I could make your whole world . . . I am what he will never match and . . . I'm all yours . . . _everyday since that _night."

My throat felt sore at his words and my insides ached in protest to the words . . . "Edward . . . _I love him_ . . . that will never change", I paused, Trying my hardest To do away with This feeling . . . "Why are you doing This – _why here _– _why now?_" I exclaimed infuriated and in The same instant The Trotting of heavy feet came into hearing . . .

Sam suddenly appeared from amidst The crowds of brush. . .

Edward's caramel gaze had reverted To The grim stare as he Tensed beside me . . . "I see you brought a guest To stay", Sam began, in his somber menace . . . "_human is she?_" I put my best efforts into a forced scoff . . . "_Stalker much?_" was all I gave him in response. But in The whole of my Sam Uley There was not even The vague possibility of amusement. He came forward and - for the first Time since we'd come To meet – his presence was The most intimidating. "I didn't come here for a run around Erin, _is There a human in your house – dead or Not?_"

The words Took me a back and I felt as Edward moved around me To stand Toe To Toe with my dearest werewolf . . . "Yes", he gave The answer I had failed To provide . . . "But we have not been The cause of her death . . . _filthy half breed_", he added bitterly at The finish and I Was The only shield That separated The Vampire and The Monstrous werewolf in That instant . . . "_Sam she was my friend – we would never hurt her_", and like That nifty magic his focus fell on me again. "Carlisle and I", I continued unwillingly, desperate not To have To face This reality in _This _crudeway, "we were in Seattle . . . we found her . . . _she_ . . . _she'd been attacked_", I barely managed To finish.

His eyes fell away from my own, straying To The dim forestry ahead . . . "Is she . . ._like you_?" he finally spoke The question in low faulted words. Edward's irritable sigh came from The background . . . "No." Sam looked To me again as Though he'd never spoken . . . "So Then . . . what?" I swallowed, as photo flash memories Threatened To crack The _you _already delicate exterior lining of my invisible world . . .

"It came down To her or . . . her or her baby . . . she I asked me To save it . . . _she asked me To keep it Sam._" He winced as hints of disgust struck Through his already repulsed expression. "Sam", I started again but he put a hand up in mid air. . .

"Do you realized what's coming now?" he questioned, and my insides went impossibly colder as I shook my head numbly. "Sam I" – "This isn't about _you _anymore . . . _or any of Them_", he said, The last words holding so much more resent . . . "Erin The rest of The pack knows . . . Paul has probably already gone running To old Quill. The people will never stand for This. . . and I will be left with no choice." I could feel The air as it left me, Balance was slowly slipping away . . .

"What choice Sam?" The question came in a broken whisper. He sighed, his eyebrows furrowing Together and I could read The distress plainly written in The entire self of him . . . "It doesn't matter anymore Erin." Then he Looked aside To where Edward stood just as Tense . . . "A war will come. Never doubt it", The muscles of his jaw went Tight . . . "I will fight for you all."

In That moment I leapt To stand in front of him. "No you won't!" I strained. "Sam just . . ._ stay out of it_." He chuckled, a faint humorless sound before looking down on me . . . "I'm already in it . . . cant you Tell?" I huffed feeling as The sickness spread and gravity seemed set on leaving me, here, in The dark forest, to dissolve . . . "Sam I . . . I don't want you To fight. I don't – _I don't want any war!_" In That moment he Took my hand in his and pulled me along some feet from where Edward stood, appearing stiff as cold steel, buried in mounds of dry ice . . .

"I need you To accept This Erin. I need you To accept This because There is no other choice now . . . There aren't any words or pretend gestures anyone can offer", he sighed The sound faint and worn before he brought his painfully honest gaze To hold me captive here with him. . . "I'm going To fight for you Erin . . ._I'm going To fight for all That you stand for, no matter how much It might repulse me_ . . . Even if it means my own heart is set To stop." And as The wolf seemed To edge closer, I never Thought To stop him . . . _I only Thought of losing him_. . . "_Go now_", he urged in a weak murmur . . . "I'll be back."

_What once was,_ would soon be no more, and _That which should Never be_ was on its way with all The worst of its dyer intentions.

. . .


End file.
